Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks for the new thread!

Oh is there a number of posts limit?

Thanks @Dancerinthemoonlight

@Newuser991 putting aside his wants and issues, is he making you happy? Not a few months ago. But now, today, this week? Is this how a new relationship (when people are on their best behaviour and showing the best of themselves) should feel? If you have read Mr Unavailable you know she asks you to consider why you choose unavailable men (you have already says this is a pattern for you). A person with strong boundaries would see him not texting, not wanting to meet and being back on tinder as clear signs of disinterest and move on.

Hi, not sure if anyone remembers me but hello, checking in.

@Newuser991 I had similar this year with an iron. It went on so long, his words were great, adamant he liked me but wouldn't meet much, always an excuse. We did end up dating briefly but the original issues always there. I was so upset but if I could go back I would have judged him on actions not words. He also had a sob story which kept me hooked. I had never felt so bad as to how that man made me feel.

Honestly if he's being like this now bin him off. Easier said than done.

@Notcoolmum

Thanks *@Dancerinthemoonlight*

@Newuser991 putting aside his wants and issues, is he making you happy? Not a few months ago. But now, today, this week? Is this how a new relationship (when people are on their best behaviour and showing the best of themselves) should feel? If you have read Mr Unavailable you know she asks you to consider why you choose unavailable men (you have already says this is a pattern for you). A person with strong boundaries would see him not texting, not wanting to meet and being back on tinder as clear signs of disinterest and move on.

Not this week no.

He was and did for a long time. Lately, no.

@Eesha what's with his neighbour?? I hope you get to see each other soon. Having Mr B in my bubble has made it all much more bearable. Although we were pretty cute in lockdown with virtual shared walks and lots of talking.

@Newuser991 but you haven't seen him for months? So I would think it's longer than this week that he was making you happy? I would avoid an alcoholic at the start of recovery. I don't know how old you are or whether you have children but I'm sure you know it shouldn't be so hard. There's a big pool out there.

No children never married and pushing 40.

Good career etc.

No one is interested in me though even in youth

@Notcoolmum its the next flat who are super cautious and he thinks they will report him as they have hinted it. We do love walks but it's just hard when the days are cold and miserable! TBH it was easier to cement our relationship when we had more to do but it's difficult to build intimacy when it's just cold walks after a while.

@Newuser991 my ex is an alcoholic and although there are some who would say not to be judgemental but I'd personally stay far away from this man at present, or even give him a decent amount of time in recovery. These people have underlying issues which they need to resolve. Many can be charming etc and lovely but you really should let him get to a better place mentally before dating.

I'm here, I'm sorry I've not caught up in the comments of what's happing with you lot.

I'm just fucked off with the world.

Men are unkind, disrespectful assholes

I know not all men, just the ones I meet.

Mr Pet hasn't been disrespectful yet... but you know there's plenty of time for that.

Thanks for the new thread @Dancerinthemoonlight, you're a star!

@cravingthelook I agree

Can't you family be your childcare bubble and bf could be your support bubble?

I can't bubble with a man because I accidentally by bubbled with my damn mother and now I'm stuck with her.

Thanks for the new thread dancer.
Sorry @cravingthelook and others that you are feeling hacked off with things. It's been such a testing and strange year.
I have just been having a chat with my best male friend. He's actually a great go to guy when I want a male perspective and a bit of objectivity. Good men do exist. We just need to be honest with ourselves about who we are engaging with, what they are offering and what we are expecting from them.

@VanGoghsDog technically you are right but actually childcare is really meant to be for babysitters and the like. We will see each other though but I can't go to his flat because of neighbours and due to his recent injury, he can't get to mine easily. That said, it should be ok next week so I might ask him over. He goes through phases of being paranoid about Covid and sticking to rules, to missing real life etc and not sticking to the rules. So on walks, we might be arm in arm but he doesn't want overnight stays etc. Pre covid, i was there most weekends, cooking, chilling etc.

@Newuser991 from the previous thread. Nah you have to ditch the idea that a man who isn't serious always tells you he isn't. They don't always. As not cool says, re read the book. Unavailables are very often affirmative in the words and not the actions or vice versa. Pretty common and was always a sign for me that someone was pissing about eg disconnect between word and deed

Checking in

Agree with everyone else it’s a tense time of year just got back from my new contract and realised I’ve cocked something up today, also nearly accidentally shoplifted in Lidl when buying food to comfort eat . No cock for months and some of my new colleagues probably think I’m a weirdo. Probably won’t message MrC as I sent him
loads a few days ago. Hmmm.

@Newuser991 please give yourself a pat on the back for your career achievements, I’d say you’re actually in a very strong place for dating if you’re independent and successful.

If you haven’t had time to date much you have loads of time to practice lots of great men to be had.

What’s been happening early on in matching/or tinder? Are you getting lots of matches? I’m not on the apps myself so can’t view profiles but I know some threadies (including the boys here) are doing profile reviews if that would help you at all?

I rarely get any decent matches.

The reason why I stuck with this one is in these times you can't really have a normal relationship anyway

I hit post by accident.

I also don't really have anyone to talk to about my life. Especially in lockdown and wfh.

It is so lonely. I feel as if i don't exist. He would be really interested to hear it and without giving away too much we complimented each other in terms of career, work ethic, outlook etc

Aw @Eesha Covid and people's anxieties around it have made life so complicated. I was so anxious back in March/April but am much more relaxed now. How could his neighbour presume to know anything about Mr Y's situation. As a single adult he is allowed a support bubble. And that bubble becomes his household so no need to socially distance. I know you are concerned you already bubble, (although I think informal childcare bubbles are allowed) but his neighbour couldn't possibly know that?!

@Notcoolmum i think he doesn't want to risk anything so I have stayed late then left when we in tiers. He might just come to mine though as no one seems fussed here. But it's just a generally tense time and he would prefer walks etc because the rules say so.

Views needed on this one - randomly matched with very old (like school age) boyfriends friend on a dating app. We (ex boyfriends friend) and I barely spoke when I was with his friend. He’s now moved into the same work field as me and so first chat was about that but then he’s given me his number. Is he interested interested or just wants to chat about work??

I understand @Eesha. Difficult to manage other people's anxieties.

@Newuser991 I'm sorry to hear you feel so lonely and haven't had much success on the apps. I'm sure people on the thread would be happy to look at your profile and offer advice. And people have made friends chatting to the lovely bunch here on the thread. It's really hard right now as all the things you'd usually suggest to meet new people aren't happening.

Thanks for the new thread:)
Still here reading but not much to post. Had a brief message exchange with Mr German - work issues still ongoing. He knows I’m child free this weekend so if he doesn’t suggest a meet I’m leaving things with him as it feels like I’m being kept hanging.
Have been on the apps chatting to a few all sex mad wanting to call to my home when they hear I’m wfh it shows how starved of intimacy I feel when I was considering it

@Notcoolmum thank you that is very kind.

I am not on any apps at the moment. I telephoned this guy and asked him what he was doing when I saw he was on the app. He spoke to me for 2 hours and then the next day he texted and said he really enjoyed speaking with me and he had deleted the app.

I dont feel I can go back on as I will be a hypocrite.

I guess I will end up back on at some point though so I guess critique of photos etc will be handy.

It is most interesting to hear all of your stories too.

Yeh just post stuff on here whenever you feel like it @Newuser991

I don’t know anyone in real life who really “gets” dating/the apps so it’s great having a space to jump in and go on about stuff that’s in my head.

I agree loneliness is a big problem at the moment - I’ve been wfh, waiting on a long distance guy, got some temp work outside and I’m literally gabbling at people like a crazy woman as it is so nice just being out...

Even if you don’t find anyone you want to date, you could even use the apps to just find Male friends for walks and coffee.