Dating Thread 196 - Winter Wonderland Walks

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Clovertoast

I’m sorry that happened.

Red flag for me I’m afraid even without knowing the previous history. Telling you are irresponsible and raised voices ... nah this isn’t going to end well. This is the honeymoon period and his mask is already slipping.
I’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted to hear but I suspect you posting about it meant that you know deep down that interaction wasn’t right...

I have a very LOW tolerance for that behaviour having abuse minimised for so many years. Maybe that makes me hyper vigilant but safer than sorry I’d say x

I think as women we have a very good intuition but always try to soften what we think so we aren’t seen as difficult etc.

FWB has gone quiet since I pulled him up on not booking provisional dates- and I just think you know what your loss!

I deserve a simple explanation from him of I see why you might be disappointed - makes it suspect that it’s the first time he’s making the arrangement and paying for and suddenly it’s not smooth sailing. And I’m expected to grovel somehow.

Can I join the dating thread? I am very new to online dating. I have been separated from my husband for a year and I now realise he was very abusive to me. I have a toddler and he lives with me full time so it is harder for me to date.

I have joined one dating site and I have been very picky but now I am talking to one guy who has a little boy the same ages as mine. I think that lockdown and the fact that we can’t actually go anywhere is a good thing for me because it means we have to take it slow. We are going to talk on Zoom and maybe go on a socially distanced date.

Welcome @PumpkinWitch

That’s so incredibly frustrating @Myfabby especially when there’s no indication of a change in plan and you have to “prise the information out of them”.

All quiet here (as expected really).

Think I’ll give it another, say, two weeks ... to have a firm return date from MrC then if not I’ll do a chat/friends ad on the apps.

Just had the longest message ever from a potential. He took the opportunity to tell me he has a great immune system. Which is obviously irresistible in a man.

Haha you need to give him a sniff @WeWantTheFinestWines just saying so in a message doesn’t help much. Did you know you have the ability to detect a complementary immune system that might benefit your offspring with him (not to preempt things ) ?

www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/01/6/l_016_08.html

Excellent. @HairyArsedMan. @WeWantTheFinestWines - Perhaps he could post a t-shirt? What was his reasoning?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

It makes a change in these troubled times

I’m a bit bored with the subtle “yes, I imported the Lamborghini” or “the wheel rims on the jag are pricey to change” conversation

In these troubled times it’s all about who would survive the apocalypse

But pissed sorry

He also strives to live a life of cleanliness. So no smelly t-shirts.. He is skilled in carpentry so definitely useful come the apocalypse. So intense. I seem to get nothing or 'I will keep checking for your reply'.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

We may laugh - but if/when the corona apocalypse comes he will be the most alpha successful Male in the country

There’s actually a really bad sci-fi dystopian novel called the “Death of grass” in which all the weirdo survivalist men end up with (much younger ) women after the collapse of society.

That said, with the (good) vaccine news I’m hoping for normality in a year so I personally wouldn’t be stockpiling or moving in with Crazy Bob just yet....

Hi all it’s been a long time since I was on this thread but can I rejoin? I started OLD last summer but was finding it all so stressful that I gave up...until I tried FB dating last week, and matched with someone who has mutual friends in common. We arranged to meet up for a socially distanced coffee, and it went well; we’ve had a second walk today. I’m just wondering what to do - he’s nice but I don’t know if I fancy him? He seems nice, not pushy, not a player, if you know what I mean. Normally I go for the attractive arsehole types so I’m concerned that I might be wasting his time. Should we meet up again and give myself the chance to get to know him better, or do you think that attraction doesn’t grow?

Bunkbedpeople you're on whiskey mac! One of my favourite things about Christmas. Cheers 🥂

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Yes indeed

Cheers my dear here’s to our (not so so great but keep on going!) lockdown social lives!

Hi Givemeabreak! It would be against the rules, but for me, it's all in the kiss. If it leaves you cold there's no hope. But you may be surprised and suddenly fancy him if it's a delicious kiss. But I'm a big fan of kissing, so...

Or smell his t-shirt. HairyArsedMan wil tell you there's science behind that one 😁

@Givemeabreakpls

It kind of depends - I know it’s hard to work out. Obviously you will have your own feelings and schedule and priorities to consider first.

You don’t need to reply to the thread, but would you say he’s a 3 or a 7 in terms of chemistry?

What I mean is is he like “just unattractive to me , no way” or “not 100% but he’s ok, might be potential”

I think with lockdown dating, walking around outside with a coffee is probably the least sexy/flirty way of dating available - so personally I’d be working out if it was worth trying to set up a slightly more “flirty” atmosphere?

With my current interest MrC I thought he was polite and considerate and a gentleman on our first meet but not “amazing” or “impressive”. I nearly said no to our second meet!

With a few drinks, cuddled up on a sofa, with him being quite clear that he thought I was the sexiest woman he’d ever met (ok probably not accurate but it’s nice to feel wanted!) - things certainly felt a bit different.

So I’d think if it might be worth changing the setting a bit, or if he’s just a “complete no” you can drop him?

Death of grass sounds familiar. Was it ever a TV series? Sounds standard 70s fare!

@DudefromThatLondon

Yy - I do believe there was quite a few adaptations, although I didn’t see them just read the book - quite a big fan of apocalypse sci-fi , “Threads” anyone?

(I’m going though all my previous dates now thinking who’d be reliable/handy if mainstream society collapsed ).

Ah thanks @WeWantTheFinestWines and @Bunkbedpeople - totally agree that wandering round in the cold isn’t the most amazingly sexually-charged date ever and it’s meant that we haven’t even got within touching distance, never mind kissing distance! Hmmm... I’d say at the moment he’s not a definite ‘no’ from me... I’m just not getting that spark that I have from other men (who have, without fail, turned out to be completely unsuitable for me in varying ways).

Surely fishing is important? . A big fan of the apocalypse sci-fi too. Station 11 is my recent top dog, although Jg Ballard has many contenders.

@Givemeabreakpls - perhaps wouldn’t hurt to give him another shot?

@Clovertoast Sorry to hear about what happened with Mr P. And thanks for your words about my date - it means a lot to me. As does the support of everyone else in this thread - as a few others have said earlier, it really is a great place to be and so supportive. You all may be total strangers to me, but over the last 11 months or so this place has been an enormous help.

Anyway, I promised to give an update on my date with Miss Walker. It went well I think, but I'm not 100% how I feel about her - we got on well, she's easy to talk to, we had fun and I definitely fancy her, but there was a slight disconnect between how I imagined her after nearly 2 weeks of pretty intense talking online, and how she was in real life. I guess that's only to be expected though, and is always a danger of talking too much before meeting.

Being limited to coffee and a socially distanced walk in the cold makes it so much harder too. Especially when there are no toilets available, so the length of the date is limited to the capacity of your bladder

We've both said we want to see each other again, but I'm just not sure if another walk in the park is going to be enough to see if we want to take things further, however there aren't many other options currently.

Also I found it hard enough to know whether to go for a kiss at the end of a date even before Covid, so it's even harder to know with social distancing rules in place! Would it be weird for me to just tell her by text that I wanted to kiss her, but held back as I didn't want to get caught by the lockdown police?

I’d get in there with the text @TheCatWithTheHat (if you want to)

If you get shot down in flames so be it at least you’ve said your piece.

(sorry I know it’s not really technically “dating thread” but even as someone who has 100% stuck to lockdown rules and has had relatives with CV and lots of doctor NHS worker relatives, I’m still really not fussed if person A wants to snog person B - life is for living and loving)

cat tell her! As bunkbed said, she'll either be flattered and excited that you want to get in there, or she won't, in which case you may as will know now. Faint heart never won fair maiden... is a really stupid expression, but who knows where it could lead!

Welcome @PumpkinWitch - I'm pretty new to the thread having joined it just as I started chatting to Mr R. I really think the feedback/thoughts from people on here is so invaluable because most people who haven't had to use it just Do.Not.Get the online dating world ime.

@TheCatWithTheHat definitely agree with tell her! One way or another you get an answer back that tells you more than you knew. Sounds like it went well to me, if you were thinking about that at the point at which you said goodbye. You say you 'definitely fancy her' - that's brilliant! Thank goodness you met when you did, because even two weeks of intense texting is a bit too much, isn't it, when you haven't met someone to marry them up with their 'real life' persona.

It is SO hard to get intimate and beyond the 'two people having a friendly walk' stage of things in this climate, especially in the cold.

@Givemeabreakpls totes agree re. the kiss being the clincher - it either gives you 'the feelings' or it doesn't. I'm also a bit 'to hell with lockdown rules' when it comes to being allowed to have a bloody kiss in a damp wintery car park - I'm an adult FFS!! Kudos to all of us limping along in these dystopian days. Who could have imagined not being 'allowed' to kiss another consenting adult this time last year??

Loving the thought of your immunologically robust match @WeWantTheFinestWines - gosh, he really knows how to reel them in, doesn't he?

@Bunkbedpeople how much longer is Mr C meant to be away for? Is it unusual for it to be so open ended? Don't blame you for putting a mental deadline on it for your own sanity. Ref that dystopian novel, wonder if it was written by a weirdo survivalist bloke living in a bunker by any chance?