New DP and behaviours. Time to leave or am I being dramatic?!

[TreasurySr]

We moved in after 6 months because of lockdown. I’ve got to know him very fast because of it. These things are bothering me and I can sometimes over analyse so not sure if I’m reading into it all but here goes..

Whenever i leave the house for food shopping (usually) I get back and he is FaceTiming his mum. He will do this for hours at a time and obsesses a lot over her health (she’s currently fine so no particular reason to, and it’s not about covid but about anything to do with her health). One time he called her and she said she was eating dinner so she’d call back later. We started kissing and he stopped sex as he was worried she would call back in the middle of it..

He photos his body parts to check they haven’t changed. This is health and appearance related. Sometimes he even asks me things directly, he gets bothered that his penis looks a different colour. It never does, he just obsesses over it.

When children in need was one (prompted me to post!), he commented about one of the severely disabled kids (the charity advert part) that it was a total waste keeping them here and it was a waste of nhs resources he’s a doctor and this made me feel really sad!

My gran is currently very unwell with dementia and we’ve been told she will probably die in the next couple of weeks. I’ve been prepared for this for the last year as she’s been getting worse, but my partner hasn’t even asked how she is since we learned she was in hospital on Tuesday.

It’s my birthday soon and recently he said he’d transfer some money to me as it was easier...I’d much prefer something thoughtful than a bank transfer but haven’t said anything as I don’t want to seem ungrateful.

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much? He’s good it lots of ways, cooks every night, we can talk about work together, he’s intelligent, he’s got a good sense of humour. Are these most things I’m focusing on as we are in the house so much? Maybe I wouldn’t notice as much otherwise? Also he does have health anxiety and OCD before anyone points that out but he’s adamant he’s on top of it these days and won’t seek help for that stuff.

He's a doctor? Are you sure ?

He doesn’t sound great. And the open unwillingness to make effort for your birthday is awful. It’s your first birthday together. Why doesn’t he feel the need to make you feel a bit cares about? The mental health issues sound like they’ll get pretty annoying too if he refuses to acknowledge there’s anything wrong.

@veraismyspiritanimal how would I not be sure?!

He's a doctor? Really?

@Queenoftheashes I did ask him about this and said I’d probably prefer something other than money...said in a way like I didn’t feel right just taking his money. He said he doesn’t really do that sort of thing but he’s good in other ways like cooking and showing he cares like that.

He clearly didn’t get what I meant!

A doctor who thinks his penis changes colour

@TwentyViginti yes I’m confused as to why that part is being questioned! Am I missing something here?! Another poster said the same thing

Well he obviously has a lot of issues, and seems very uncaring towards you - not enquiring after your gran and a bank transfer birthday gift. He's showing you who he is, so you need to decide if this is enough for you. This relationship will always be hard work so think carefully about what you want from a partner. Personally I think you should raise your bar.

@MajorMujer oh that’s what its about. Yes he regularly worries that it is damaged or bruised in some way.

Op it doesn't matter what others think. If his behaviors make you feel weird today, then in 5 years time you will want to kill him.

You need to end it. It will not get better.

The medical profession seems an odd choice for someone with health anxiety. How come he doesn't know himself if his penis is an odd colour?

What type of doctor is he?

one of the severely disabled kids (the charity advert part) that it was a total waste keeping them here and it was a waste of nhs resources

For this statement alone I would have sent him packing. Instantly. Before he even had the chance continue.

Vile man

@TwentyViginti aside from the fact it’s quite sad that instead of helping me think through a situation I am in, you choose to question me on a minor fact, yes he is a doctor, he works in a and e, and yes doctors can suffer with health anxiety. I’m bemused as to why that is so astonishing tbh. I am a doctor also, so maybe I am closer to it so it doesn’t seem strange to me, but surely you know doctors are just people and suffer with mental health just like anyone else

He sounds a self obsessed wanker anyway (maybe he doesn't wank in case his penis turns colour though).

Also a weird mother fixation. Stopping sex in case she called? UGHHHHH.

@TwentyViginti he doesn’t know if it is an odd colour or not because he has health anxiety. That’s what it is. Anxiety. So he obsesses and takes photos...

@Hazelnutlatteplease that’s the thing that promoted me to post. It really shocked and upset me, the way he said it was so cold

You seem to be defending him a lot after complaining about the same things eg the health anxiety, if they are a deal breaker for you then you should leave, if not then stay.

I'm ex NHS yes I do know about doctors and mental health. still seems an odd choice of profession for him.

The statement about the child would have had me running for the hills.

@Betty94 I’m just trying to explain why he does it, seemingly some posters think he can’t possibly be a doctor if that’s what he’s doing it’s not even relevant to my post anyway. I should have left it out!

@TwentyViginti yes I agree. He’s very proud of his job though and actually filmed people clapping during the pandemic and uploaded it to Instagram saying ‘the people clapping for me.’ I went off him a bit then too.

Thinly veiled, he has relations with a woman who he talks to on FaceTime and has sex with other women while hoping his penis shows no evidence of this.

@DoWahDiddy that’s certainly not something I’ve considered !!

@Hazelnutlatteplease

one of the severely disabled kids (the charity advert part) that it was a total waste keeping them here and it was a waste of nhs resources

For this statement alone I would have sent him packing. Instantly. Before he even had the chance continue.

Vile man

Yes to this.

It sickens me that someone with such disgusting views is a member of the "caring" professions.