New DP and behaviours. Time to leave or am I being dramatic?!

[TreasurySr]

We moved in after 6 months because of lockdown. I’ve got to know him very fast because of it. These things are bothering me and I can sometimes over analyse so not sure if I’m reading into it all but here goes..

Whenever i leave the house for food shopping (usually) I get back and he is FaceTiming his mum. He will do this for hours at a time and obsesses a lot over her health (she’s currently fine so no particular reason to, and it’s not about covid but about anything to do with her health). One time he called her and she said she was eating dinner so she’d call back later. We started kissing and he stopped sex as he was worried she would call back in the middle of it..

He photos his body parts to check they haven’t changed. This is health and appearance related. Sometimes he even asks me things directly, he gets bothered that his penis looks a different colour. It never does, he just obsesses over it.

When children in need was one (prompted me to post!), he commented about one of the severely disabled kids (the charity advert part) that it was a total waste keeping them here and it was a waste of nhs resources he’s a doctor and this made me feel really sad!

My gran is currently very unwell with dementia and we’ve been told she will probably die in the next couple of weeks. I’ve been prepared for this for the last year as she’s been getting worse, but my partner hasn’t even asked how she is since we learned she was in hospital on Tuesday.

It’s my birthday soon and recently he said he’d transfer some money to me as it was easier...I’d much prefer something thoughtful than a bank transfer but haven’t said anything as I don’t want to seem ungrateful.

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much? He’s good it lots of ways, cooks every night, we can talk about work together, he’s intelligent, he’s got a good sense of humour. Are these most things I’m focusing on as we are in the house so much? Maybe I wouldn’t notice as much otherwise? Also he does have health anxiety and OCD before anyone points that out but he’s adamant he’s on top of it these days and won’t seek help for that stuff.

The comment about the disabled children is shocking and would absolutely be a red flag for me.

Thanks for talking it through. Going to end it this weekend. Felt so alone the last week and after the comment on children in need I just feel I hate him now. He’s not even spoken to me the last hour, been stuck in the bathroom! Probably photographing his nob. Urgh why do I go for these men!

I can't get the picture out of my mind of a grown man taking loads of dick pics to analyse.

I am sorry but I also wondered if he was really a doctor and not one of those people who steal a uniform. He sounded in your op like a bit of a hypochondriac. Sorry, but sounds like you know he is not for you.

Get him one of those little paint colour swatches and tell him he's on his own!

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Get him one of those little paint colour swatches and tell him he's on his own!

The doctor bashing is a bit odd.

The comment about a disabled child is a bit callous, but people sometimes say stupid things without thinking, especially at home in private.

The lack of intimacy is a bit sad and would upset.

He does sound very detatched and its up to you if you think you want to leave because of that. I would be frustrated at the bank transfer for birthday gift, especially if he could not understand why it doesnt feel nice to you. Very thoughtless and transactional.

Doesn't sound ideal OP..... I don't think you like him... which is understandable. If it was someone I reallly liked, I would try and help them see an alternative perspective and if they were closed off to that idea then there would be nowhere to go.

Health anxiety sounds frustrating only cos he isnt seeking help for it . He sounds like a project and it would put me off for that reason.

Just leave him if you want to!

Yep goodbye chameleon cock, so long!!!

Genuinely sounds like he has a number of problems. It terrifies me that there are healthcare staff who view people with disabilities like that.

Good luck OP

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Get him one of those little paint colour swatches and tell him he's on his own!

Hahhahahaha that’s amazing.

He must have some nice qualities but I’m glad you’ve seen and taken seriously his very weird and unkind ones. I’ve NEVER heard of anyone not having sex in case someone calls. His mother is welcome to him.

Are you sure he's not taking dick pics and sending them to randoms asking them what colour his knob is...piecing together his obsession with his mother and his knob, the psycho analyst in me suggests he hasn't successfully overcome the Odepus/Castration Complex...

Yeah this isn’t the man of your dreams...glad to hear you’re ending it.

Do want to pick up on something you said about your birthday gift from him:

If something isn’t actually what you want in a relationship, you must communicate that fact - if you expect and would hugely appreciate a card and flowers or a gift or a meal out together or whatever the case may be, if a man then suggests he’s just going to bung you some money, for goodness sake don’t just sit there and accept it and pretend you’re okay with it when you’re not! That’s the beginning of a lifetime of martyrdom, which leads to feeling unappreciated, which leads to resentment, which leads to all manner of other problems.

It’s not ‘ungrateful’ to say, actually, no that’s not going to work for me. I would like you to put some thought and effort into my birthday, please.

Are you sure he's not taking dick pics and sending them to randoms asking them what colour his knob is

Stop it!

There's willy waving, then there's willy waving...

I've read this before.

@HollowTalk

I've read this before.

Another odd doc or is this one, er, not quite real?

there was a thread awhile ago where an op partner was a doctor and said the same ting about disabled kids

even more sad that theres two of them

I thought health care professionals received a lot of training in rights discourse and treating every human being with respect. You're his girlfriend, but you're still an individual with friends, family, work mates. What if you told people his views? It's almost, what he said, like a vicar saying he doesn't believe in God, or a Prime Minister saying he doesn't believe in helping struggling families. Wouldn't he worry that such unacceptable views about his patients, in fact, and the vulnerable, would lose him his job if his views became known?. You haven't known him long; you might split up. He's no reason to trust you as he would a sibling. I think that's why it's questionable whether he's a doctor. Respected professionals just don't come out with views like this.

You're being dramatic OP and a wee bit oblivious/ungrateful. He sounds an absolute dream. What woman wouldn't want him in her life?🤷‍♀️

OP, why don't you play the Culture Club song and sing: "Karma karma karma your cock's a chameleon........it's time to go, it's time to go-oh-oh-oh".

Dr or not, he's a mummy's boy, with health anxiety, OCD, and a total lack of empathy. Also, maybe narcissistic, given that he'd rather revel in people clapping him on insta, than consider if he's breaking anybody's privacy rights by filming them and putting it on there without their consent.
We clap patients when they make it out of critical care as it's a big achievement, if filmed it goes on work forums only, not social media, clapping a colleague would be an odd thing to do (he made it up that it was for him, quite sad). All in all, you don't have to saddle yourself with someone like him in your life, so why should you. I'm glad you realise this.

His views on medicine are that it’s a science and people die. He’s very detached from it and makes that known to most people, it’s certainly not something he hides. Some do see medicine that way. I don’t think it’s actually that unusual. That said, it’s not a trait I like in him and wish I’d noticed it at the start

I thought health care professionals received a lot of training in rights discourse and treating every human being with respect.

@Diverseopinions Med students, even at the very end of their training, are often notorious for being pretty awful in how they talk about patients etc (mainly male ones about women maybe?) On some level maybe some doctors don't always stop it. It's a coping mechanism perhaps. Bad enough just having it, but even worse sharing it with other people.

@TreasurySr, maybe you just need to let yourself feel that it's ok to have realised that he isn't right for you (he really doesn't sound it and it sounds as though that's what your gut feeling is). It's ok to have made a mistake, or moved in too quickly, or not noticed aspects of his personality sooner, or whatever. It'll be a bit of a pain having to find somewhere to live and pack up all your stuff....but much better now than later. I don't think you're expecting too much at all. As has been said further up, if you feel like this about him now it's going to be unbearable in five years time, or ten years time. He sounds as though he has some troubling mental health issues as well as some unpleasant and worrying personal views and personality traits that aren't going to change with time.

@Opentooffers he filmed clapping from the street not from work. Back when there was clap for the nhs

His views on medicine are that it’s a science and people die.

@TreasurySr Except in extreme circumstances, saying it's not worth working to keep a disabled child alive is a step beyond this, though.