We moved in after 6 months because of lockdown.
I will NEVER understand the rush by so many to move in with people
People querying his medical credentials clearly don't understand how ocd and health anxiety work.
They are mental illnesses - usual logic doesn't come into it, people with mental illnesses thought processes are disordered - hence obsessive compulsive DISORDER.
He KNOWS medically that his penis (or whatever else) is fine, healthy, normal colour etc KNOWING that logically DOESN'T prevent the obsessive intrusive thought that something IS wrong with it.
I have dx ocd also, the constant need for reassurance is exhausting.
To take an example lay people and non sufferers are more familiar with an ocd sufferer who's contamination worries include cleanliness of hands KNOWS that after washing them once in soap and hot water in a way most normal folk do they are clean - this doesn't STOP the obsessive thought that they are still dirty unless and until we give in to the compulsion of washing them x times in y way - and even then we often have to force ourselves to resist the compulsion to keep washing them indefinitely. Certainly the case for me, I have a "magic number" which is the number of times I have to perform a compulsion. But if I'm really bad I have to double or triple that number.
The number isn't there as a number to go UP to it's a number to LIMIT the compulsion.
Many hcps have ocd - dx and undx and treated and untreated.
As I said at beginning really it was foolish to move in SO SOON. Crazy! Tbh especially with his job at the moment as that will be increasing his stress and increasing your risk of exposure so the lockdown excuse doesn't bear out at all.
The other things - his focus on his mothers health and needs are an extension of his health anxiety and ocd BUT I wouldn't be surprised if she or his father also had (possibly undx) ocd as there is believed to be a strong genetic component - if you're planning dc you may want to consider this
The lack of consideration is something else entirely and this early on I would consider it a red flag - surgeon perchance? Notorious narcissists! But can be true in other areas of medicine too. a & e yep also a tendency to the narcissistic usually a side order of hero complex too. If something isn't a "genuine" urgent or dramatic type they're totally uninterested to the point they'll make you feel you're making a fuss over nothing, UNLESS it gives them the chance to play hero it's unimportant as far as they're concerned. Their view of chronic illness can be very odd too.
His unwillingness to get treated for the ocd may be 2 fold - usual denial/not wanting to face up to things but also because quite honestly (and I fully expect other hcps and associated to refute this but I stand by it) drs with known mh issues careers are fucked by the fact! They won't be sacked but they'll find it very difficult to progress, there's still a lot of prejudice.
Honestly? From a relationship perspective I say cut your losses. It's too much hard work, and he already doesn't prioritise you.
The medical profession seems an odd choice for someone with health anxiety - think about it a little more! It's really not! In many ways it's a perfect choice and a great disguise. Plus it's obviously an area they're interested in.
Plus "physician heal thyself" it's a sort of self treatment by exposure?
People go into certain careers for the least functional reasons:
People who were bullied becoming cops
People who felt or were described as stupid as a kid becoming teachers
People who were abused becoming social workers
People often enter into careers to "parent" the "child" within and fix the issues of the past
Chuck this one back in the sea op, if he seems open to it say he needs to get a LOT of therapy before entering another relationship but it's not your job to sort him