Snoop or not?

[thelockdown2]

NC for this as I'm active on other threads - naice penis beaker etc.
Daily Mail are wankers (just in case).

Anyway I need some advice please. I'm currently pregnant with our 3rd and I don't know if I'm being hormonally paranoid or if something is going on.

I've just got this horrible gut feeling/spidey senses that DH is doing something he shouldn't be. Our sex life has tanked, he's secretive with his phone, he parks up outside our house but is "on a work call" for 45 minutes and won't come in. He's shown very little interest in me recently.

Anyway I've acquired his passwords for Facebook messenger, google and discord. He's recently removed the apps from his phone but continues to log into them. I can only surmise that he thinks it'll be harder for me to get into if the apps aren't on his phone. Why remove them if you're still logging into them?

My question is - can I log in to these without him receiving a notification? His google account has previously been logged into my phone when he's used it, and as a result I could see his search history about 18 months ago which threw up some major questions in our relationship but we worked through it.

Now without the "don't snoop if you don't trust him just leave him" advice it's really not that simple. Am I just being insane? And if I'm not then I'll need irrefutable proof before blowing up my family.

So will he know if I log in and check?

Google usually indicates if someone has signed in on a new device. I don't think the others do.

So messenger won't send him a notification?

If he's already logged into google on my phone before will it send him a notification?

Obviously we can't say for sure, but I would find these sudden behaviour changes very odd, as well as removing those apps.

As far as I know there is no way for you to access his fb and email from a new device without him getting a notification. For my email account you can't even get in with my password unless you do the 2 step verification which involves having my phone at the time.

If you accessed them on his device then you should be fine, but that would require you getting into his phone, which might be tricky...

The other option would be to log in at a time when you know he will be busy, ie when driving, sleeping, in an important meeting etc, so you would have time to check stuff before he stops access. You would of course then have to explain what you were doing as soon as you next saw him, so it doesn't give you much time.

Thank you @NeonGenesis

Also, he does a lot of weekend overtime which has never been an issue but I looked at his wage slip, he left it lying around. And there's two days on there he said he was working that doesn't show overtime or paid. So where was he?

He's never without his phone so looking on there is pretty much out of the question.

Does he go out much? Can you get someone to follow him?

@CaroleFuckingBaskin he's out ALL the time for work whilst I'm stuck indoors working. I don't dispute he's at work during the week but there's definitely something on that phone. I don't really have anyone, nor do I have the balls or bravery to ask someone to follow him.

I think Facebook and messenger might send him an alert but he won’t know it’s you and you could claim ignorance and suggest it’s someone trying to hack his account.
In my last pregnancy I became convinced DH was cheating but in the end there were reasonable explanations for the things I’d become paranoid about and with some distance I can see I was over reacting. However what you mention about his search history makes me wonder.
What’s his reason for deleting the apps? I have to question whether he’d actually sit outside your house on the phone to someone else as that seems quite cruel if he were cheating. Would he not just take the call somewhere else and say he was working late?

It does sound like he’s hiding something but without actual proof it looks like you’ll have to just wait and observe.
Cheats always mess up in the end, if that’s what he’s doing. They get over confident, sloppy. I do hope he isn’t cheating though

How is it not that simple?

@user1493413286 If I turned location services off on my phone and user the incognito mode would he be able to find out it was me?
This is my concern am I just being utterly paranoid? So previous search history showed that he sent flowers to a woman at work (had her home address etc). No message on the card. I had heard her name mentioned in passing but he never told me he was sending flowers. It was apparently a "thank you" as their company ended their contract with his. Although it's not his job to thank clients. I think their working relationship crossed the boundary to inappropriate. There was also texts from a girl (aboard) who he had come across from the discord app for gaming who then whatsapped him pics of herself.

If there is anything, his search history, discord and messenger will be enough for me to know. If nothing then I can put it to bed. But if I'm wrong, selfishly I don't want to have to explain to him that I've been snooping and create a major problem that doesn't need to exist.

@WunWun What do you mean?

If I log into Facebook from a new device I get a text message notification which gives me a code.

One thing I would say OP is that if he is being sneaky then he will have all the two factor authentications in place

Gut instinct is a very powerful thing , and it’s rarely wrong . All the things you mention dint sound good , the sitting outside whilst on the phone and the missing pay for two days he supposedly worked are what would get my mind wondering what’s going on .
I’m not tech savvy so can’t advise you , all you can do is be super vigilant . Don’t let him know you are sus, or he will be more careful to cover his tracks . I hope you got it wrong and he’s not doing anything wrong , but things aren’t adding up going by what you’ve said

Why do you need irrefutable proof? What other reason could he have for doing this stuff?

Always trust your gut if something feels wrong most likely it is

@Mangofandangoo What about Facebook messenger? It's messenger.com

@Dontletitbeyou I hope I'm wrong too.

@WunWun We've been married ten years and I'm pregnant. If I'm wrong and I blow up my family by kicking him out on a "gut feeling" then I doubt we would be able to recover from that. I mean, you raise a good question, what other reason could he possibly have??

Does anyone have any knowledge on discord?

@iwwntchocolate This is very recent so I'm not sure if my hormones and insecurity playing havoc but I really hope that my gut feeling is completely wrong.

Where the flowers his responsibility to arrange for a thank you then he did just that.. covid has changed some relationships to supportive and most likely why flowers were sent. A contract ending how nice to receive a thank you.
The rest is insane.
Look at his fb then what?
Live in pretence or face it?
Woman and men are entitled to friendships even abroad

@thelockdown2 I hope it's wrong too I'm pregnant and my boyfriend cheated on me men are horrible

@nomdeplume2019 No after much discussion the flowers were not his responsibility he did it because he wanted to. They had an unusually close relationship which has now ended because they no longer work together. He admitted it was wrong. I'm not sending gifts to men I work with.
Also - is it then ok for him to receive pictures from his female friends in a state of undress?

No living in pretence. I know what I need to do if my gut is right but I can't blow up my family with my children and baby due if I'm wrong.

Ooh I'm not sure to be honest, I thought it was the same as they are linked but I could be wrong? I don't use messenger myself so can't test but perhaps someone else can

He revived pictures from the colleague too?
The more you say, the more likely it sounds he is having an affair
I’ve used discord, it’s basically a huge online chat forum with different servers, group, private. You don’t need a mob number to use it just know the sign in details. But I can’t say for sure if you receive a notification for logging in on another device

*received

Always trust your gut, honestly its always right, his behaviour has altered for some reason xx