Snoop or not?

[thelockdown2]

NC for this as I'm active on other threads - naice penis beaker etc.
Daily Mail are wankers (just in case).

Anyway I need some advice please. I'm currently pregnant with our 3rd and I don't know if I'm being hormonally paranoid or if something is going on.

I've just got this horrible gut feeling/spidey senses that DH is doing something he shouldn't be. Our sex life has tanked, he's secretive with his phone, he parks up outside our house but is "on a work call" for 45 minutes and won't come in. He's shown very little interest in me recently.

Anyway I've acquired his passwords for Facebook messenger, google and discord. He's recently removed the apps from his phone but continues to log into them. I can only surmise that he thinks it'll be harder for me to get into if the apps aren't on his phone. Why remove them if you're still logging into them?

My question is - can I log in to these without him receiving a notification? His google account has previously been logged into my phone when he's used it, and as a result I could see his search history about 18 months ago which threw up some major questions in our relationship but we worked through it.

Now without the "don't snoop if you don't trust him just leave him" advice it's really not that simple. Am I just being insane? And if I'm not then I'll need irrefutable proof before blowing up my family.

So will he know if I log in and check?

I just tried it with location services off and it still showed my city

@Mamadothe Thank you for checking on my behalf. I really appreciate your help.

Op you really don't trust him, do you? And for very good reasons.

I wish you all the best.

@Motnight I'm just so scared of what I'll see. Hence why I'm still 50/50 if I'm even going to snoop. I'm going to look on discord this afternoon.

Thanks for not dismissing me as neurotic.

If it helps at all - he's literally just set up a new mobile phone today (new one from work) can I use this to my advantage at all???

Yeah it was all pretty shit. But 5 years on I’m very happy, it was an unhappy marriage anyway! An affair was something I just couldn’t forgive so I flung him out
I don’t think you’re being neurotic, as others have said (and I always say) trust your gut

It will probably also show the type of device too. My ex tried to get into my Facebook and Instagram accounts and for either one or both (was a while ago) I got an email notification saying someone had attempted to login from a new device, giving the location and the model eg a Mac / iPhone 5.

If he’s just got a new phone you could ask for his old one on some pretence
I’d still suggest asking him outright though. All the snooping and over thinking is going to drive you nuts

Fuck I just tried to log into discord and it said "new log in location activated please check your email".
Rumbled already and I haven't even got anywhere.

@WunWun

Why do you need irrefutable proof? What other reason could he have for doing this stuff?

Who blows up a family with 2 children and one on the way because of a feeling?? Of course OP wants proof. Whilst it's seemingly probable the guy is a dick, I'd want to KNOW

Sounds like he's got 2 step authentication for Discord too? My ex used to try and log into my Facebook and emails after we split and I always got a notification for it with a 'was this you?' message and a link to follow.

I would just ask him to hand his phone over when he gets in tonight. And then I'd log into all the apps, look at his search history etc. Don't warn him by logging into things before, he will just completely delete all evidence

Cross posted, hopefully you can get to him before he realises you're suspicious

If you’re willing to then download a vpn app on your phone first. You can set your location as elsewhere.

Hi OP, so sorry you're going through this

If you need any help navigating discord I can try and help. When logging in on a "new" device, mine asks me to authorise the device via email first (this is without the extra authentication settings), which if you have access to his email may not be too much of a problem? If he has 2 factor authentication you'll probably struggle, but considering he deletes the apps, that would be a right pain in the arse to do every time he wanted to login.

Agree with pp though, desktop discord is easier to navigate than mobile tbh.

Ahhhh cross post a few mins too late!!

@Kittykat93

I would just ask him to hand his phone over when he gets in tonight. And then I'd log into all the apps, look at his search history etc. Don't warn him by logging into things before, he will just completely delete all evidence

Has anyone ever done this and not caused a massive scene? Personally I wouldn't demand to see someone's phone, even if he's nothing to hide he's bound to get defensive or huffy that you think he's up to something. I have nothing to hide and I know I'd be annoyed if someone demanded my phone!

Why are you stressing so badly over a notification? Theres clearly an issue here, if he gets a notification who cares? Hes giving you reason to believe something is going on, weve all been hormonal and paranoid at some point but if hes already had form in the past your only acting on previous damage thats been done xxxxx

He might assume it’s due to his new device?

You better go all out on it now then if you're doing it. He could be changing all the passwords right now.

Hi Op
everything you have said about your husbands behaviour, (bar your sex life tanking ),
does make me think your intuition is telling you something is off, in your relantship.

Sorry to have to say that to you Op

The reason I say bar your love/sex life is he your husband could have very real concerns that having penetrative sex with you,
whilst you are expecting,in pregnancey could hurt you or harm your unborn,baby inside you,
dont know how advanced your pregnancy is,
I know sounds bit weird/silly.

If you've got access to his Google account, can you check his location history?

I followed up on a gut feeling with my then husband ten years ago. I did find things I didn't like, however a decade on and we're friendly and co-parent well. Was much easier to access phones back then though! Hope you're ok OP, whatever the outcome

It sounds like things are wrong anyway for you to feel this way.

@WanderlustWitch @Audreyseyebrows I'm hoping that he just thinks it's because of the new device. We've been texting and he hasn't mentioned anything.

I think demanding to see his phone may just make me look insane and irrational. I don't want to come across like that.

@Bunnymumy I did consider it but I know his phone pin so I can always log back into the password app on his phone while he's in the shower and get the passwords again.

@thosetalesofunexpected Well exactly - plus two previous pregnancies didn't bother him in the bedroom department. So I don't see why the sex should change now.

@Cochondinde I don't know how to get into the google account without him knowing and getting a notification.

It seems like you're in a very difficult situation, OP, with little chance of finding anything via electronic snooping.
Could it be that this is an instance where you just have to be honest with him and tell him how deeply worried you are, that you don't understand why he is chatting whilst parked outside your house, and say that you don't want to lose him, etc?
If he is up to no good, a genuine reaction from you will serve to prick his conscience at least.
Cheaters often compartmentalise, meaning that if he is cheating, he won't be thinking of you while he's doing it. By you expressing your concerns, that compartmentalisation can start to break down as he will start to link his activity outside of your relationship with the effect it is having on you.
I would still be sitting on the fence with this one, as there may be rational explanations (other than infidelity) for his recent change in behaviour.