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Original poster

Snoop or not?

260 replies

thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 06:18

NC for this as I'm active on other threads - naice penis beaker etc.
Daily Mail are wankers (just in case).

Anyway I need some advice please. I'm currently pregnant with our 3rd and I don't know if I'm being hormonally paranoid or if something is going on.

I've just got this horrible gut feeling/spidey senses that DH is doing something he shouldn't be. Our sex life has tanked, he's secretive with his phone, he parks up outside our house but is "on a work call" for 45 minutes and won't come in. He's shown very little interest in me recently.

Anyway I've acquired his passwords for Facebook messenger, google and discord. He's recently removed the apps from his phone but continues to log into them. I can only surmise that he thinks it'll be harder for me to get into if the apps aren't on his phone. Why remove them if you're still logging into them?

My question is - can I log in to these without him receiving a notification? His google account has previously been logged into my phone when he's used it, and as a result I could see his search history about 18 months ago which threw up some major questions in our relationship but we worked through it.

Now without the "don't snoop if you don't trust him just leave him" advice it's really not that simple. Am I just being insane? And if I'm not then I'll need irrefutable proof before blowing up my family.

So will he know if I log in and check?

OP posts:
Picktionary · 09/11/2020 07:31

Horrible man.

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 07:38

@Rockinmomma If I get into his discord - will it show the chat history?

OP posts:
Jayaywhynot · 09/11/2020 07:38

Does he also have a laptop or tablet that he logs on with, if so can you get your hands on that, Google /fb would recognise something he's logged into before and won't send an alert

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 07:42

@Jayaywhynot No just a work laptop so he won't be using any social media or anything like that on it. It's all on his phone or these accounts.

Honestly don't know what to do. Either forget the whole lot and bury my head in the sand. Or snoop. But if I snoop it looks likely that he will find out?

OP posts:
Thermo · 09/11/2020 07:43

Alert or not, I’d attempt it. These alerts won’t give away who it is. I’d choose carefully which site first though - you don’t want him getting a barrage of alerts. Facebook would be the one I’d go for.

Not gonna lie, done it before (not DH) and no alerts. It just depends how savvy they were when they set up the account.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/11/2020 07:45

I think you can google whatever his discord name is and it will show things he has said? I might be wrong

Rockinmomma · 09/11/2020 07:46

Yes, you’ll see all chat history

namechange20202020 · 09/11/2020 07:48

I think best way to access these is to by his phone. Does he ever let it free?

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 07:49

@Thermo Judging from google - it says he will get a notification only IF he set it up on his privacy? Does that sound right?

@LadyOfTheFlowers I only have his email and password not user name which is disappointing.

@Rockinmomma Do I need to download the app to log in?

OP posts:
Horehound · 09/11/2020 07:52

Either try and get his phone at some point or ..if it were me... I'd just look if I felt quite strongly something was up plus his previous actions.

And usually gut instinct is right so I wouldn't worry about being caught.
You don't trust him though so that says enough really.

Heartofstrings · 09/11/2020 07:54

I'm on discord...what do you need to know?

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 08:14

@Heartofstrings Thank you! If I log into it will he get a notification? Do I need to download the app the do that?
Or is there a way of finding out his user name from his email.

OP posts:
LemmysAceCard · 09/11/2020 08:15

I think you have to try the acid test here OP. Tell your partner that you have huge concerns and he is to unlock his phone and hand it over to you. If he does, thats a good sign, if he refuses, you have problems and it would seem your suspicion is right.

If you say it is make or break he hands his phone over or you are finished then he has a choice to make and might realise that you are not just doing this to snoop.

If i came in from work and my DP asked me this i would do this, i have nothing to hide and would want to reassure any fears he has. If i asked DP to do this he would rather walk out of the door than show me which says everything to me.

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 08:19

@LemmysAceCard Problem is, I reckon that he would just hand me the phone. He's deleted the Facebook and messenger app from his home page. His work his email is logged into it, not his private one, so I think he would just hand it over knowing that none of those apps will show anything.

OP posts:
Solomon1212 · 09/11/2020 08:44

I wouldnt even care if i had proof. Id dump him just for the behaviour.

LemmysAceCard · 09/11/2020 08:49

[quote thelockdown2]@LemmysAceCard Problem is, I reckon that he would just hand me the phone. He's deleted the Facebook and messenger app from his home page. His work his email is logged into it, not his private one, so I think he would just hand it over knowing that none of those apps will show anything. [/quote]
Does he have an iphone?

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 08:49

@Solomon1212 Well 18 months ago it was touch or go. But we worked through a lot and I forgave him. So I can't really use that to beat him over the head with when I promised to draw a line under it.

OP posts:
Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 08:50

@LemmysAceCard Yes it's an iPhone.

OP posts:
Lipz · 09/11/2020 08:59

I know the answer to the messenger one as I sometimes use different devices. On messenger there is a setting that allows you to choose whether you want a notification when you are logged in from a different device . If this is activated you will receive a notification, if it's deactivated then you won't get a notification. 'settings, security, security log in'.

The thing is you don't know which one he has it set to, so if it's activated he will get a notification to the Facebook email he signs in with. If you chance logging in he'll see. Unless you have access to the email too and can delete the notification immediately in the hope he isn't in his emails at the time.

He could also have his emails set that he receives notifications when logged in from different devices, when dh needs to access his emails using my phone he always gets a notification in his emails that his Gmail has been accessed from a different device. So whether you access his emails or messenger from your device he will get a notification telling him, unless he has them deactivated.

It won't matter if you use incognito or turn off WiFi, once someone tries to log in to your account you will get a notification telling you, these are a default setting, you have to go in and deactivate them if you want, so even if he's not tech savvy, his settings will most likely be to notify him.

ChupForPresident · 09/11/2020 09:13

OP, i just looked at my discord account and under account settings you can choose to set up a 2 step identification code. The code will be sent to his mobile number.
Now by the looks of it this isn't by default as mine is deactivated, so it really depends if your partner has bothered.

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 09:13

@Lipz Thank you that is really really helpful.
So only if he's changed the settings will he get a notification.
Say he DOES receive a notification - will it say where it's come from? So could I please ignorance and act like I don't know what he's talking about if it does come up in conversation?

I could probably log into his emails at the same time as it looks like he uses the same password but I don't want to trigger a text or anything to say that someone is logging in to that too.

OP posts:
Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 09:14

@ChupForPresident Most likely he hasn't. Thank you so much for checking. So if I download the app do you reckon I'll be able to log in?

OP posts:
ChupForPresident · 09/11/2020 09:25

If the password he chose for discord is the same as his email password then discord is probably your best bet. unless he has that 2 step code

Only issue with discord is I always found it a pain to navigate as a first time user.

If you download the app and manage to get in, on the left of the screen you will see some circles one under the other. Those will be the channels/groups he is a member of. On the top of those there will be a text symbol, those will be the private messages. I would focus first on those.

Original poster
thelockdown2 · 09/11/2020 09:34

@ChupForPresident Thanks. I think I'm gonna head for that and then wait a couple days before trying messenger.

I feel fucking sick to my stomach. I need to get some work stuff done before I focus on this.

OP posts:
Poppyapplebobber · 09/11/2020 09:34

Just login OP, if he has something to hide i doubt he will come back and ask you if you've logged in and snooped if he thinks you have seen something he doesn't want you too. He will probably come back been overly nice to you to see what your reaction is

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