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Original poster

first date regret

570 replies

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 14:59

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

OP posts:
workshy44 · 02/11/2020 15:05

Oh god yes it does sound like it. I'm not a fan of sleeping together on the first date as where do you go from there, no build up etc but lots of people feel differently and will tell you stories of how their married their one night stand etc
It is a double standard but does sound like he has cooled off and it may well be due to this, if the date prior was amazing
I would leave it, he may come back to you but I would chalk it down to experience. You have done nothing wrong but men (i have found) like to chase

Wintersunn · 02/11/2020 15:17

He could also still be busy at work and not had time to reply. See if he does by this evening. If not, block and move on.

Rockinmomma · 02/11/2020 15:18

I think most women have done this OP and then regretted it
Wait and see if he replies, he may be busy and don’t beat yourself up over it
If he doesn’t reply give yourself some tlc and chalk it up to experience (I’ve certainly not made that mistake twice!)

Sunnydaysstillhere · 02/11/2020 15:19

Not being goady but at 26 he really isn't a boy
..
Confused

CuriousaboutSamphire · 02/11/2020 15:20

He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do? So he initiated contact afterwards and is now working... have some patience. If he doens't get back to you when he has finsihed work THEN you can assume he is ignoring your message. But at the moment he is working!

Newgirls · 02/11/2020 15:25

Just leave it until he contacts you now: it’s weird times and there’s no rush is there. Sounds like you had a lovely time and that’s enough for now x

Seenobody · 02/11/2020 15:27

Would he normally text you when he is at work?

rorosemary · 02/11/2020 15:32

It could be either. Just wait for a bit.

I had sex with DH on the first date. Still married him years later. It's not always a bad thing.

Lifeisabeach09 · 02/11/2020 15:33

I think when you have sex with someone on the first date, you should be prepared for it to be a one off. Nice if not but have no expectations.

WatieKatie · 02/11/2020 15:38

You’ve done nothing wrong OP. I would wait and see how it goes over the next week. I’m sure he’ll be back in touch soon.

I do find it unacceptable men suggesting sex on a first date. I find it a real turn off tbh.

yvanka · 02/11/2020 15:49

He could be nervous and wants to reply when he's home so he can think properly about a response? I wouldn't give up hope yet, at least he texted you.

Original poster
lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 15:54

Thanks everyone Smile, I'll definitely see if he texts back tonight. He doesn't often text much at work, maybe on his lunch, but he very rarely reads them during work either. Didn't think of that possibility @yvanka thanks! I often assume the worst hahaha.
I can't help but feel like I did something wrong, I know plenty of people have sex on the first date and I shouldn't feel ashamed but I don't really know why I did it!

OP posts:
DoubleDessertPlease · 02/11/2020 15:56

He might be waiting to get in from work before calling you, or just busy at work. I’d not start panicking yet! Hope he gets in touch soon!

Dillo10 · 02/11/2020 16:05

I understand how you are feeling, but remember it takes two to tango... You're not the only one who had sex on the first date, he did too

And if you've "ruined it" by sleeping with him (in his eyes) then he's an absolute idiot

For what it's worth this happened to me with DH (sex on first date, didn't hear from him the entire next day) but got home from work and he'd sent me flowers... Don't jump to any conclusions

Whatever you do, don't message him again now

Cheeseandwin5 · 02/11/2020 16:09

I am not sure if having sex on the the 'first'date it classifies as a one off.
I have many friends who have slept together quickly and are still happily together.
I assume its the same old fashioned rule that people used to say about kissing and before that holding hands.
I am not saying ppl should do it, just that I dont think its wrong if it happens. I think you had the feelings and both wanted to (and by the sounds of it both had a great time).
I assumed you are very excited and hopeful about this relationship. It can lead you to be vulnerable and fearful about things.
I, like many others feel, that so far, it has been positive and, him not replying is due to him being at work.
I would also add that it would not surprise me if he was as nervous as you. I assume he will be disecting things and wondering what it all means.
Its all the fun and ganes of the start of something new that has the potentional of being special.
Its why we all love it .....and hate it too. hahah

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 02/11/2020 16:10

Been there, had both outcomes! So don’t read anything into it just yet, wait until tonight. And if he does dissapear, you didn’t do anything wrong and it’s on him!

Original poster
lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 16:10

Thanks everyone, I'll update you all hopefully with something good haha! Aww @Dillo10 that's actually really sweet Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 16:12

@Cheeseandwin5 that's such a brilliant answer, thank you Smile. Easy for me to forget he's probably having the same thoughts!!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/11/2020 16:16

You just need to wait it out. He could have texted though”just on lunch will let you know later” especially if he’s texted on lunch before.

Bamboo15 · 02/11/2020 16:23

Agree with the other posters here, if it’s out of character for you both there may now be a feeling of apprehension all round - he may be other thinking how to reply and also being at work might not have the space to reply in the way he wants too - with some thought and care which is flattering. I don’t think he has given you any reason to think the worst. But definitely let him send the next text.

See what happens tonight. And for the record I know many people who slept together on a first date and are still happy together now.

BuffayTheVampireLayer · 02/11/2020 16:29

You need to calm down a bit OP. The fact he's read and not replied during work means nothing. This all stems from your guilt as having sex on the first date, of which there is nothing wrong with.

He is a man btw, calling him boy at 26 sounds pretty immature.

dazzlinghaze · 02/11/2020 16:37

Try not to stress, OP. I'm a firm believer that if a man is the type to check out after sleeping with a woman it really wouldn't matter how long you waited, it would still have the same outcome. So, although it would be disappointing if he was only in it for sex, at least you will have found out early rather than weeks down the line when you've become even more invested. But fingers crossed he's just busy at work!

Manxiety · 02/11/2020 16:53

Who paid for the hotel? Just curious... Hmm

Bluntness100 · 02/11/2020 16:57

I think thr op is understandably just nervous because he went quiet after sex, said little this morning and then just texted her thanks ans hope you had a good time, she was the one who went back asking for a second date and he’s read and not responded. So she’s feeling anxious and like she made a mistake going to a hotel for sex with him. Which is kinda natural anxiety really.

Original poster
lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 16:57

It was super cheap hahah it was £30. He paid for it I said we would split it ofc so said I would get him his meal if we still go! If he changes his mind I'll obviously transfer half

OP posts: