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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

first date regret

570 replies

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 14:59

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

OP posts:
lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 16:59

Thanks @Bluntness100 SmileFlowers I think he should have finished work now so the anxiety is ever growing hahaha

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/11/2020 17:00

Christ if he changes his mind don’t give him fifteen quid!

Try to keep yourself busy so you don’t pounce and respond immediately if he does text.

Russell19 · 02/11/2020 17:01

Do not give him £15 OP! Haha! Hopefully he'll text you back soon.

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 17:06

Hahahaha okay, noted! Wink

OP posts:
BooFuckingHoo2 · 02/11/2020 17:07

In all honesty I don’t think “gentle, nice guys” suggest £30 hotels for a shag on the first date!

Unfortunately I don’t think he’ll text you, because I’ve seen similar scenarios play out with my friends so many times. You shouldn’t feel bad though, just chalk it up to experience Flowers

Woui · 02/11/2020 17:08

Fingers crossed for you OP.

TiggerDatter · 02/11/2020 17:09

My fingers are crossed for you OP, and my tummy is doing flips in time with yours!

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 17:11

You're all so sweet Flowers thanks guys! The waiting game begins!

OP posts:
Littleheart5 · 02/11/2020 17:18

Whatever happens, chalk it down to experience and don’t beat yourself up over it!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 02/11/2020 17:23

Christ above, don't send him your half of the hotel money!
Hope it goes the way you want, but don't torture yourself if it doesn't.

Isthisnothing · 02/11/2020 17:58

Personally I would just busy myself and put my phone totally out of reach for the evening. I would also feel a little vulnerable so even if he does get in touch I wouldn't be bringing up the dinner date again or saying I had ideas. Let him take the lead (just to protect yourself).

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 02/11/2020 17:58

Anything from him OP?

MLMbotsgoaway · 02/11/2020 18:00

Meh I slept with my DH on our first date - 15 years later and we are fine. If he doesn’t usually text at work no need to think anything’s wrong.

Zolaanna · 02/11/2020 18:03

Personally and from experience those boys who are interested will show you. He doesn't seem that into you.
Also do you really want to be with someone having to wait for them to contact you Confused
Sounds like playing games to me.

You need to be with some who contacts you and makes you feel like you're important to them

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 18:06

Nothing yet Blush Im 99% sure he'd be home by now

OP posts:
Crystal87 · 02/11/2020 18:08

I slept with my husband on the first date. However from experience with most other men, if you have sex straight away or are very sexual with the texts and pics it can make it seem that that that's all the relationship is about and if they're looking for a relationship, they'll move on from you. That's not your fault though. You went with what felt right in the moment and there's nothing wrong with that.

Zolaanna · 02/11/2020 18:09

He won't treat you well if you continue to see him

LindyLou2020 · 02/11/2020 18:18

@lugzy083

Nothing yet Blush Im 99% sure he'd be home by now
Whichever way it goes.........PLEASE let us know. I've got my fingers crossed for you, but the suspense is killing me!!!
MusicWithRocksIn1t · 02/11/2020 18:30

I hope he replies! He's a total arse if he doesn't.

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 18:32

He replied!!! Along the words of
"I did have a lovely evening! I've only just got in, I'm knackered". Didn't answer anything about the meal (although he did this the other day about our first date and then brought it up later, so who knows)

OP posts:
TiersTiersTiers · 02/11/2020 18:33

Give the poor bloke time folks!

TiersTiersTiers · 02/11/2020 18:33

Crossed post...

There you go he replied.

pumpkinpie01 · 02/11/2020 18:39

That sounds like he didn't want to ignore your text but didn't have much time when he text to put much more. I reckon he will text again later are you going to text him back ? X

pumpkinpie01 · 02/11/2020 18:39

Excuse the x got confused with texting mates !

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 18:40

I'm not sure! I dunno how to reply, whether to bring up the meal.. I have no idea! (we were only free tonight or Wednesday so it's defo not happening tonight then lol).

OP posts: