first date regret

[lugzy083]

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

I think you are over analysing this. Take a more chilled out approach.

The early part of dating has always been anxiety driven for me, with decisions about texting/sex/ playing it cool etc. I don't really have any advice, each situation is different. But either way, you didn't do anything wrong, it was a mutual decision to extend the date. If he's gone cold afterwards then maybe he just prefers the chase which is excruciating if you're not a play it cool type. Take care and if you don't hear back chalk it up and move on x

I hope he comes through for you OP. My personal opinion is that people who see more with you will still want to pursue you even if you sleep with them on date 1. People who dont see more with you wont pursue more with you even if you dont sleep with them until date 882. I personally wouldnt want to date someone who wasnt interested in me because I had sex early on.

I wasnt typically in the habit of getting naked with someone quickly, but I slept with a man on date 1 and many years later he is my husband (for clarity - we have been together since then).

Delete all his messages and move on. Do not message him again. He may well pop in in a few days with a load of excuses.
If he liked you, you wouldn’t need to question x

No it’s not looking good , he’s deliberately ignoring it, I’m sorry

I suspect the signs were there, that he didn’t say anything about a second date when he left this morning, that he texted a polite brush off text, that he ignored your first message, then responded ignoring the date request, and very briefly. The signs are he’s being polite but he doesn’t wish to continue this.

Why don’t you just stop being games and be honest with him?

‘I’m feeling quite vulnerable after last night, I’ve never had sex on a first date before and I feel like I’m reading too much into everything today. Do you mind if we have a chat so we both know where we stand!’

Hope he's not playing the il wait same amount of time as she did to reply to reply to OP .. or maybe he doesn't wanna come across as too keen ..

I just don't want to come across as too keen or creep him out! I'm quite sad about the meal thing because it was his idea. (We were meant to go for lunch yesterday but he forgot he had a family meal and could only go for a walk/drink later - said he'd make it up to me by taking me out for a meal this week)
So yeah, feeling a bit bummed about it

I’m feeling quite vulnerable after last night, I’ve never had sex on a first date before and I feel like I’m reading too much into everything today. Do you mind if we have a chat so we both know where we stand!’

OMg, this is the worst advice ever. Please don’t be sending him this. It’s so bad.

or maybe he doesn't wanna come across as too keen

I think that ship has sailed..

Op. I don’t know how to say this gently, and I really seriously hope I’m wrong. But I think he’s ending it. 💐

Hm if he replied around 6.30 and then you replied around 8.30 maybe he's waiting a bit to reply? Now I'm reading in to everything honestly though don't feel bad, you did nothing wrong but I do understand the feeling!

When did he call off the lunch yesterday?

It's shit I know. But you'll be OK. Just please please please don't text him again 🌹

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit great response, I’ll be stealing that in future! 👑

OP please don’t send him any more texts, not even to ask where you stand. Keep your dignity.

Really in my dating experience if your left wondering/stressing and playing the checking ways app game then they're not interested, if a man is interested then you'll know and it won't feel stressed/forced/confusing. I don't think you've made him change his mind after sleeping with him, it probably would have ended the same even if you'd not slept with him. Personally I don't think it was very gentlemen like of him to go through with sex on a first date in the first place, he sounds a bit of a player to me ☹️ xx

Yeah I think I know deep down you're all right I won't be texting again, ball is in his court now and if he doesn't reply then I haven't lost anything really! At least I had a good night out of it hahaha. Can't believe how lovely you all are on here

Onwards and upwards OP - you did nothing wrong and better to know after one date than ten of them.

@Untangled87

I read this and inwardly groaned. "Nice guys" are never nice... and then lo and behold, somehow you end up in a hotel having sex on the first date.

Yes, but she wanted to have sex on the first date too, so she's clearly not a nice girl. So they seem to be perfectly suited to each other

(Or are we only allowed to slut shame guys on here?)

I don't think we should be slut shaming anyone to be fair.

If you want to go on a date and have sex then fine, that's cool but it's not very nice to ghost someone afterwards - it's be better if people made their intentions clear in the beginning but it's not a perfect world so least anyone can do is explain to the person afterwards that they're not interested instead of ghosting someone.

I hope he replies to you OP if not, move on and put it down to life experience.

Keep that positive attitude - it was absolutely nothing you did or didn’t do, and it’s definitely his loss

@lugzy083
If he doesn’t reply then it is his loss honestly . I chased a guy for a second date . When he didn’t reply , I double texted and he eventually responded like yeah sure sometime I’m so busy though , so maybe . Was awful . He wasn’t interested at all, wish I could go back and not text but done now . You haven’t done anything wrong . See what happens but if nothing don’t worry 💐

Another one who slept with partner on the first night 18 months ago and he's now fast asleep at the side of me. You've done nothing wrong sleeping with him on the first night and if you don't hear from him he's clearly not the one for you xx

Looks like he’s not interested sadly - but you were definitely not too keen! You sent a couple of perfectly nice and reasonable texts the evening after you spent the night together. Playing it cool is only good if you’re a personality who’s naturally happy to do that. Otherwise why pretend!
At least you won’t look back and wonder if you should have tried harder😉
But you’ve probably done as much as a human can do now.
If it hurts, it’s not love 🙂

There are a lot of very old-fashioned attitudes on this thread that still seem to view sex as something for women to allow to be done to them by men. OP, you did nothing wrong, or maybe only texting for so long before you actually met, which I generally think leads to disappointment. I’ve had relationships where I had sex immediately, and ones where I didn’t for weeks or months, and there was no correlation with the quality or length of the relationship (or indeed the sex). Similarly, I’ve had enjoyable one night stands which I look back on with enjoyment. I’ve been married for aeons to someone I slept with on our first date.

Plenty more fish.

@Bluntness100

I’m feeling quite vulnerable after last night, I’ve never had sex on a first date before and I feel like I’m reading too much into everything today. Do you mind if we have a chat so we both know where we stand!’

OMg, this is the worst advice ever. Please don’t be sending him this. It’s so bad.

^ why is it bad advice? Op is an adult not a teenager.
All this wondering can be solved by simple honesty.

The last MN thread I read like this ended with him eventually texting for a second date, after all the MN posters convinced the OP that he never would. See what tomorrow brings OP. Don’t worry about it now.