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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

first date regret

570 replies

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 14:59

Went on a first date yesterday with a boy I've been texting for a few weeks. I'm 24 and he's 26. He is a really gentle and nice guy, and he took things quite slow on text such as he would throw in a really nice compliment every once in a while such as oh you look beautiful in that picture or your voice sounds really nice over the phone. It was quite sweet-flirty and not sexual.

We decided to go for a quick drink/walk yesterday and then we said we will go for a meal one evening before lockdown. The chat was flowing, he was really making me laugh, he went to hold my hand at one point and putting his arm round me towards the end. He seemed quite shy and it was really sweet.

We got a few drinks down (not many, we weren't exactly drunk) and he said that he didn't really want the night to end yet and joked about getting a hotel. I'm not really sure why, as it's not really in my character, but long story short we agreed to get a hotel and we had sex.

It was incredible but in some ways I really wish I didn't because I like the whole build up of dates etc and it's really not what I usually do (just to add he did not pressure it in any way, I just sort of regret it now).

He was pretty quiet afterwards but to be fair he also looked shattered and was falling asleep. We went to sleep cuddling/clasping hands but he moved throughout the night and then got straight up when his alarm went off. He left early for work and kissed me goodbye, as he said he would have to, and he texted saying he was sorry for leaving so early and he hoped I enjoyed the evening. He's at work but he's read and not responded to my reply about how I had a good time and to let me know when he wants to go for the meal as I had some ideas. I don't know whether to take this as a rejection? He seemed really sweet and lovely but I'm worried now he's got what he wanted and I reallly wish I just waited. What do I do?

OP posts:
lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 20:44

He's "seen" WhatsApp like 10 minutes ago and I sent it half an hour ago. Hasn't opened my message yet. I bloody hate texting hahahahaha

OP posts:
rosesareredxxx · 02/11/2020 20:47

Following with interest.. has he replied yet

DianaT1969 · 02/11/2020 20:49

Sorry OP, but you shouldn't have texted again. When he sent a short, "I'm knackered" message he wasn't opening up a conversation.
If you hadn't responded he would have had to get in touch to talk about the date or drop contact. Either way you would have known what he was thinking quickly.

GondolaBing · 02/11/2020 20:50

You need to step back OP.

YOU are the prize. He should be pursuing YOU. And if doesn’t then he does not deserve you.

GondolaBing · 02/11/2020 20:52

And bollocks to whether you slept with him too soon. A proper man will want to get to you know and sex is just part of that. If he thinks less of you for having had sex with him on the first date then he is a fool and needs to grow up.

Bellagio40 · 02/11/2020 20:55

Please do not text him again. If he wants to have dinner with you on Wednesday he will make sure it happens and if he doesn’t, do not send him half the cost of the hotel.

2020wish · 02/11/2020 20:56

I would cool off. U will do ur head in watching his WhatsApp.

Zolaanna · 02/11/2020 20:59

He's just not interested. I'm not sure how people can't see that Hmm

dazzlinghaze · 02/11/2020 21:02

I would leave it now, OP. If he gets back to you with some decent conversation/ to make plans for Wednesday then fair enough but don't you do anymore chasing. From experience, you'll only feel worse if you keep trying to talk to him and it doesn't go anywhere.

MiniCooperLover · 02/11/2020 21:07

Zolaana, how do you work that out ?!? The first date was yesterday!! One day ago ... they stayed in a hotel and had a nice night: there have been texts and in between there was work. OP, you need to relax a little.

Coronawireless · 02/11/2020 21:07

She’s right to text him. Why play games where she waits passively for him to notice her and catch her like a prize? She could be kept waiting for quite a while and go slowly mad.
Good for you OP. Get your answer, ghost or no ghost, as soon as possible. If it’s a no you can draw a line under him quickly and not waste your headspace.

lousywithvirginity · 02/11/2020 21:11

@MiniCooperLover People who are enthusiastic usually demonstrate it though (particularly when emotions are high after a first date / sex). He's been slowly trying to fob her off from the fact that he's opening stuff and not responding IMO.

IncandescentSilver · 02/11/2020 21:15

I don't think he sounds either nice or shy!

How did you both know which hotel to go to OP?

MLMbotsgoaway · 02/11/2020 21:17

I’d say if you don’t hear from him this evening - move on, but hoping you do.

Bluntness100 · 02/11/2020 21:18

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

Good luck OP.

Also this has absolutely nothing to do with the thread but I always imagine @Bluntness100 looks like a mix of Annie Lennox and Jamie Lee Curtis 😃

Lol, no my hair is very long and wavy and I’m defintely not as attractive as either of those, 😃

Op. I can’t lie. He’s not acting keen. I’m sorry,

Please do not text him again now and wait for his response. Let him chase for a date, you’ve done it you can’t keep doing it.

Civilhelp · 02/11/2020 21:18

I think op is right to text at this stage . If that puts him off then he was never worth it .

Bluntness100 · 02/11/2020 21:20

@Civilhelp

I think op is right to text at this stage . If that puts him off then he was never worth it .
She has texted, I think she doesn’t need to text any more now, she’s also basically asked for a second date and he’s blanked it

Either he’s an arsehole or he’s being polite and doesn’t wish to take this further.

Footle · 02/11/2020 21:22

I was a nice girl and I'm a nice old lady too. Had sex 24 hours after meeting, still together 40 years on.

sarahc336 · 02/11/2020 21:22

Firstly you did nothing wrong by sleeping with him but that reply tonight for me has set my "not interested radar" off sorry to say, it was a very polite reply but if he's interested he's going into to bag the second date and he didn't mention it. You've replied now I think you'll now not hear from him until tomorrow and again it'll be a very polite message.
But if this is true I wouldn't base it on the fact you slept with him on the first date, it's the 21st century us women are allowed to have sex 😜 look after yourself xx

Mikeymoo12 · 02/11/2020 21:23

Love your Footle!!

FastAndCurious · 02/11/2020 21:23

You sound so lovely OP but honestly I don’t think he’s interested and I would stop texting and see how it lies.

Reading your message at work but not replying and then ignoring the part of your text about meeting up makes me think he’s not as nice as you thought and he was just out for sex. If someone wants to see you and make plans, they will do. Even his text when he got home wasn’t really inviting conversation and leaving your message unread just adds to all of the above.

Honestly, if someone is interested you will know. If you’re left confused, then they’re not interested.

Move on from this one.

Mikeymoo12 · 02/11/2020 21:24

Meant to say love your reply Footle!!

Footle · 02/11/2020 21:25

@Mikeymoo12 , love to you too, whoever you are. There's some sanctimonious weirdos on here.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 02/11/2020 21:25

Queens don't chase. That's how your crown falls off 👸

lugzy083 · 02/11/2020 21:25

Thanks everyone you've all been so lovely in your replies. He's been online 2 mins ago and not even opened my message yet so yeah it's not looking good for me is it ConfusedSad

OP posts: