I left my wife a month ago but now going back for her mental health state

[Jack1964]

Hi all.
I left my wife about a month ago, I already posted on here about it.
Anyway finally told her I was leaving and we could talk about division of assets in the near future.
To make things easy on her I said we would not do anything with all the assets for another year and we would split profits and wages from the company 50/50.
I can honestly say I am much happier in my beautiful but small apartment, I can feel a sense of my real self coming back.
So during this break up my wife has had a mental breakdown and is seeing a clinical physiatrist along with acounselor , so about 3 appointments a week.
She has been begging weeping , losing tons of weight and she was already super slim, for me to come back.
So I am returning home but will live in the pool house .
She thinks it will be easy on her if we can disengage over time with me still living on the property.
I really would prefer to be left alone but I see her everyday in our family business.
I’m losing a ton of money giving up my 1 year lease 11 months early.
I fear she will go top herself if I’m not around.
What to do ?
I’m feeling pretty down about returning and living next to her

Email her afterwards to confirm what was discussed and decided, like minutes of a meeting

I think treating it like a business meeting is a great idea. I'm wary of the OP writing down what's been agreed with his wife though, she may manipulate him into agreeing things that are not in his best interests. And if he writes it down while he's still reeling from whatever manipulation tactics she's employed, he may agree in writing to things he regrets later.

Jack, have you considered going to mediation (over the divorce)?

There is nothing to be gained for you meeting her on weekends, and everything to be gained for her. She will subject you to massive emotional manipulation. Just don't go there. Sort it out via email or solicitor. You really don't owe her weekend get togethers.

If you meet face to face you will certainly end up agreeing to things on the fly that you will later wish you hadn't.

Absolutely every suggestion needs to have time for reflection before either of you agrees, and everything must be in writing.

If I were in your position, I'd definitely engage a solicitor, but if you are really adamant that you don't want to then email is the only way that makes sense.

Your meetings are not going to be worth anything - either one of you can agree all sorts and next week - change your minds! If you are agreeing to separate the assets do it through mediation. Mediation is cheaper than solicitors and lawyers and supported by the courts system, having a third party to the discussion also means there is less room for misunderstandings or decisions by emotions. If you're own children are telling you splitting up is a good idea because they lived through your arguments - what makes you think that you can do something as challenging as separating assets in this new fair and respectfully communicated manner?

Is there a pattern that when you make a stand, however small, that you feel you have to give a large swathe of ground in acknowledgement of your small boundary setting act? I just wondered if this is the dance you have been doing with your wife as it seems you have been close to going a number of times but return - how has that happened?

Did you see her today @Jack1964?

Nope,
Going over tomorrow around 5 pm

Jack in the nicest way, you do come across as a pushover as far as your ex is concerned and I can imagine you giving her a settlement that she far too generous and leaving yourself short so that you can justify leaving.

I agree with the others that meditation would seem like a good idea and hopefully you will get a fairer settlement.

Hope it went OK today. You may be one of the few who can make lockdown work for you, use the no mixing of households to your advantage