I left my wife a month ago but now going back for her mental health state

[Jack1964]

Hi all.
I left my wife about a month ago, I already posted on here about it.
Anyway finally told her I was leaving and we could talk about division of assets in the near future.
To make things easy on her I said we would not do anything with all the assets for another year and we would split profits and wages from the company 50/50.
I can honestly say I am much happier in my beautiful but small apartment, I can feel a sense of my real self coming back.
So during this break up my wife has had a mental breakdown and is seeing a clinical physiatrist along with acounselor , so about 3 appointments a week.
She has been begging weeping , losing tons of weight and she was already super slim, for me to come back.
So I am returning home but will live in the pool house .
She thinks it will be easy on her if we can disengage over time with me still living on the property.
I really would prefer to be left alone but I see her everyday in our family business.
I’m losing a ton of money giving up my 1 year lease 11 months early.
I fear she will go top herself if I’m not around.
What to do ?
I’m feeling pretty down about returning and living next to her

What to do?

Well it sounds like you’ve made you’re decision and you’re just looking for a load of mumsnetters to say how amazing you are. Like your last thread

Don’t go back! I did this and ended up staying another 6 years with my cheating, abusive ex. I wasted those years and the outcome was the same.

No. I don't know your previous history but this isn't going to work. You said you would, but it was coercion. Don't move back.

@Sodamncold There’s nothing wrong with looking for support/validation when making difficult decisions. Women do it in here all the time but it’s always different when the man is being wronged!

I once read
"Do not set yourself alight to keep someone else warm!"
It hit home then and I think about it often _prioritise you.

Wow a resounding NO.
I feel like such a prick now for saying I would move back.

You are allowed to change your mind. You are not a prick for having thought about it and deciding this won't work.

No from me too. It gives mixed messages and she won’t learn to cope without you which is what she needs to do.

From now on she is your business partner only, the sooner that she accepts this the better for everyone.

Please tell her you have changed your mind and are staying in your flat. Then stick to it.

Don’t go back. Tell her you have reconsidered and know that going back will only prolong the pain.

Quite apart from anything else, why would having the man she cheated on living in the pool house improve her mental health? Mental illness ca’t be improved or healed by getting her own way. Let the professional she is seeing three times a week attend to her health.

It’s a no, no, NO, from me too!
I have been left, and done the leaving, and in both situations, a clean break is the only way. Going back just prolongs the agony for both parties, and as she sounds abusively manipulative, staying away is the safest thing for you to do for your future wellbeing. As PPs have said, however you may feel, her mental state is not your responsibility, and she has the support of specialist mental health professionals who are best placed to monitor and help her.
Please, rescind your decision to go back, and take one step at a time towards a happier time. It’s tough, but it won’t last forever.
Good luck! Xx

I think if you moved back, you’d be giving her false hope that you are willing to get back together with her. So for that reason, don’t. It’s really for the best that you’re living apart while she has the psychiatric support to help her instead of later when she doesn’t.

Like everyone else I think you should not go back, and I certainly do not think you should live in the pool house. Why does she get the house and get the pool house

You will regret going back if you did.... she just needs time to process the split..... she will accept this eventually...... but if you went back ...the day you both eventually find peace and happiness separately in your lives will take longer

If you go back you will feel resentful and sad. Stand your ground and once she knows that she has lost her hold on you she will move on. You are not doing her any favours by moving back.

Do not go back. It’s either making the split harder and giving false hope for her and torture for you or it’s the start of you getting back together.

I think you need to figure out how to separate the business so that you don’t see her through that either. Even if you don’t do this right now, get advice and start finding ideas on how you want to move forward. It sounds like you are still prioritising her needs over yours. She is in a big house with a pool house and you are in a tiny flat, make sure when you split financially you get your fair share and start doing what’s in your best interests. You deserve to be happy.

After reading your previous posts I think moving back is the worst idea.

No do not do this. Stay in your apartment, she will get over it.

I totally agree with others who have said don't do it! You're important too, she will get support from elsewhere once she realises she can't manipulate you.

What about your mental health?

[quote PurpleFlower1983]@Sodamncold There’s nothing wrong with looking for support/validation when making difficult decisions. Women do it in here all the time but it’s always different when the man is being wronged![/quote]
But he knows he’s not going to get “validation” surely

It strikes me as just looking for pats and praise

You'd indeed tell her you therapist is advising against the move because of your mental poor health. Your therapist has advised you a weekly therapy and peace at home.

Don't do it! It will be so much harder to make the break a second time. Hard though it is, her mental health is her business and should not be reliant on you. It will be no better in another year.

If he continues to chop and change plans with his ex, he’s going to add terribly to her mental health challenges

"poor mental health"

DO NOT GO BACK. EVER

You need to move on. She needs to move on.
The danger is you now get entrenched back into that relationship for the rest of your life.

Have you also thought that she may have read your previous thread and this one and is manipulating you?