Help please ladies, mental abuse and narcissist behaviour.

[Christmashappy]

Hi ladies
I hope this is the last time I post on here about this man.
I am at an all time low.
I have left my narcissist 3 times this year.
The last time was for good, I told my family, my ex(kids dad).
I was truly done with him, on top of the mental abuse, there had been sexting of videos for a 3 year period.
He managed to reel me back in, I know this is on me.
No one knows we are in the relationship, he is still awful.
I feel like I have no self confidence left and I am just skimming over life.
One minute I feel so strong and happy then he pulls the rug and I am weak.
I think he is a sociopath.
I hate myself for worrying about being on my own, I was so convinced he was the one. Especially after a messy divorce.
X

@Orkneys
I will do, it scares me how many boxes he ticks.
I think the optimist in me thought he would change but I know that is never ever going to happen.
I have been trying to focus on small things.
Having time with the kids on my own.
I used to be really worried about being on my own when they are with their dad but I am looking forward to recharging on these days, catching up with uni work.
The anxiety over the end of the relationship is leaving me.
Even just watching what I want on TV x