Bf doesn't know if he can accept my kids in the future

[physicspaper]

So my bf of almost 2 years has said all along he doesn’t know if, when the time comes, he’ll be able to deal with my two kids (7 & 10). He’s never wanted children but didn’t seem to mind mine quite as much, I guess because they’re a little older and not babies/toddlers. At first I was fine with this but recently I’ve heard about his parents ribbing him about them and basically making fun. This has really upset me and I don’t know anymore if I want to continue this relationship.

I love him dearly and we get on really well and have an incredible sex life. He says there may come a point where he’ll be happy with the kids, when they can look after themselves, but he doesn’t know for sure. I don’t want to meet anyone else but I don’t know what to do for the best now. He’s fine with the kids when he’s here (we have a ldr of approx 225 miles) but he’s not a father figure and while I’m not looking for this exactly, there will be a time when I want us to live together which I guess will involve him being a dad of sorts.

We viewed houses for him to buy last week when I was at his (he still lives at home currently) and he said things like ‘you can all move in here with me’ and ‘there’s jobs around here for you’ but this evening when I’ve asked him outright what he sees for the future with us he says he doesn’t know. I know his parents approval is important to him and they’re really lovely people but I don’t like my kids/me being made fun of with terms such as surrogate grandchildren, even if it’s not to my face and is said in jest. When I ask him why they say these things he thinks it’s because they’re sad that they’ll never get their own grandkids. His parents have never met my kids and my bf says he thinks it would be very awkward if they did.

Not sure what to do from here really.

@Alongwayfromeverything sorry you're going through that. Hope you soon are feeling much better about everything.

To be honest I wouldn't advise anyone with dc to make a major commitment until at least 3 years into the relationship as it takes at least that long to pass the rose tinted specs stage and learn what a person is really like and therefore if you're right for each other. Especially with dc involved

I NEVER said or even implied that there's anything WRONG With wanting a relationship.

What I said is we need as a society, especially to girls and women, is make sure that people know they don't HAVE to be in a relationship.

There's too much emphasis on women's validity relating to their partner/spouse!

Men aren't judged on being single in the same way women are at all!

And particularly when there are children involved parents need to be cautious when entering new relationships.

I mean "promote" as in stop negatively judging single people and Make it as valid a choice as entering into a new relationship is.

Pretty much as soon as I split from ex - I'm talking weeks! I had people bugging me about meeting someone else, trying to set me up with completely unsuitable people, pitiful looks and comments... ugh!

I was still dealing with an unsettled toddler, a new job, fucked finances and the delight of having to get sti testing because of his irresponsible behaviour AND his continued irresponsible behaviour towards dd inc not paying maintenance and blaming me for the split! To anyone fool enough to listen to him.

To go on what I thought were lunches/coffees with friends and...oh what a surprise my newly single (usually unattractive with poor personal hygiene and dodgy social skills!) male friend just happens to be here too...

Give me a fucking break!

Women tend to do well single. I read somewhere that single women and married men have the best outcomes statistically in terms of health and happiness.

There are several studies that show this type of outcome.

Being in a relationship generally benefits men more than women.

In my case I'm bi so I've dated women too and if you think that makes things easier I'm telling you it doesn't!

Women and men may (generally speaking) have different bad habits but there are challenges whoever you're dating.

Lots of gay and bi women without dc of their own are also not interested in dating people with kids (absolutely their choice not criticising that just saying it can be difficult as a single parent whatever sex you're dating)

In the nicest possible way I think you are living in cloud cuckoo land.
Why would you even contemplate being with someone (and whose 7 years younger!!) that doesn't want to factor in your DCs.

Let's be honest he is 26 and got his life ahead of him, I doubt he has ever dated someone with kids before and knows what the long term commitments /problems are and especially someone 7 years older with kids soon to be teenagers you are both at different stages in life, If I was his parent I would be ripping him to, why would my son want to deal with someone else's kids when he could find someone his own age and start up a family together without the dramas/hassle/problems of step children, there are plenty childless women in their 20's, sorry op but you need to dump him for both your benefits.

Sadly this doesnt bode well for a happy ending when hes unsure of your DCs. Now is easy at 10 and 7, the really challenging years are ahead when they are teenagers in 5+ years time. At 26 I’m not surprised he finds it a daunting prospect. He’s so much younger than you and we know men are much less mature. I’m not sure you are both at the same stage in your lives.... BUT you’re not making any real commitment right now so perhaps you see how it goes. He can buy his house and get to know your DCs and see what happens.