Dp just answered a call from his ex who has caused issues between us and was NC. AIBU?

[Littleideasbigbook]

The phone rang about 10 mins ago. It was his ex and he showed me the screen and said 'Oh it is Xxxx it might be urgent' so I in shock said 'You better answer' now i can hear him up there laughing. As far as I know they haven't had contact since March after she sent him a message saying 'I'd go as far as to say I still love you'.

I am shaking. We had a nice dinner, wine and watching a film. Fuck. This. Shit.

(No DC. Broke up in Nov 2017, after 13 years. She is twice his age for context. He was 17, she was 35 when they got together. Her son is a year younger.)

Do you live together, op?

I’d be having none of that WTF?!?!?

I would have walked up there 8 minutes ago and asked what the fuck is going on!!
No kids. No excuse.
Don't be mugged off!

If they don't have children they have no reason at all to be in contact , ever.

Why did you tell him to answer?

He needs to make that his last ever contact, otherwise you should show him the door.

Why did you tell him to answer?

Because he said it might be urgent.

It was shock and my first thought was maybe her son had died.

Yes. We live together. He came off the phone, walked down the stairs and looked at me and said 'What?' The excuse why she rang was pathetic. I have told him to get to fuck and gone to bed.

That was my forat thought, that something catastrophic had happened to a woman who gives zero fucks about me.

*first

He was 17, she was 35 when they got together

This makes me feel very uncomfortable and quite frankly....disgusted.

Something is not quite right for a 17 year old to get into a relationship with a 35 year old woman. A year older than her DS!

That in itself would have made me reluctant to proceed with a relationship with him.
Such large age gaps create an imbalance and quite often manipulation from the older person.

Why would he still have her number in his phone? Just waiting to hear from her again, I imagine.

Her reason for ringing him?

She hasn't drunk for 3 years, went out, bumped into his friend and thought of him so rang him. She is 51 ffs. He is 33. Most people would go through the process of 'It is 9pm on a Saturday night, he is probably with his partner as they live together. I want to ring him but I won't because fundamentally I am not a comolete cunt'.

He thought there was nothing wrong with this and it is a plausible and perfectly acceptable situation. That us my problem isn't it? He doesn't see that it is wrong.

@SandyY2K I have a 17 year old DS. Sickens me too.

How did she cause issues between you previously?

There was zero reason to actually answer her call though. Even if the worst possible happened, so what! It’s not like he should be a support or shoulder for her to cry and lean on. NC should mean total NC. Your situation with the much older ex sounds vaguely familiar, did you post about some previous issues caused by her 1-2 years ago?

They met up a lot, which I knew about but he lied about some of what they did together e.g. said they went for a walk but they went swimming.

Arranged to meet up without telling me etc. She messaged him inappropriate things such as 'I still love you but I had to let you go'. She constantly trampled on my boundaries. Some of what he has told me about the start of their relationship leads me to believe she groomed him. She is a secondary scholl teacher ffs (not his).

I should have kept my guard up. I didn't go for it after our first date because of his baggage and I had come out of a marriage in 2014 where i had bones broken so was very wary but he chipped away . Could kick myself.

Krampus yes, posted previously as she caused problems for 2 years before I put my foot down. Told him it was NC or we are through.

I think you should make an end of this. He's your issue, and honestly, I could not be arsed to keep going with someone so disrespectful.

He can't be trusted, not as far as you can throw him. If he was truly committed to you, he would have blocked her entirely, never mind to just not answer the fucking call. I'm thinking he enjoys making you upset over her. What a prick.

What a fucking waste of 3 years. I am done with men relationships. They are all an absolute joke. I am never subjecting myself and more importantly, my DC to this ever again.

It doesn't matter that she called, the problem is he answered knowing the issues she's caused in the past. She can't cause any trouble without his full participation.

'I should have kept my guard up. I didn't go for it after our first date because of his baggage and I had come out of a marriage in 2014 where i had bones broken so was very wary but he chipped away . Could kick myself.'

Don't beat yourself up about it but don't allow them to take the piss out of you.
Be strong & put yourself first.
Don't take no shit