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Original poster

What if one of your sons 'steals' your other sons gf?

204 replies

MorrisZapp · 04/10/2020 09:33

Obviously the girlfriend is a sentient being and can't be stolen but the world won't see it that way and nor will your dumped, heartbroken son.
This has happened in my wider family. The sons are in their twenties and the first son had been together with his lovely girlfriend for years.
I just don't know how to feel about it all. I'm so desperately heartbroken for my nephew, he's lost everything. But my other nephew is a kind, gentle person who I know would never deliberately hurt anyone.
God I feel for their mum. Is there any way if enough time passes they can find a way back to a normal family relationship? I'm actually relieved this Christmas will be so socially limited now as I just don't see how we could accommodate this bewildering new normal. Has this happened in anyone else's family?

OP posts:
MrsGulDukat · 04/10/2020 11:10

OP, you just confirmed that their was cheating involved, so no, GF and Brother are not nice people at all. Even worse when they are in the same house.

Zippy1510 · 04/10/2020 11:11

If I was their mum the girl would not be welcome to set foot inside my house.

TableFlowerss · 04/10/2020 11:11

@Pelleas

**People are allowed to end relationships that aren't working for them, however nice their partner might be.

Why should she not go out with her ex's brother? The ex has no right to control who his brother or his ex go out with.

Clearly the situation is awkward for the family, but it's something they'll just have to put up with if the relationship lasts**

There’s a line that the majority of people do t cross. There are done people that are ‘no goes’ regardless. Most people wouldn’t entertain the idea of getting together with their best friends ex partner, or their sisters ex partner ect....

Some people do cross that moral line and deal with the fallout, but morally it’s questionable. Particularly if the 1st brother has still got feelings etc and is ‘heartbroken’. Different if he ended it etc and met someone else and was happy with it.

Are you telling me that if your partner split up with you tomorrow and says he was dating your sister, you’d be cool with it? I doubt it very much!

Pelleas · 04/10/2020 11:16

Are you telling me that if your partner split up with you tomorrow and says he was dating your sister, you’d be cool with it? I doubt it very much!

I obviously wouldn't be happy if my husband left me, but I don't think it would make much difference who he left me for - if he's gone, he's gone.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 11:18

Bit he wouldn't be gone if he was with your sister - she'd be wanting to bring him to family events as her partner, you couldn't go round to her house to see her without him being there if they lived together etc etc

TheStoic · 04/10/2020 11:18

I obviously wouldn't be happy if my husband left me, but I don't think it would make much difference who he left me for - if he's gone, he's gone.

You don’t think it would make a difference if it was your sister or your best friend?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 04/10/2020 11:19

@Nymeriastark1

Your other nephew isn't kind or gentle he's an ass hole Confused. And the girlfriend isn't a lovely girlfriend she's a sneaky cow Hmm. Just support their mum and stay out of it. I doubt it will last. Relationships that start in a mess like this normally don't.
Yep- this is all true.

What kind of man betrays his own brother in such a way?- he's a tosser.
What kind of woman decides she's going to have a go at her boyfriend's brother?- she's a nasty piece of work, who's next?- the dad?

Both of them are shitty people.

Kljnmw3459 · 04/10/2020 11:20

If they were wider family it would be easy to just avoid them. But if they're your sons you'll have to grin and bear until time heals some of the wounds or come to terms that you'll never have your family together again under any event.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 11:20

It's disingenuous not to admit that it's vastly different from your ex moving on to a stranger.

Brefugee · 04/10/2020 11:20

Pelleas Sorry "loose" was a silly way of saying it

yes

I simply meant that for someone to go from sleeping with one Brother to the next , so quickly doesnt put her in a very good light really.

still a silly way of saying it. Women can have as much sex as they want (notwithstanding that cheating on someone is a dick move)

Henry VIII is a red-herring. He only married Catherine of A because she was already there and her brother had married her as a strategic move to keep friendly with Spain. Henry VII died pretty soon afterwards so his brother just carried on with the diplomatic side. Nothing to do with love.

GabsAlot · 04/10/2020 11:21

sorry theyre not nice he stole his brothers girlfriend and shes just well

Pelleas · 04/10/2020 11:24

Bit he wouldn't be gone if he was with your sister - she'd be wanting to bring him to family events as her partner, you couldn't go round to her house to see her without him being there if they lived together etc etc

I don't especially like my sister's present partner, but I put up with him. It's not certainly true that I never go to her house without seeing her partner - they live together but they don't live in each other's pockets.

You don’t think it would make a difference if it was your sister or your best friend?

It wouldn't be the overriding issue - I'd be upset because he'd left me, not because of who he'd gone to.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 11:26

I believe my uncle was involved with and shagged two sistersnone after the other (at least i think there was no overlap). He had several children with the first sister too.

He's also a long-term creep/sleaze and tried who sexually assaulted my eldest sister when she was teenager and was grooming my other sisters. My eldest sister has never wanted to report him unfortunately.

Says it all really.

In this case they're around the same age and are v young and foolish but it still shows a lack of boundaries, decency .. selfishness etc.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 04/10/2020 11:26

Of all the women in the world, he went for his brothers girlfriend.

Of all the men in the world, she went for her boyfriend’s brother.

They both sound incredibly unimaginative, I’m not surprised they are homebodies, they probably never see another soul. I hope the younger one is able to get out of there soon, meet some other humans and have a more fulfilling life.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/10/2020 11:26

Very shortsighted of your nephew. I agree with a pp, who said the boys need to get out more to meet a wider pool of women. And yes, stay out of it. It’s a really shitty thing to do.

PrincessBuggerPants · 04/10/2020 11:26

This actually happened in my family.

My uncle was engaged to a woman, they were both in their 30s. The relationship broke down and he got together with and eventually married her younger sister. They eventually got divorced and it is all very sad. You now have three unhappy, childless single people in their 50s and one of them no longer has a relationship with her family which she finds hard.

TBH in our family (family of my uncle iyswim) it was all kind of ignored as we couldn't exactly alienate my uncle.

However, having lost a friend and boyfriend when they slept together behind my back (not the same thing, but you know...) you really need to reconsider this sentiment: "But my other nephew is a kind, gentle person who I know would never deliberately hurt anyone. "

Actually he and the girlfriend very deliberately decided to selfishly hurt his brother for their own gains. That can not and should not be ignored.

GilbertMarkham · 04/10/2020 11:28

It wouldn't be the overriding issue - I'd be upset because he'd left me, not because of who he'd gone to.

Sure thing - he could've left you for a woman in another town so you've never have to see either of them, and your relationship with your sister would be totally unaffected .. but instead he's with your sister, probably in her home, and he'd be her partner/plus one for family events .. but that wouldn't be as big a deal as the fact he's left you at all?

Ok then.

CrazyToast · 04/10/2020 11:29

Nice people can do not-nice things.

What a difficult situation. I feel for the lad who was left. I hope it was worth it for the new couple as they might have lost the brother. However, if they are truely in love, then maybe it was inevitable. Seems badly handled by them, but people in love rarely act sensibly.

There is a wonderful line of a poem I love :

'Love is an uncontrollable flame: it can neither be ignited nor extinguished by choice'

Not excusing it, but these things do happen. I would make it clear it is not ok but remain polite, and support the spurned lad.

mygrandadsvest · 04/10/2020 11:30

"Love is an uncontrollable flame: it can neither be ignored nor extinguished by choice"

Thats bollocks.

Kljnmw3459 · 04/10/2020 11:32

The major difference between your partner leaving you for a stranger vs leaving you for your brother/sister/best friend etc, is that in the first scenario you only lose one relationship. In the second scenario you lose at least two relationships. Usually more as people around you will take sides.

Petitmum · 04/10/2020 11:32

The poor nephew has been betrayed by his girlfriend and his brother!!! The greater betrayal is by the brother. The younger nephew needs the support of his family - his older brother and girlfriend need to accept the consequences of their actions. Time can heal rifts but not always!

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 04/10/2020 11:33

This happened to people I know too. I would say that their parents handled it in the worst possible way, by punishing the cheated on child for complaining publicly and telling people it happened because it made their very much favoured sibling look bad.

I don't think the relationship was ever the same again and I can't see how anyone would expect it would be.

Kljnmw3459 · 04/10/2020 11:33

@CrazyToast What about this saying: You can't choose your feelings but you can choose your actions.

hexmeginny · 04/10/2020 11:35

'Love is an uncontrollable flame: it can neither be ignited nor extinguished by choice'

Nonsense. Get out of cloud cuckoo land. You don't have to act on your feelings.

JaffaCake70 · 04/10/2020 11:35

A slightly different scenario, but I have a Cousin who was treated badly and dumped by a guy. She then went on to date his Brother, they eventually got married. They've now been married for over 30 years and have children.

I'm not going to judge whether it's right or wrong, different people have different boundaries and sets of morals. I'm just adding my knowledge of a similar situation where it did actually work out happily for all in the end.