What if one of your sons 'steals' your other sons gf?

[MorrisZapp]

Obviously the girlfriend is a sentient being and can't be stolen but the world won't see it that way and nor will your dumped, heartbroken son.
This has happened in my wider family. The sons are in their twenties and the first son had been together with his lovely girlfriend for years.
I just don't know how to feel about it all. I'm so desperately heartbroken for my nephew, he's lost everything. But my other nephew is a kind, gentle person who I know would never deliberately hurt anyone.
God I feel for their mum. Is there any way if enough time passes they can find a way back to a normal family relationship? I'm actually relieved this Christmas will be so socially limited now as I just don't see how we could accommodate this bewildering new normal. Has this happened in anyone else's family?

[Roomba]

One of my friend's brothers slept with his girlfriend and was found out. They'd only been together a few weeks and it wasn't a serious relationship yet, but my friend hasn't spoken to his brother since. And this happened 25 years ago, so not much chance of them speaking again now. They just about tolerated being in the same room at their mother's funeral, but they blanked each other and the brother left immediately after the service as he knew he wasn't welcome. Very sad as they are close in age and were thick as thieves their whole lives until it happened.

[CakeRequired]

Don't call a girl a slut for doing something while not calling a boy one.

Well she is a slut, he on the other hand is all kinds of wrong, there's really no word vile enough to describe him.

And going by what someone else says who also knows about this, they both actually have the nerve to live in the same house as the brother she cheated on. Its difficult to describe how low, disgusting and horrible these two are. If anyone in the family actually remains neutral and even accepts this, they are no better. This family is fucked up.

[Hopoindown31]

You can't 'steal' a girlfriend. She has decided she prefers the other brother and she's fully entitled to. Should she miss out on what might prove to be the love of her life, because she made a false start with someone else? Should the 'successful' brother make a martyr of himself?

God, there is always one on every thread.

Yes of course she should miss out, she was seeing this guy's brother, it is never okay!

Deep remorse and regret should be the only things the older brother should be feeling right now. Betraying your own brother is dispicable.

[GilbertMarkham]

Well she is a slut, he on the other hand is all kinds of wrong, there's really no word vile enough to describe him.

That word suggests extreme promiscuity. This isn't about promiscuity; it's about inappropriate behaviour, no boundaries, no decency of loyalty towards the younger brother etc.

So she shouldn't have been called a slut in the first place; my point was not clear on that ... My actual point was to say she shouldn't be called names while the older brother is not. Because they're both responsible.

And you've done it again - called her a name while not calling him one ... Apparently there is no word vile enough; well.do try, I'm sure you can come up wit something, the English language is a rich and wordy one.

[GilbertMarkham]

@user1481840227

You've written several paragraphs but it's still unclear why you've called the girl "loose" and whether you think the older brother who's cheated with and is now is in a relationship with his younger brother's recent ex is equally or more at fault.

[hulahoopqueen]

Hahaha we’ve had this in our wider family (DH’s ex has now been with her first fiancé’s brother for over 2 years). Apparently it is all very normal and things like Christmas are not awkward at all (). IMO it’s weird as hell and I would stay well clear OP.

[Ellapaella]

There are definitely a few unwritten rules in life you should never break. Getting together with your brothers/sisters/best friends ex is definitely one of them imo.its a shitty thing to do and I would not be impressed if any of my boys did this.

[Ellapaella]

Mind you it happened in the Archers didn't it? Ed and Emma? They seem to be living happily ever after...

[PrincessBuggerPants]

To the people on here suggesting that the people who cheated should be the ones to stay away from family gatherings… do you really think people with that thick a skin and lack of boundaries are suddenly going to start behaving appropriately?

[sheepysheep]

I know two sisters who have been with the same man: one was with him for several years then they split up and he married the other sister. There is zero animosity between any of them and their children go to school together and are good friends. I can’t get my head around it but it’s their business. Not going to happen with my brothers - they are both gay 🤣 However I believe they might have both dated the same men over the course of the last decade or two.... they don’t seem bothered.

[workhomesleeprepeat]

Don’t know if you are still reading this thread OP, but I don’t think you know your nephews as well as you do.

Similar happened with my cousins - older brother slept with younger brothers gf. All our elders (aunts uncles parents) thought the brothers were lovely sweet young men, and found it very shocking, whereas all us cousins knew the real deal - the older brother was a horrible bully (to lots of us), and the younger brother was an ok guy but was tormented by his brother - the gf was just one part of it.

My aunt was so proud of ‘her lads’ but god their relationship was toxic. You may not know these boys as well as you think op.

[CakeRequired]

To the people on here suggesting that the people who cheated should be the ones to stay away from family gatherings… do you really think people with that thick a skin and lack of boundaries are suddenly going to start behaving appropriately?

No but you'd think the family would. I wouldn't be even inviting people like that to any gatherings. Don't care if its my family, you don't behave like that to people.

[user1471565182]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deceased_Wife%27s_Sister%27s_Marriage_Act_1907

This is quite interesting-Deceased Wife's Sister's Marriage Act 1907

[SVRT19674]

Well, when I was 17 i was going on a date with a younger brother, and when he said at home that he was going out with me, his elder brother decided he wanted to meet me, as in lifting one off his brother. The moment I met him I didnt like him and I think he sensed it because never heard of him again. I thought it was a shit thing to do and told me all I needed to know about him.

[MorrisZapp]

I've asked for the thread to come down as somebody has recognised the people. Thanks for all the input, some of it very useful, some random but very interesting, and some sexist shite as always expected! It's weird to hear advice about situations you can't truly explain. I know that all three parties are kind people but I accept others may find that odd. There are further circs that mean I suspect I'll never see my older nephew again, and that really is hard. I'm heartbroken for my younger nephew, and if that sounds over involved then I must come from an over involved family. I really do love him. Thanks.

[user1481840227]

[quote GilbertMarkham]@user1481840227

You've written several paragraphs but it's still unclear why you've called the girl "loose" and whether you think the older brother who's cheated with and is now is in a relationship with his younger brother's recent ex is equally or more at fault.[/quote]
You've quoted the wrong person!

[user1481840227]

You can't 'steal' a girlfriend. She has decided she prefers the other brother and she's fully entitled to. Should she miss out on what might prove to be the love of her life, because she made a false start with someone else? Should the 'successful' brother make a martyr of himself?

If they thought they had feelings for her then she should have done the right thing and ended the relationship. They should have then waited some time and started seeing each other and told the brother what was going on.

That might have called a rift, but would not have caused as much damage as cheating and 'stealing' the girlfriend. The damage caused by that isn't about the woman involved, it's about the trauma that would follow being betrayed by a family member like that! That would knock someone for six!

[Oblomov20]

It's just a total no-no. If you can't find a girlfriend from all the women available, but have to resort to taking your brothers, then there is something seriously wrong with you.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

I find it hard to believe that two brothers would be attracted to the same girl in the first place. That's not usual. It sounds like laziness to me on the part of the 'stealing' brother! I suspect their relationship won't last anyway, so a lot of resentment for nothing.

[amusedbush]

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

I find it hard to believe that two brothers would be attracted to the same girl in the first place. That's not usual. It sounds like laziness to me on the part of the 'stealing' brother! I suspect their relationship won't last anyway, so a lot of resentment for nothing.

I know this is an extreme situation (and I find a bit weird too!) but my mum went out with my dad’s brother for a while. He died in a hit and run accident and some time after that my mum started dating my dad. They’ve been married for 35 years.

So brothers can clearly be attracted to the same person, and sometimes it does work out.

[Changedit123]

@MorrisZapp

I've asked for the thread to come down as somebody has recognised the people. Thanks for all the input, some of it very useful, some random but very interesting, and some sexist shite as always expected! It's weird to hear advice about situations you can't truly explain. I know that all three parties are kind people but I accept others may find that odd. There are further circs that mean I suspect I'll never see my older nephew again, and that really is hard. I'm heartbroken for my younger nephew, and if that sounds over involved then I must come from an over involved family. I really do love him. Thanks.

@MorrisZapp don't worry about it. I don't talk to anyone irl about mn. I was just surprised at what a small world we live in!

[GilbertMarkham]

@user1481840227

Apologies, the new quotation feature can be confusing.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

@amusedbush (love the name BTW) isn't that slightly different though because I think sometimes grief brings people together romantically who not otherwise have become a couple? Thinking of the Glee actress who recently drowned whose (ex?) DP now seems to be in a relationship with her sister (although they could just be being mutually supportive).

[Horsemad]

My sister always used to go out with my exes after I'd finished with them.

I found that a bit weird!

[betrayedsister]

This happened in my family.

My sister slept with my boyfriend then bragged about it to her friends. I found out at a dinner party and wrote to her setting out some home truths.

My parents found out about my letter and based on some of the language I'd used in it, asked me to either apologise to her or stop coming home (I was at university at the time, so just about to become independent).

I basically chose to stop coming home. It took me seven years to even speak to my sister again, and the hurt has never gone away. I don't know why, but my parents' reaction to the whole affair has hurt me for longer.