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Original poster

To leave France

343 replies

CroissantMuncher · 03/10/2020 12:19

I have a DP (French) I love and a job that is deeply unfulfilling but pays well. We live in France and I can now apply for citizenship: it will take 2 years for that to be processed.

I am bilingual so there is no language issue. I just find myself missing living in the UK for lots of reasons. I feel like I'm done with france and what I would actually like to do is go back to the UK and retrain in psychology.

I'm 34. All my family and friends in the UK say I'm mad, France is so much better (whilst they still live in the UK....), that I'm throwing away my chance at an EU passport post Brexit, that I'm throwing away my relationship (he refuses to move).

I really dont know what to do. On the one hand settled life with DP in France. On the other hand change career and go back to UK. Part of me thinks I could regret leaving so close to getting citizenship. Another part of me thinks life is short.

Anyone been in a similar quandary or have any thoughts?

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/10/2020 12:42

If I was at a point of deciding whether to immigrate to UK or not now...
I wouldn't.

Can you retrain in France?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/10/2020 12:42

Imho it sounds like it's about the unfulfilling job rather than where you are

GhostCurry · 03/10/2020 12:45

Apply for citizenship without delay. Then make your decision.

Two years goes fast. And you should wait to see how appealing the UK looks on the other side of Brexit.

Notimeforaname · 03/10/2020 12:53

Been there. Partner also French, I lived in France but for a lot less than you i imagine (6 years) but in our instance he wanted to give it a go in my country. I had to be persuaded to leave france.

I totally understand him not wanting to leave his country but the fact that hes flat out refusing and not even open to discussion would really get to me.

Is there any option at all for you to stay until you gain citizenship and then go back to the UK yourself for study?Could you have a long distance relationship for a while or can this not be an option?

SheWranglesRugRats · 03/10/2020 12:53

Yeah I would stick with it. Change jobs. Depending where you live you can get citizenship in well under two years as well.

Elsewyre · 03/10/2020 12:54

@CroissantMuncher

I have a DP (French) I love and a job that is deeply unfulfilling but pays well. We live in France and I can now apply for citizenship: it will take 2 years for that to be processed.

I am bilingual so there is no language issue. I just find myself missing living in the UK for lots of reasons. I feel like I'm done with france and what I would actually like to do is go back to the UK and retrain in psychology.

I'm 34. All my family and friends in the UK say I'm mad, France is so much better (whilst they still live in the UK....), that I'm throwing away my chance at an EU passport post Brexit, that I'm throwing away my relationship (he refuses to move).

I really dont know what to do. On the one hand settled life with DP in France. On the other hand change career and go back to UK. Part of me thinks I could regret leaving so close to getting citizenship. Another part of me thinks life is short.

Anyone been in a similar quandary or have any thoughts?

Why do you need to leave the country to change job?
FourPlasticRings · 03/10/2020 12:55

You may as well get the citizenship thing sorted first. You can always return to Blighty afterwards if you still want to.

Maireas · 03/10/2020 12:55

Come back to the UK. You have friends and family here and can retrain in psychology and build a better career.

Notimeforaname · 03/10/2020 12:56

Why do you need to leave the country to change job? Things can be quite different in France like how you go about studying again and who's entitled to.

One would assume it's not an option for op.

Notimeforaname · 03/10/2020 12:57

But I would definitely stay til citizenship. then decide.

LadyCatStark · 03/10/2020 12:57

At less get your citizenship so you have options. What is your relationship like though as You don’t seem to concerned about leaving it?

Maireas · 03/10/2020 12:58

You don't want to leave it, then regret not coming back. You'll always resent your partner for that.

KenBarlow · 03/10/2020 12:59

I can't imagine loving someone and even considering moving a couple of hours away from them never mind moving country assuming you're meaning permanently

Original poster
CroissantMuncher · 03/10/2020 12:59

Thanks for your thoughts!
I could still retrain in France but it would be a majorly drawn out process compared to the UK.

In the UK I could do a one year conversion, get practical work experience for a year or two and then try and get on the funded doctoral training.

In France I would have to go back and do a three year BA followed by a two year MA...

OP posts:
wildcherries · 03/10/2020 12:59

I'd apply for the citizenship. Wait for post-Brexit to see how appealing relocating would be.

Maireas · 03/10/2020 13:01

It sounds like you've worked out your training etc, so your mind is made up. Go for it.

Original poster
CroissantMuncher · 03/10/2020 13:02

France is much cheaper for studying but it's also (IMO) more convoluted and a bit old school, like the going back for the BA thing I mentioned, plus you need to sit concours and stuff. Not that I'm not open to doing that, and it wouldnt be a problem if I didn't also have the pull of friends, family etc. I do have friends here too, but it's more just everyday living I miss (I know that sounds insane as so often people seem to feel more like the UK is a shit show!).

I know the rational thing is to sit tight and get the citizenship. It just feels so far off and I just have this feeling like life is passing me by a bit.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 03/10/2020 13:02

I could still retrain in France but it would be a majorly drawn out process compared to the UK
Yes the French really like to make a meal out of everything and complicate it. Grin

Is it at all possible to live separately for those couple years whilst you retrain? Is your partner open to any discussion about how to work around this ?

SheWranglesRugRats · 03/10/2020 13:03

Psychology in France is a bit of a non starter, it’s an insanely overcrowded field. But you could retrain as a counselor or something similar much more easily. Lifelong learning provision is pretty good.

Original poster
CroissantMuncher · 03/10/2020 13:05

@Notimeforaname Yup 😂 I think my partner would be very open to some kind of long distance set up and I would too. The only thing is once you apply for citizenship I believe you have to sit tight, I would still have to sit around for two years waiting in france (and I could potentially be refused at the end of it...)

OP posts:
Maireas · 03/10/2020 13:05

The UK is not a "shit show, OP. It's fashionable to say so, but it compares very favourably to other liberal democracies - oh yes, even in the hallowed EU. There are pros and cons of course, but go with the best option for your future.

Wallywobbles · 03/10/2020 13:10

Retrain in France. I teach psychology students. Mix of ages. What was your original degree in. If it's sciences you wouldn't have to start again.

Have you really talked to any university?

MadCatLady71 · 03/10/2020 13:19

I live in France and alternate between loving it here, and being driven insane by the cultural differences (I’m in the south so the differences are quite pronounced). I do understand why you might feel attracted to moving back to the UK.

That said, career-wise you will have a much wider field of opportunity as a French citizen than in a post-Brexit Britain. Can you not do your training remotely online with a UK University whilst remaining in France? Loads of universities will offer online Masters courses. (A few years back I completed a degree in Psychology and Criminology with the OU - just for fun - and have been toying with the idea of a MSc.)

Do you know what type of work you want to do once you have retrained? I do know the world of psychiatry / psychology / psychoanalysis in France is very different to in the UK/US so maybe that would be another incentive for moving back to the UK ultimately...

tttigress · 03/10/2020 13:20

If you want to get the citizenship, could you not start the Phycology retraining by starting an Open University degree while in France?

RE: people saying, why not just retrain in France, a lot of people don't appreciate that a brilliant think about the UK is that people can be flexible and change directions in their careers much more easily. In some countries (probably France, but I can't say for certain), you study subject X and it is assumed you will do that for the rest of your life. I'm currently living in Switzerland, I have a B.Sc. and M.S.c in Chemistry, people are quite shocked and surprised when I tell them It decided to do something totally different after getting my degrees.

Friendsoftheearth · 03/10/2020 13:21

I also second maireas point - UK is most definitely not a shit show, it is a term bandied about without any real basis.

Is it just the job aspect or the culture, lack of things to do? We had a place in Provence, and whilst beautiful after a year or two we were just so bored. Apart from the retraining issues are there other things you like/dislike about living there? Have you friends? Support network?

As someone that lived overseas for six years, once that feeling of wanting to go home really takes hold it is extremely difficult to reverse. Coupled with the fact your training would obviously be far more straight forward in the UK, it sounds quite compelling. The feeling of just wanting to be home with family and friends can feel overwhelming.

Do you have dc?

And is there any way your dh would agree to spending the summer and christmas in France for instance and the rest of the year in the UK? Perhaps dual homes to meet both needs?