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Original poster

Child Maintenance

205 replies

lifeisntperfect · 03/10/2020 08:35

Hi there,

I am looking for a bit of advice really. I am bout to split with my boyfriend. We live together and have 2 kids, both under the age of 5.

We both work full time and we are on exactly the same salary per year (coincidence). I own the house we live in and he pays me "rent" each month. He moved in when we first got together.

We have always done everything 50/50 when it comes to the kids. We split nursery cost down the middle and buy them clothes and food etc. I pay my share and he pays his share. No problem there. This will not be a problem going forward.

My question is, if/when we split up. He will have the kids 50% of the time and I will have them 50% of the time. They will have clothes at his house and they’ll have clothes at mine. He’ll feed them when they’re with him and I’ll do the same when they’re with me. Literally 50/50.

However the government website sets that he still needs to pay me £340 per month. Why? Does anyone know? I mean don’t get me wrong I will take the cash but deep down I don’t understand why?

I will have a mortgage to pay but so will he. Gas, electric, council tax etc... and so will he. Gosh it sounds like I’m defending him but I’m not. I just need to understand why he has to pay me and I don’t have to pay him even though we’re doing everything 50/50. I am no push over and I can make sure it’s 50/50.

I will take the money if the system says so but it seems unfair?

Can someone explain to me why he still need to pay me. There was no information on the government website.

Thanks in advance 🙏🏽

OP posts:
Hwory · 03/10/2020 08:41

Is it actually 50/50 so week on week off? Or do you have one more night?

I don't know why you would take it or why you would be looking up child maintenance in the first place if your having shared care and have the same salary.

Techway · 03/10/2020 08:54

In 50/50 cases then CMS is not usual and CMS is just a guideline not law.

CMS is there to support the resident parent who usually has the full burden of costs for raising a child.

For many resident mums the CMS is supposed to cover everything which in most cases is woefully inadequate as doesn't even cover childcare costs.

If your Ex continues to pay half you are very fortunate BUT if he stopped would £340 be a realistic amount?

baileys6904 · 03/10/2020 08:54

Just because you could have something doesn't mean you have to

funnylittlefloozie · 03/10/2020 08:55

He doesnt actually have to pay you the mandated amount, if you can come to a private arrangement. You both have very good incomes, if the CMS calculator says the absolute minimum your DH would have to pay is £340. You ought to be able to sort this out between yourselves, since you sound quite amicable.

RaspberryHartleys · 03/10/2020 08:55

If its 50/50 I thought no maintenance was due?

c3pu · 03/10/2020 08:57

Are you sure you have put the figures in right? I have 50/50 shared care, week on week off. There's no maintenance to be paid in this circumstance, at least when I plugged the numbers into the CMS calculator.

Guavaf1sh · 03/10/2020 09:00

Don’t involve them - keep it 50/50. Involving them will cause needless resentment

VaggieMight · 03/10/2020 09:01

Surely half of everything is more than £340? Or are you thinking he's going to pay half towards everything and an additional £340??

Original poster
lifeisntperfect · 03/10/2020 09:49

@Hwory

Is it actually 50/50 so week on week off? Or do you have one more night?

I don't know why you would take it or why you would be looking up child maintenance in the first place if your having shared care and have the same salary.

Yeah it will be 50/50. He may have them 4 days one week and 3 days one week and I'll do the same. Due to there being 7 days a week not 8.

To be honest I was influenced by my friend who said I could get money from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
lifeisntperfect · 03/10/2020 09:54

@VaggieMight

Surely half of everything is more than £340? Or are you thinking he's going to pay half towards everything and an additional £340??
Yes I'm thinking he pays half of everything. And then on top of that he gives me extra £340.

We are both on £46,000.

The calculator says he has to pay me that amount.

OP posts:
Lalaloveyou2020 · 03/10/2020 09:56

If it's totally 50:50 and you can get money from him could he not turn around and get money from you? He might decide he wants all the "rent" he has paid into the house back and he might be awarded it in court. It was the family home. Don't be greedy.

Laaalaaaa · 03/10/2020 10:04

So on the weeks he has them 4 days you’ll be due him money going by that logic?

Needingsomeadvice2020 · 03/10/2020 10:06

Just because you are entitled to it doesn’t mean you have to take it. You are doing it 50/50 so it sounds fair to me. Despite you splitting up he sounds like a good dad, don’t take that for granted.

curiouslypacific · 03/10/2020 10:09

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-2012-scheme/child-maintenance-calculation/the-2012-child-maintenance-scheme-calculating-payments-shared-care/

If you do everything 50/50 no he doesn't owe you anything. If he massively out-earned you, it might be different as the children should have the same standard of living with both parents.

mallorytower · 03/10/2020 10:14

I don’t think this is correct. If it’s truly 50/50 then no maintenance should be due. They are probably taking into account your mortgage? Assuming it’s the family home and he’s named on it?

SoloMummy · 03/10/2020 10:24

I have known this to boil down to who applies to the cms first and is in receipt of the child benefit.

In your situation, you're in a far stronger position and it would be immoral imo for you to expect cm.

LouHotel · 03/10/2020 10:25

Your saying days, cms is based on overnight. How many nights a week will he have them?

valtandsinegar · 03/10/2020 10:26

I'd leave it, if you think everything can be done civilly it's not worth the bad blood from getting money that you really know you shouldn't. You can always apply if things go sour.

baytreelane · 03/10/2020 10:45

He's well and truly screwed over. He's been paying towards your mortgage, which has likely increased its equity over your relationship too.

He's willing to pay half of everything and step up to be a decent dad.

And he walks away with nothing, needs to find a home (or have a made an assumption there and you're going to give him half of the increases equity whilst he paid half of the mortgage?) and you and your friend have decided it would be acceptable to take an additional £340 per month from him. Confused

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 03/10/2020 10:55

To be honest I was influenced by my friend who said I could get money from him.

Ignore your friend.

You shouldn’t be due anything if you’re both earning the same and both having them 50/50. Plenty of parents work out their own arrangement based on what’s fair and reasonable, not what some website calculates.

It’s far more important for your child that the two of you have an amicable Co parenting relationship, where you both provide for them in your own homes, rather than making him pay an amount to you, casting you in the role of default parent. When it comes to buying uniform or paying for school trips etc do you want to go halves, or do you want him saying “what the hell am I paying maintenance for then?!” and digging his heels in?

BewilderedDoughnut · 03/10/2020 10:56

With a 50/50 childcare split you should be entitled to nothing. It would be absolutely immoral for you to take £340 (or anything) per month off of him!

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 03/10/2020 10:59

@LouHotel

Your saying days, cms is based on overnight. How many nights a week will he have them?
Even if they’re with him for the days and come home to sleep, it doesn’t sound fair that OP claims money from him.

My ex was the opposite - I had to collect them from school, then he’d come and get them after work - say 5.30, have them for dinner and sleep. Then drop them home in the morning before school so he could get to work. Technically having them for ‘his night’ but it meant I was still on school run duty every day and never got an actual day to myself, impacting on my earning potential.

If the OP’s ex is having them when it actually counts - ie when they’re awake - the nights aren’t really relevant, despite how the CMS calculate it.

LemonTT · 03/10/2020 10:59

The calculator would also say you owe him £340 if things are that equal.

waterSpider · 03/10/2020 11:26

The CMS calculator is really for cases where the other parent may have the children for half of the nights, but they are not doing everything else to make it genuinely 50/50.

saussaggessandmasshh · 03/10/2020 11:34

*Yes I'm thinking he pays half of everything. And then on top of that he gives me extra £340.

We are both on £46,000.

The calculator says he has to pay me that amount.*

Forgetting that the website says that, why would you think that's right and fair?

Going by that logic he could fill in the online calculator and say you need to pay him that despite you paying and doing 50% of everything Confused