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Original poster

Child Maintenance

205 replies

lifeisntperfect · 03/10/2020 08:35

Hi there,

I am looking for a bit of advice really. I am bout to split with my boyfriend. We live together and have 2 kids, both under the age of 5.

We both work full time and we are on exactly the same salary per year (coincidence). I own the house we live in and he pays me "rent" each month. He moved in when we first got together.

We have always done everything 50/50 when it comes to the kids. We split nursery cost down the middle and buy them clothes and food etc. I pay my share and he pays his share. No problem there. This will not be a problem going forward.

My question is, if/when we split up. He will have the kids 50% of the time and I will have them 50% of the time. They will have clothes at his house and they’ll have clothes at mine. He’ll feed them when they’re with him and I’ll do the same when they’re with me. Literally 50/50.

However the government website sets that he still needs to pay me £340 per month. Why? Does anyone know? I mean don’t get me wrong I will take the cash but deep down I don’t understand why?

I will have a mortgage to pay but so will he. Gas, electric, council tax etc... and so will he. Gosh it sounds like I’m defending him but I’m not. I just need to understand why he has to pay me and I don’t have to pay him even though we’re doing everything 50/50. I am no push over and I can make sure it’s 50/50.

I will take the money if the system says so but it seems unfair?

Can someone explain to me why he still need to pay me. There was no information on the government website.

Thanks in advance 🙏🏽

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 18:10

We didn't have any agreement in place. He simply moved in and started paying rent as you do, to contribute towards the mortgage I guess. His monthly standing order payment reference states "rent money"

That sounds good if he ever does change his tune and go after a claim of some sort.

But I wouldn't say you thought it was towards the mortgage to anyone ; just that he was contributing to household expenses because he was living there and that you used his money for utilities, general household expenses etc.

Perhaps you could get some legal advice from a good solicitor about this in case he ever does try it in future.

GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 18:12

4 nights some week and 3 nights some week. I'll do the same.

Will you be doing all school runs etc equally?

GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 18:13

*by sounding good I meant that his payment was labelled "rent money".

Bollss · 03/10/2020 18:15

@GilbertMarkham

4 nights some week and 3 nights some week. I'll do the same.

Will you be doing all school runs etc equally?

Presumably they will as they're having an equal amount of days. School runs don't cost anything though so not sure what the point is there!
GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 18:18

OP will have to prove that her ex knew he was paying rent ..

And I think the "rent payment" as the description on each transfer from him might be helpful there (?)

TOFO1965 · 03/10/2020 18:20

Why would you take his money? You’re 50:50, that’s fair, anything else is greed.

combatbarbie · 03/10/2020 18:24

@TOFO1965 @lifeisntperfect has already changed her mindset.... A few hours ago actually..... RTFT

GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 18:24

Presumably they will as they're having an equal amount of days. School runs don't cost anything though so not sure what the point is there!

Rtft.

A poster has described exactly how that transpired in her "50-50" arrangement.

(All put on her while he could still say he did equal overnights). That's time, stress, hassle - and inflexible working hours/overtime which he's not got.

Trumpeditnow · 03/10/2020 18:25

@GilbertMarkham

Don't worry op, people on here love to jump all over people.

I'm sorry your relationship has broken down (by him it looks like), that's very upsetting and stressful.

OP is being unfair though. Relationships breakdown and people grow apart. He hardly sounds like a bad man does he? Even if he is he’s willing to do his duty plus OP and the husband are both high earners so it’s greediness at best. Let OP read rock the boat and see how far £340 goes in childcare cost for 2 children. OPs friend doesn’t sound very good either it’s poor advice she has given her.
GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 18:25

And actually school runs could cost more fuel and car maintenance depending on the run, on top of the time.

Bollss · 03/10/2020 18:26

@GilbertMarkham

Presumably they will as they're having an equal amount of days. School runs don't cost anything though so not sure what the point is there!

Rtft.

A poster has described exactly how that transpired in her "50-50" arrangement.

(All put on her while he could still say he did equal overnights). That's time, stress, hassle - and inflexible working hours/overtime which he's not got.

Ah right so he should pay 300 odd quid for that privilege? I see.

Are you the friend by any chance?

Bollss · 03/10/2020 18:26

@GilbertMarkham

And actually school runs could cost more fuel and car maintenance depending on the run, on top of the time.
Might cost him more if he lives further away. Should op pay him maintenance in that case?
TazMac · 03/10/2020 18:28

@GilbertMarkham

Read my previous posts.

combatbarbie · 03/10/2020 18:31

FFS RTFT
OP is being unfair though. Relationships breakdown and people grow apart. He hardly sounds like a bad man does he? Even if he is he’s willing to do his duty plus OP and the husband are both high earners so it’s greediness at best. Let OP read rock the boat and see how far £340 goes in childcare cost for 2 children. OPs friend doesn’t sound very good either it’s poor advice she has given her.

The OP admitted hours ago that her thought process was wrong and now sees and feels stupid for even thinking it.... She is also now aware the ex could ask for a share of the house.

Original poster
lifeisntperfect · 03/10/2020 18:59

@combatbarbie

FFS RTFT OP is being unfair though. Relationships breakdown and people grow apart. He hardly sounds like a bad man does he? Even if he is he’s willing to do his duty plus OP and the husband are both high earners so it’s greediness at best. Let OP read rock the boat and see how far £340 goes in childcare cost for 2 children. OPs friend doesn’t sound very good either it’s poor advice she has given her.

The OP admitted hours ago that her thought process was wrong and now sees and feels stupid for even thinking it.... She is also now aware the ex could ask for a share of the house.

That's right, I have completely changed my mindset after reading so many post on here that completely contradicts my thinking. I have accepted I was wrong.

Although I have read mixed messages on here about him potentially being able to claim equity on the rent he's been paying since 2016. Is labelling the money "rent money" an absolute defence? If it did come to it, would a good lawyer not be able to argue that it's semantics? Tomato Tometo? "Rent money" or "mortgage contribution"...isn't it the same thing? I feel like I would need a better defence. Even though I really doubt he'll make a claim. He's just too proud to do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
lifeisntperfect · 03/10/2020 19:04

@GilbertMarkham

We didn't have any agreement in place. He simply moved in and started paying rent as you do, to contribute towards the mortgage I guess. His monthly standing order payment reference states "rent money"

That sounds good if he ever does change his tune and go after a claim of some sort.

But I wouldn't say you thought it was towards the mortgage to anyone ; just that he was contributing to household expenses because he was living there and that you used his money for utilities, general household expenses etc.

Perhaps you could get some legal advice from a good solicitor about this in case he ever does try it in future.

Thank you.

But...couldn't it be argued that it doesn't matter what I used the "rent money" for, as long as he thought he was making a contribution towards the mortgage?

OP posts:
Original poster
lifeisntperfect · 03/10/2020 19:13

@GilbertMarkham

And we can only guess if you did that, whether or would make him a lot less "proud" and nastier, and try to claim money from you re the house.

If you both earn the same, it seems unfair anyway. As long as you both pay equally for any costs.

Are you going to split childcare, that's a major cost.

Yes we will split childcare cost
OP posts:
TazMac · 03/10/2020 19:24

Is labelling the money "rent money" an absolute defence?

No it isn’t. I’d ignore GilbertMarkham until she/he has provided some evidence of experience and knowledge in this matter.

pincertoe · 03/10/2020 19:35

Its funny how if they were both paying rent to a third party nobody would expect any equity back but when one party is paying it to the other suddenly they are entitled to something. I think if they had shared money more, if OP had gone part time and he had financially supported her he might have a case but that doesn't seem to have happened here. Would it make a difference if she had a lodger?

TazMac · 03/10/2020 19:41

@pincertoe

He hasn’t signed any agreements to say that he understands that he hasn’t been gaining a beneficial interest in the family home. As it has been a family home since 2016.

He could go to court to say that he paid money to the OP each month as he thought he was gaining a beneficial interest in the family home and he wouldn’t have paid it if that hadn’t been his understanding.

It’s quite a complex area and dependent on many variables as to whether he would get anything at all, or how much.

OP, I wouldn’t listen to mumsnet experts, I’d get legal advice and see what you can do to protect your property, at this stage.

TazMac · 03/10/2020 19:46

Its funny how if they were both paying rent to a third party nobody would expect any equity back

Do you understand the concept of a contract?

GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 19:47

I’d ignore GilbertMarkham until she/he has provided some evidence of experience and knowledge in this matter.

You clearly missed where I advised op to get legal advice from a good solicitor ....do maybe you should try reading my posts, instead of instructing me to read yours Hmm.

TazMac · 03/10/2020 19:50

But @GilbertMarkham you asked me to answer a question that I’d already answered. You were speculating on the law and giving the OP bad advice - it doesn’t matter that the payment is labelled rent, btw.

Viviennemary · 03/10/2020 19:52

If this was the man who owned the house. And the couple had two children. Most people would be outraged that the woman was paying rent.

GilbertMarkham · 03/10/2020 19:59

Yes we will split childcare cost

That's good.

Is labelling the money "rent money" an absolute defence? If it did come to it, would a good lawyer not be able to argue that it's semantics? Tomato Tometo? "Rent money" or "mortgage contribution"...isn't it the same thing? I feel like I would need a better defence

Someone's argument earlier in the thread was that you might have to prove he saw his contribution as rent money and not as paying towards the mortgage - I just pointed out that describing it as rebt money would make that appear to be the case .. however the subject of the "beneficial interest" etc. is definitely something you'd a bit need professional experienced advice on, as I mentioned before.

I hope you're right about him being too proud to do that anyway.

I'd say posters are correct in thinking not trying to get CM when you are going 50-50 on looking after kids and earn the same should make things less likely to get bitter and "grabby".