Am I just a lazy girlfriend or is he unreasonable?

[DontBendYourAccrylicNail]

I'm actually not sure whether I'm just a lazy sod or if the problem lies with DP.

He's obsessed with things being clean. I WFH and each day I straighten the living room up (make the sofas, throws, pillows) and hoover up. I tidy the kitchen, put a wash on and put one out on the line or on the radiators. Tuesday I did a deep clean of the kitchen and ironed for two hours, I wiped all the windowsills down and did the skirting boards but it's still not good enough. I wasn't home yesterday till 10pm and was at work again today (in the office). I made a roast dinner and the floor ended up with a few drops of steamed water.

I can only buy a certain type of kitchen roll. He constantly wants a "deep clean" and I'm just fed up. I was thinking the other day how nice it would be to just not worry about tidying up before he gets home

He's just said "I don't tidy up a lot" and it's actually upset me, I feel so unappreciated and he's completely missing my points.

@ladymalfoy45

Come over to mine. I’ll make a chocolate fondue and you can drip it on the floor.

The entire population of MN who have ever dealt with someone like this twit will be over in 5,4,3,2....

I’ll bring marshmallows

And we'll all wear our shoes in the house

I thought you make the sofas was a typo not that you actually make the sofas, sorry but no point having a sofa if u darent sit on it.
My dh is a clean freak but even he wouldn't go to that extreme.

@DontBendYourAccrylicNail

We've had a huge argument and I'm sobbing.

I can't do this anymore.

Handhold for you. I'm sorry.

Maybe he doesn't mean it but my God he does sound an absolute misery to live with. You don't have to put up with this - you're allowed to relax of an evening and his standards are well past over the top.

What do you want to do?

Pick yourself up, dry your eyes,and get the hell out of there. You will be so much happier without this tyrant.

The sobbing will be sheer frustration because you're never going to be good enough. This level of scrutiny is not normal, my poor husband has to negotiate piles of my clothes in our bedroom, send your DP over, he would spontaneously combust, problem over! 😂

Come over to mine. I’ll make a chocolate fondue and you can drip it on the floor

Yep, I’ll come,and make you tea so you can slop it all over the coasters.

He is allowed to have exceptional living standards if he so chooses.... however, it’s not acceptable for him to bully and pressure you in this way.
Likewise. I don’t think you sound lazy what so ever. But even if you were, that’s okay! You’re an adult!

If he wants a deep clean he can do it himself, lazy fucking toad!

@YouUnlockedTheGateAnd

Come over to mine. I’ll make a chocolate fondue and you can drip it on the floor

Yep, I’ll come,and make you tea so you can slop it all over the coasters.

I'll bring a selection of flaky pastries, which we'll eat without using plates.

My exH was like this. It was soul destroying.

@ChampagneCommunist

And we'll all wear our shoes in the house

Can we eat biscuits without a plate??

@DontBendYourAccrylicNail I’ll pick you up and you’ll see what freedom looks like, without a controlling twat making you feel like shit. I hope you can leave ASAP

Hint : you're not. He is.

OP are you okay ?

Oh love. You sound really unhappy. Life doesn’t need to be this way for you x

Also lived with one - awful - I ended up getting up at 4:30 am to clean before work, loving Friday night at 7:30 when I could eat a sandwich and let kids eat at the table then play as he went out - seriously never, ever enough and got quite awful. There were other things that were dire, but it was all rolled into a very poor exist - 30 years on I still have sleeping with the enemy cupboards, my little control bit from then, and do leave pots about just because I can but equally then feel lazy - random I know. Get out whilst you can - the very best night’s sleep I had the night I left despite being in a shared room in a refuge with 2 small kids sharing my smallish bed - will not forget it. Be kind to yourself but don’t live like this much longer.

Oh no he has ocd but he's controlling you with it too .
Fuck that you need to relax ,my kitchen is a tip and my floor hasn't been cleaned but god I'm tired after a full day at work . I'll catch up at weekend with the housework . That's not normal behaviour and stop letting him control you tell him to get fucked . God I'd be tempted to drop crumbs all over the floor . Say the word op and I'll bring my son round who constantly makes a mess with food crumbs all over .

Are you OK OP??

I wouldn't be able to live with that

Also don't have kids with him.
No one with kids has a hotel level cleanliness of home it's just not possible and clearly nothing is good enough for him already so just don't go there

@DontBendyouraccrylicnail it sounds like things may have moved on but I was going to suggest that you watch Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts... then move out.

You are not lazy. Some people can never be pleased and enjoy the opportunity to be angry with someone. Don't be the whipping boy.

sleeping with the enemy cupboards

That gave me chills.

I know someone like this but he is my boss. He was stomping around the other week and it turned out his wife was pissed off with him, he said that he didnt know why. I colleague walked up behind me and said "I bet we can all fucking guess".

In a team of 20 only 2 are not actively job seeking, and one of those is because he would lose him home if he left, the other is the boss's best friend and we are not 100% that he wont be leaving soon too.....

At worst he's controlling.
At best, he's a pain in the arse.
Send him to live with me for a week. My lack of- cleaning habits will make him think you're Cinderella

@Smallsteps88

Sounds like he has OCD.

If you mean oldschool controlling dickheadedness then yes, I’d agree.

This.

I know people mean well when they suggest he has OCD, but it's really so much more complex than just being a neat freak. I wish people would understand that before they come out with this.

More serious note, if he does have OCD rather than just being a controlling twat then that’s something HE needs to acknowledge, that HE needs to seek help for, that HE learns how to manage for himself.

Gods bless you, you can’t do it for him. If he’s happy (for whatever reason) for this to be your ‘normal’ dynamic, please ask yourself if you are. Really.

Sorry, thread must’ve moved on since then, hope you’re ok