Am I just a lazy girlfriend or is he unreasonable?

[DontBendYourAccrylicNail]

I'm actually not sure whether I'm just a lazy sod or if the problem lies with DP.

He's obsessed with things being clean. I WFH and each day I straighten the living room up (make the sofas, throws, pillows) and hoover up. I tidy the kitchen, put a wash on and put one out on the line or on the radiators. Tuesday I did a deep clean of the kitchen and ironed for two hours, I wiped all the windowsills down and did the skirting boards but it's still not good enough. I wasn't home yesterday till 10pm and was at work again today (in the office). I made a roast dinner and the floor ended up with a few drops of steamed water.

I can only buy a certain type of kitchen roll. He constantly wants a "deep clean" and I'm just fed up. I was thinking the other day how nice it would be to just not worry about tidying up before he gets home

He's just said "I don't tidy up a lot" and it's actually upset me, I feel so unappreciated and he's completely missing my points.

[forrestgreen]

You do way more cleaning than we've ever done. His regime is fine but he can't impose it on you. I'm not sure people who have different cleaning standards ever live successfully together.

[averylongtimeago]

Seriously, is he brilliant in bed or have some other wonderful attributes that you haven't mentioned?
And if he has, are they enough to make up for him making your life a misery because of drops on the floor?

He's not going to get any better. Life's too short for all that shit. Get out now or one day you will wake up old and grey and he will still be sulking because there is a fingerprint on a saucepan.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

It’s no life for his daughter either. What sort of father is he telling her she is not allowed to eat with fingers and making her eat her biscuit in the kitchen so as to avoid crumbs. He will end up giving her emotional problems. You can’t stay with this man just because of his child. Is her mother aware of this from he towards her daughter?.

[TheBlueStocking]

Angry cleaners are hell to be around. Get rid!

[Scweltish]

Seriously op, FUCK THAT!! Your post literally just gave me anxiety. My stomachs clenching just at the thought of having to live like that. This sounds like serious ocd. What does he think will happen if there’s crumbs on the floor or a few dishes in the sink? It may seem like a daft reason to leave someone, but from the sounds of things you’re constantly on edge and can’t relax in your own home. It’s not just the fact he’s not happy unless the place is immaculate, it’s the fact he’s putting you down and criticising you when you’re clearly working your arse off, and doing more cleaning for a childless couple than most big families would do ever day. Do you actually like being with this man? Would he listen if you told him you were unhappy, this isn’t normal, and he has a problem he needs to get help for?

[Scweltish]

@averylongtimeago

Seriously, is he brilliant in bed or have some other wonderful attributes that you haven't mentioned?
And if he has, are they enough to make up for him making your life a misery because of drops on the floor?

He's not going to get any better. Life's too short for all that shit. Get out now or one day you will wake up old and grey and he will still be sulking because there is a fingerprint on a saucepan.

^^this. You only get one life. Is this how you want to spend yours?

[FippertyGibbett]

God no, get rid .

[cheeseychovolate]

I think he has an obsession about cleanliness

[Fatarseflanagan09]

My ex used to hide pieces of paper under the chairs to see if I hoovered properly, I used to write fuck off on them and put them back.

[notalwaysalondoner]

Ugghhhhh your DP sounds a nightmare! We basically do no cleaning in between our cleaner coming once a week, all we do is wash up, laundry, and load/unload dishwasher and wipe kitchen surfaces. No way all this deep cleaning and hoovering and throws...! My dad was a tiny bit more like your DP and it was horrible getting told off for dropping food etc. as though you'd done it on purpose. It was horrible to tiptoe around someone in your own home because they're obsessive. I'd leave, he needs to learn to let go and what really matters in life, but he won't change.

[ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit]

Sounds unbearable! We do have a fairly old fashioned split of work in that I do most of the house stuff and he does an equal amount of 'man's stuff' which works for us - but I'm not the most house proud. If he dared to criticise anything the way your H does he'd be out with a flea in his ear!

I don't clean anything like as much as you do - hoover every day? No way! (Except my little hand held one for the most obvious bits). And I have 2 DCs. I keep the kitchen and loos clean and the rest can get dusty or the skirtings might not be pristine, but they can wait their turn....

I genuinely couldn't live with your H. Apart from anything else he is completely rude and disrespectful, although if he really feels that strongly then I agree with PPs that you are clearly incompatible. Perhaps there is hope if he has something like OCD and might consider help? Otherwise, I would run for the hills........

[Spreadingcobwebs]

I'm terribly sorry op, I managed to miss your post about not being able to have dc . Apologies . I'm using an old tablet and it's difficult to scroll on it.

Inspecting things after you have washed them sounds just horrible. Like he sees you as his employee. Or that he is your boss.

[Mum2jenny]

Run for the hills OP, please.

[TracyMosby]

Leave him. Leave him now.

He isnt making you happy.

He is causing you stress.

[ThirstyGhost]

It made me feel on edge just reading your opening post. Of course you should be able to relax in your own home. His expectations are just completely unreasonable. I have some extremely tidy, house proud friends who wouldn't put up with his shit. I'm very untidy (you should send him round here. It'd finish him off!). But at least we're messy but happy. You don't sound happy at all OP. What are the good things about him/the relationship?

I'd say that either he acknowledges and gets help for what sounds like OCD or I'd be ending the relationship. If he doesn't think he has a problem and just has "high standards" I'd definitely end the relationship. He just sounds joyless. No one ever lay on their death bed thinking, "you know what, I wish I'd spent more time deep cleaning the f*ing kitchen".

[Scweltish]

@Fatarseflanagan09

My ex used to hide pieces of paper under the chairs to see if I hoovered properly, I used to write fuck off on them and put them back.

Omg 😆 that made me lol. I had an ex that had a go at me because he lifted up the couch sometime in summer and found a Xmas tree bauble hanger under it 😂 Yes, I hadn’t hoovered under the couch for 6 months. And no, I don’t think that’s particularly horrifying 🙄

[Maskedcrusader]

You don't sound lazy at all and he sounds like an arse. Is he really that focused in a clean house or is that just a stick to beat you with?. I don't think I could live like that, do you feel comfortable in your own home? can you relax?. How do you think it will work if you have kids, when the toys are scattered & there is food up the walls.

[HelloMissus]

This is no way to live.
Life is just too fucking short.

[Dodie66]

Sounds like he has OCD. Have you ever considered that it might be a mental health problem? If he is constantly cleaning and wanting things tidy and expecting you to do it too that sounds like an obsession. Do things have to be in a certain place or order? If things aren’t howhe wants them because of OCD he will get cross about it

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Constantly walking on egg shells is no way to live. Bin him please.

[positivelynegative]

Unless you feel that cleanliness is next to godliness and that’s what you’re trying to achieve, consider what you’re doing with your life. Beyond some order (so you can find stuff), and ensuring no one gets ill, what’s all the cleaning for?

I have family with OCD and it’s robbed them of their life.

[Smallsteps88]

Sounds like he has OCD.

If you mean oldschool controlling dickheadedness then yes, I’d agree.

[ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble]

I do a LOT less than you, because I'm lazy, I don't care and I prioritise my down time more than cleaning and shit.


I think at the point where you use the bed rather than the sofa so you don't have to tidy again or deal with him whinging is already too much. You're already actively and consciously modifying your behaviour to avoid more work for you,a bad atmosphere,him huffing and puffing.


It's the equivalent of walking on eggshells.

[Scarydinosaurs]

It just sounds as if all the fun has been sucked out of your life.

[Sally2791]

That is utter madness. Do you realise that there is a whole life of fun things to do out there? Don’t be tied down by that nonsense. Enjoy your life!!