Am I just a lazy girlfriend or is he unreasonable?

[DontBendYourAccrylicNail]

I'm actually not sure whether I'm just a lazy sod or if the problem lies with DP.

He's obsessed with things being clean. I WFH and each day I straighten the living room up (make the sofas, throws, pillows) and hoover up. I tidy the kitchen, put a wash on and put one out on the line or on the radiators. Tuesday I did a deep clean of the kitchen and ironed for two hours, I wiped all the windowsills down and did the skirting boards but it's still not good enough. I wasn't home yesterday till 10pm and was at work again today (in the office). I made a roast dinner and the floor ended up with a few drops of steamed water.

I can only buy a certain type of kitchen roll. He constantly wants a "deep clean" and I'm just fed up. I was thinking the other day how nice it would be to just not worry about tidying up before he gets home

He's just said "I don't tidy up a lot" and it's actually upset me, I feel so unappreciated and he's completely missing my points.

[gamerchick]

Tell him since he doesn't appreciate what you do do, it's all his from now on and most step back. Clear up your own mess only. Put headphones on so you can't hear him stropping.

Or get a separate house. He obviously can't cope with the anxiety of living with someone.

[TheCovidHalfStone]

That describes about a month’s worth of cleaning round here... sounds stressful. Why does he get to have it his way?

[Ragwort]

He sounds obsessive about cleaning and hygiene, I couldn't live with that. I do the minimum housework possible, I have never, ever in my life spent two hours cleaning my kitchen . You are absolutely not lazy.

What was he like before you shared a home?

[PeaPeaEeByGum]

Jesus I’m exhausted just reading that. I was patting myself on the back for sweeping the floor and unloading the dishwasher in the 30 mins I had between work and ferrying my kids about.

Imagine adding kids into the mix!

[DontBendYourAccrylicNail]

Everyone who comes into our house says how organised and tidy it is. It's very minimalistic.

I like things tidy but I'm not bothered if it's slightly out of place, I can relax and chill out but he can't. We have to tidy up straight after dinner otherwise he can't settle.

I've tried to have the conversation with him but it's going over his head and I don't explain myself very well.

He's saying because he hasn't asked me to tidy up I shouldn't be annoyed because he's the one doing it... he won't understand that it's annoying when someone is constantly cleaning and tidying!

[anotherdisaster]

He sounds a bit like my ex. I used to make sure everything was as clean and tidy as I could (despite working and looking after kids) before he came home. He would still find fault. A very clean house was always a 'shithole' to him. I binned him off eventually.

[RaisinGhost]

Oh gosh, I'm a person who likes to keep everything clean and tidy and that sounds way way over the top even to me. I couldn't live like that, it sounds really stressful.

[RhymesWithOrange]

He sounds completely miserable. Life is too short for that nonsense.

[DontBendYourAccrylicNail]

I should probably have mentioned prior he does have a DD, she's not allowed to eat with fingers and she has to eat her biscuit in the kitchen so she doesn't get crumbs anywhere.

I can't have children so I won't have that worry of adding a child into the mix. 

I used to wash the pots for him but then he would inspect each thing so I just stopped. I refuse to now.

@anotherdisaster I think I'm close to this point. It's relentless.

[Mmsnet101]

Sounds like he has proper ocd, not the kind people think is about being neat and tidy,but the real obsessive type. Does he have particular order he needs thing done in etc? Is his anxiety particularly high at the moment?

[Regularsizedrudy]

What are you getting out of the relationship at this point? It sounds joyless. Why stay?

[Doodar]

He’ll get worse, he’s making g your life a misery. LTB

[KrustyTheKat]

Oh god, this sounds exactly like my ex husband (hope it’s not him for your sake). He would moan about the place being a “shithole” and huff and puff around the house. This was despite me cleaning and tidying everyday.
He’d also do a “deep clean” regularly just to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough at cleaning. Get out now while you can!

[violetrosemummy]

Has he got OCD ?

[Fluffycloudland77]

As my dad said to dh, Get out while you can.

[Herecomesbabyno7]

OMG you'll be told to wipe his ass next. I married a man who was never satisfied and thought women should be barefoot and pregnant and chained to stove. You'll never please your man hunt, he'll find fault everywhere. he's going to slowly kill you from the inside. You are already demoralised so it can only get worse if you stay. Its very highly unlikely he'll change.

[Spreadingcobwebs]

This is about his need for control , it's not about cleaning as such.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Think very seriously before you have dc with this man.

Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with blokes in general atm. They seem to be either completely incompetent and don't "see" mess and diet, or they are so over the top about cleaning and tidying , they make everyone around them miserable. Or rather that seems to be the case for the ones written about it on Mumsnet.

My DH takes infinite care over food and cooking but otherwise wouldn't be bothered about living in total chaos; it's very wearing indeed.

[Spreadingcobwebs]

Gah ...

...for diet read dirt

and that should have been 'for the ones written about on Mumsnet'

[Babysharkdoodoodood]

What's the housing situation? Rent or mortgage?

[WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo]

This is no kind of life OP

[OhioOhioOhio]

I had one like that too. He was the most disorganised and messy ass hole ever. Not only will he break you but he's actually trying too.

[PullTheBricksDown]

Stop doing anything at all, and tell him that since nothing you do is good enough and you get huffed at regardless, you may as well not bother at all.

I would call it a day over this though. I feel sorry for his DD. Kids can't keep everything pristine and that will wreck her childhood. You have a choice though.

[TwilightSkies]

Is there any joy or happiness in the relationship?