Am I just a lazy girlfriend or is he unreasonable?

[DontBendYourAccrylicNail]

I'm actually not sure whether I'm just a lazy sod or if the problem lies with DP.

He's obsessed with things being clean. I WFH and each day I straighten the living room up (make the sofas, throws, pillows) and hoover up. I tidy the kitchen, put a wash on and put one out on the line or on the radiators. Tuesday I did a deep clean of the kitchen and ironed for two hours, I wiped all the windowsills down and did the skirting boards but it's still not good enough. I wasn't home yesterday till 10pm and was at work again today (in the office). I made a roast dinner and the floor ended up with a few drops of steamed water.

I can only buy a certain type of kitchen roll. He constantly wants a "deep clean" and I'm just fed up. I was thinking the other day how nice it would be to just not worry about tidying up before he gets home

He's just said "I don't tidy up a lot" and it's actually upset me, I feel so unappreciated and he's completely missing my points.

[AlwaysCheddar]

Whose house is it? I’d leave as he is nuts. He’s abusive. Being nice sometimes is not good as most of the time he’s nasty. His kid will soon grow to hate him, as will you. Get out, or kick him out.

[MoonJelly]

I just get annoyed when he's cleaning and tidying around me but he isn't actually asking me to help so I don't understand why it makes me feel uncomfortable?

It would make anyone feel uncomfortable. When someone's cleaning around you they're giving off vibes that you're getting in their way and you ought to be helping or doing the cleaning yourself. My mother was like this, I remember that it was always supremely uncomfortable. Even when I was in the depths of revision for important exams, she made it clear that the housework ought to come first.

[MoonJelly]

But he's fantastic in other aspects, he supports my career, he's so loyal and supportive. We laugh together and enjoy each other's company.

Any half-decent bloke support his partner's career, and it really doesn't sound like you do enjoy his company if you feel you're treading on eggshells in case he finds something out of place or he's huffing around you deep-cleaning for two hours a day. Plus the fact that you have to spend so much time cleaning and tidying doesn't really support your career, does it?

[Alabamawhirly1]

I know someone like this. It's a type of ocd.

Her partner basically said your issue you deal with it. She does the level of cleaning she wants to and just ignores him. It's seems to work for them. She is really strong and doesn't take his shit. Which has also calmed him down a bit with it. Pandering to it doesnt help.

But, it looks stressful. He doesn't like having people over. He does get grumpy and stressed when things arnt right and he's repeatedly fallen out with her family because they don't respect the house when there.

He does do all the cleaning which must be a plus. But I don't think I could put up with the stess of it all. Their house is modern minimalist as well which seems to also fit her taste.

So it can work. But I think you really have to love the person because the cleaning odc will be a constant stress in your life and it will effect lots of aspects. The ocd will probably effect potential kids as well and how they are allowed to play and whether they can have friends over.

You need to think about how you can manage his needs together and whether you can put up with him stressing over the cleaning forever. But trying to live up to his cleaning standard won't work.

[cheeseycharlie]

Confused. Are you his GF or his cleaner?

[RantyAnty]

I had a relationship with one of these and it made me a nervous wreck.

He was a passive aggressive controlling wanker. No OCD.

Would he be willing to see his GP? There are medications for this.
I have OCD but it manifests itself in a different way and after getting medication, it made a huge difference.

The main thing is that you simply can't continue on like this without serious damage to yourself mentally and physically. Nobody is worth that.

He can go to the GP and get treated and. if he has real OCD he can be helped with treatment.

If he's the angry controlling wanker, there is no help for that. There would be no point explaining to him and staying as he knows what he is doing. He just doesn't care.

[Aminuts23]

He sounds awful OP. It will be gutting to leave his DD behind if you leave this relationship but you can’t stay for her and he won’t change. I’m a bit of a neat freak but this is ridiculous. And it is aggressive. Just imagine how relaxed you’ll be in your own home. I’ve had a lazy morning, not made my bed yet, not done last nights pots yet. So what??

[CandidaAlbicans2]

But he's fantastic in other aspects, he supports my career, he's so loyal and supportive. We laugh together and enjoy each other's company. I love his DD and she adores me

@DontBendYourAccrylicNail, would staying together but living separately be an option? Surely that's the middle ground if the relationship is good apart from this issue.

[KunekuneKristmasCake]

Maybe living apart but in a relationship could work?

[MunaZaldrizoti]

Can people stop trying to medicalise him, FFS.

He is controlling and abusive. I suggest you Google "king is the castle" and read Living with the Dominator, OP.

You're living with an abuser.

[Sakurami]

My dad likes everything clean and tidy and although not as bad as your dp, it does mean that it isn't relaxing being around him.

[mrsrat]

I had to completely wash the dishes before o pit them on the dishwasher and ex would then inspect it to be sure I had loaded it correctly and then I would be ALLOWED to put it on . Sometimes he would open the machine mid cycle to check k o hadn't "cheated "!

[BitOfFun]

@MunaZaldrizoti

Can people stop trying to medicalise him, FFS.

He is controlling and abusive. I suggest you Google "king is the castle" and read Living with the Dominator, OP.

You're living with an abuser.

I completely agree, @MunaZaldrizoti.

[billy1966]

What a nasty abusive man.

He sounds so awful.

Is this really all you want from your life OP.

Get out and warn his family that his child is at risk.

[doubleaces89]

Your DP clearly has OCD (or other issues), which may not be entirely his fault. His experiences have shaped him to be the person he is.

However you're clearly not happy with the status quo (neither would I be..), but you have quite a simple choice..

[Scweltish]

How are you op?