I don't think I can wait 8 years one this.

[Tornonafriday]

I'm very career driven. DP not so much. ATM were living in the west country with next to no job opportunities for me. I'm massively underemployed and as much as try not to think about it every now and then it comes back and I hate it. I resent my partner that I won't have the career I want because he won't move as he wants to remain close to his DC.

Oh sorry I hadn't updated the thread, it's moved on.

I agree with this
I think this is more a case of regretting the decisions you have made OP.

I'm a bit the same as you, I live near my DHs job and I hate the area. I sometimes imagine the area I'd live in if I hadn't married him, but I've made my decisions and it's no one's fault but my own.

So are you currently employed?

Yes, I am employed. I'm underemployed which is the sad part. There are jobs around here but usually either NHS or CS. The former ones are a lot more common but usually want hospital experience. But I'm applying for whatever I can find that will pay better and uses my skills, it's not that hard considering I'm only ln £19k.

So you work, jobhunt outside of work hours, and do all the stuff for your child. Your partner works and does nothing for your child?

Actually I think I know what really pissed me off. He's toying with the idea of retraining (or training as he has no real qualifications) and I'm giving him my full support even telling him that I'll work OT if it needs to and that he doesn't have to worry for the lack of I come while he does.

He decided that he doesn't hate his job, so there's no real need. That he'll still think about it (but I don't think he will). So I'm showing my full support yet he makes a comment that I "misused" the childcare hours.

He looks after him when he gets home and I we the weekends when I'm working OT.

Or to finish my weekly workload, either way he does look after him when he's at home.

Well if you think that living away from your kids is so easy, why don't you move to london and leave the baby with him and visit at weekends?

Or you're happy for him to sacrifice time with his kids but not willing to do the same??

I would never in a million years want my partner or anyone to live far away from his kids and I am surprised that as a mum you can ask that of him. And if you think it is so easy, you move, leave the baby and get your dream job. Can see your baby eow or something

If the baby was older I would consider it. Plenty of fathers have similar arrangements (or live off shore) it doesn't make you any less of a parent, you're providing a better life. But that's my take and I understand not everyone has to agree with me.

Do you have a child from a past relationship? Or just his?

@Sakurami

Well if you think that living away from your kids is so easy, why don't you move to london and leave the baby with him and visit at weekends?

Or you're happy for him to sacrifice time with his kids but not willing to do the same??

I would never in a million years want my partner or anyone to live far away from his kids and I am surprised that as a mum you can ask that of him. And if you think it is so easy, you move, leave the baby and get your dream job. Can see your baby eow or something

I'm trying my best to empathise with you OP, but I can't. You knew he had kids when you married and assume you had a baby with him because is he such a good dad.

But now you want him to leave his other kids, so you can further your career? The only solution is you get your dream job and work away from home all week!

And I've come to accept it, but o think he shouldn't criticise or comment on my job hunting. Particularly if it's within what we've established as acceptable.

I would probably do the week working and weekends at ‘home’ - then with that fresh perspective, see whether you think it’s worth continuing with the relationship

We did discuss me working away when I got the job offer but he's mentioned he wouldn't do a LDR. Everything is a moot point in any case bit I think he should be more supportive in my local job hunting when it doesn't really affect him.

Well there you go. If you really think that it is ok then do that. You work away in the week in your dream job and come home at weekends. Sorted

But "Sakurami* he said that was unacceptable. In a much clearer way than moving somewhere to get a better job/career. He's willing to move 90mins away that's it. But that's not what's annoying at the moment . It is that really he has no place in criticising my time management regarding job hunting

I'd be off with my baby. This situation wouldn't work for me.

I dont understand why he diesnt support you in local job hunting. Surely that benefits him most if you find something better closer to home. Or do you think he is one of those men that likes to put their partners down and stop them from progressing in anything that would mean they would have to step up?

And don't marry him either. Who's to say you won't split up after 8 years and you still won't be anywhere with your career.

I don't know either @XiCi . I would do anything to make him live a happier life. And he doesn't have to agree but given it's a touchy subject maybe just let it be?

You don’t sound compatible.

You don’t seem to be able to communicate your needs calmly and assertively with the aim of negotiating a fair compromise where you both give a bit.

Unless you have approached it this was openly with positive constructive intent and he has stonewalled, future faked, obfuscated, gas-lit etc. If so leave this emotionally abusive RS.

It seems that you feel hard done by on your first marriage (what happened there) and you feel you are being exploited again? Not sure if there is a lot of silent contempt and resentment brewing? If so fix that quick otherwise it will consume you.

Why did his marriage fall apart.

Do you believe you are responsible for his happiness and have to make deep personal sacrifices to do so?

No I'm not responsible for his happiness although I do like this quote by Tolstoy: Remember that there is only one important time and it is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future? The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at your side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life.

Anyways that's all that triggered me otherwise I live a fairly happy life as long as I do t think what's beyond the Tamar.

I think this part is total BS. The most important person is yourself. Next your DC and then any partner ONLY of they are worth it.

The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future? The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at your side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life.

@SoupDragon

You won't have the career you want because you have chosen your DP over it.

This ^