Would this bother you? Dh very ‘transactional’

[Blueredlight]

Dd (4) is very much devoted to me, it’s normal I think at 4, and dh doesn’t do much with her or spend that much time with her.

Tonight at bedtime he said I love you and she said ‘I love you but I love mummy more.’ His response was ‘I love you but I love your brother more, which is why he will get loads of Christmas presents and you won’t get any.’
Dd then started crying and he said ‘oh and your brother will get fifteen birthdays and you won’t get one at all.’
Then he went downstairs and left me with the wailing.
I’m sure she loves him loads more now

It’s not an isolated event.
It’s not a normal response, is it?

Obviously he is a nasty bastard, so much so that I read your OP out to my wife.

I would be scared too that they would have to spend time alone with him but...

Long story short, quite abusive marriage, 2 children, I tried to leave because I belated realised that I was hiding my sexuality.
Back in the 80s lesbians often lost their children in divorce cases.
So I stayed for 5 years, threatened with having my children taken away from me.
Eventually I broke and said I couldn't go on, I would fight him tooth and nail.

We spoilt up 50/50 custody.
He lasted 6 months before he met someone else and threw them out.

I feel so guilty about putting my need to live an authentic life before them but I do not regret leaving him at all.

I have a feeling your husband will be exactly the same.
He is very damaged in some way.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

I think sometimes it just hits a nerve with parents when a child says something like that. He took it way to far though. Someone should tell her that she shouldn't say things like that though. She's old enough to know that she's hurting peoples feelings. She very likely does love you more though.

Utter bollocks. Leave the child alone and tell your dh he is a dickhead. No wonder she doesn't love him as much if he does fuck all with her. Maybe sort that out .

What a major own goal. In one transaction he's shown her:
Her brothers the golden child and the favorite.
That he's spiteful.
And she'll never forget what he said or ever trust him to do right by her.

OP you need to have some pretty serious words with the cunt you are married to. He's an adult not a 5 year old.

Wow that's nasty of him! He needs to grow the fuck up - kids say all sorts of things and feelings change in minutes! He should reply "its great you love mummy so much and we love you too, nighty night" end of.

Kids always say that sort of thing. I did. I always used to tell my mum that if she and Dad got divorced, I'd go and live with Dad. I'm sure it upset her but it doesn't mean I didn't love her. One of my cousins used to do that as well, she called my uncle Father but my auntie was 'that lady'.

@SoloMummy

Yes he took the response too far but equally she should be reprimanded for saying something which is hurtful and that other people's feelings are as important as our own. Saying that she feels hurt now like daddy does.

He however, needs to apologise for the ott element of his comment.

Please don't reprimand her. Bloody hell, she needs comfort and reassurance not fucking telling off!

He sounds awful op. I think when you are at the stage of worrying about leaving home because he might get more time with the children you have shown you don't think he's a good parent. Also the statement about his job. Wtf? How is he as a partner? Is he caring and emotionally intelligent?

This reminds me of my ex.

Of course it's hard to hear it but he's the adult and he's more likely to get the desired result if he responds with love not nastiness.

Oh so he's one of those tedious pricks that has to have everyone fawning over him all the time, and gets stroppy or completely disengages when they don't.

Hope you've put him in his place OP.

That’s sad OP. My DS (4) recently told me that he didn’t love me anymore. I think I turned the tv off. I knew he was tired, I replied that what he said made me sad and that I loved him “all the world always”. That’s how a parent should reply. Your H sounds like an immature knob. I hope you’re able to leave him soon.

Dickhead

He's a nasty nasty man and not fit to be a father. Good to hear you are planning on leaving him, he will only get worse as the children get older.

You and your children deserve better than this complete Prick!

Well the little girl certainly does .

It would bother me and did bother me. It's one of many reasons I left a 20 year marriage but it broke my heart to realize that my children would grow up believing they were only as good as their best behaviour. I haven't read the whole thread yet, but I gather from above comment you are planning to leave. You won't regret it - it's the most loving thing you can do for your kids and their present and future mental health.

Your husband has an ego problem.
Ergo your DD has a father problem.

Ergo...You have a DH problem.

You need a session with a good solicitor pronto.

He sounds narcissistic. This will only get worse. You need to get out before he does too much damage to the children.

I'm sorry OP but that was incredibly cruel of your husband. Your poor daughter! I hope you find a way to leave him and bring your kids up in an environment where they feel loved and secure.

Just imagine if tomorrow she goes into school and tells her teacher what he's said. He sound like a total prick.

He seems more childish than the 4 year old. How stupid and cruel he is.

Are you even gonna stand up for your daughter? She's 4 ffs. Or are you that weak you're just gonna let her be emotionally abused by your prick of a husband.

@Blueredlight

It bothers me - but I don’t know if it’s an overreaction. I suspect dh is a narcissist. He describes himself as the ‘fucking dog’s bollocks’ about his job.

Just read this. Yes, my ex is a total covert narcissist. He can't handle ANY rejection, even from his own small children. And everything they do is a reflection on him, in his opinion. He would go into such rages if they 'showed him up' in public eg with family/friends or in a restaurant. They were always the only ones to ever act out, according to him and his emotionally stunted black and white thinking. Not because they were tired/anxious/overstimulated, but because they were BADLY BEHAVED. ON PURPOSE.

He sounds abusive
It's so far from normal loving parenting
You and your children deserve better

Jeez what an utter twat. Poor OP and your poor kids having to live with that knob end.

Get yourself on the £10 a day thread, and start eating a bit of cash and put money aside to get out of that so called relationship.