Petty Argument Thread 2

[StupidArgument]

Previous Thread

I just wanted to post a follow on from my previous thread, as I've been getting so much advice and support. In a nutshell; DH and I had a silly argument and going through it on here has really made me realise how unhappy I am in my life. I applied for and accepted a place on a teaching course starting in a couple of weeks but I'm feeling really conflicted! I don't want to hurt DH but also can't stay.

Hello again.

Have you got all the practicalities in place for taking up your course in a couple of weeks?

I haven't really been on here in a couple of days, I've been trying to get all my loose ends tied up at work, and had some paperwork to do for my course.

I also had a viewing on a flat today - I know at first I was hesitant to just leave, but I really do wish I had somewhere I could just run away to, where he wouldn't know where I was. There's not much available at the minute though, and the rent for a tiny little flat was £110 per month more than my mortgage! So it's not an option sadly.

I also looked at student accommodation but at the University I'm going to it's notoriously bad, miles and miles from the campus and I feel like I'll be twice everyone else's age and in another town from everyone I know, so it looks like I'll just stay in the house and commute, which I'm okay with.

I'm thrilled you got on the course and think you should get out of this relationship with a few weeks to get settled before the course starts. Otherwise you'll be starting a course in the middle of a chaotic relationship break up.

I was studying whilst with a partner like yours. One day I came home and found he'd ripped up my books and notes and thrown them out of an upstairs window. Leave ASAP and enjoy your new freedom.

Hello @TorkTorkBam - yes, I'm working through everything but I'm confirmed on the course, I have more to do tying up loose ends in our business and personal life to be fair.

A room in a house share near to uni is normal I believe and very much cheaper.

If you do the course from home you will be sabotaged.

Oh no that's awful @footprintsintheslow

Ideally I would have a few weeks to get settled before the course, but the timing just isn't working like that unfortunately. All being well I'm planning to leave the Saturday before I start on the Monday so not great but I will have a few weeks before my first placement though at least.

When my colleague needed cheap local digs during the week, she took up a room as lodger with a recently divorced woman. It worked very well indeed.

Does he know about the course?

They university will have a list of people in the local area offering accommodation and lodgings. As already stated, finding someone who can offer you a room in their house could work really well if you choose the right person. For example, one of my neighbours - a widow - usually has overseas students staying with her but that has all dried up due to the pandemic. She would love a lodger. Another friend is divorced and has a lovely house. She rents a room out to people who work in the local area.

Good luck!

Didn't you say you currently have 2 properties?

Could you move into the other one and see if he asks to swap further down the line?

Best of luck with everything OP! I know there's big changes coming but it's all positive. You're bound to have doubts every once in a while, but you really need to do what's best for you!

When you have one of the properties to yourself you can get a lodger for a little extra cash. I'd be very surprised if there wasn't more mature students too.

Your messages appear a lot calmer and well written. You can do this!

Glad you're still moving forward, OP. Don't let him continue to control you and your life, it's no way to live.

Have a look at room.co.uk for an idea of house shares. Maybe a Monday to Friday let just for some space away. I've lodged away and it's worked brilliantly. Another choice.

Well done on keeping going and driving forward with your future. You've got this.

Lots of great ideas on here about lodging somewhere. I do think that being somewhere your husband doesn't know is wiser than moving into your other house.

Best of luck OP. When my first marriage broke down I had everything sorted re my animals and a place to live a couple of weeks in advance, and only told my ex the day before I moved out. This will probably sound corny but I felt liberated when I drove out of the property for the last time.

I did wobble a couple of times but everything fell into place once I committed to accommodation. I'm so glad I did leave. I'm now married to such a lovely man (it will be 16 years soon) and life is good, even in year 2020.

So glad to see you are sounding calmer & more assertive about this, you will do fabulously on this course
Really rooting for you x

@WhatTheFuckHappenedHere no he doesn't, I don't plan to tell him if I don't have to

@RandomMess yes I think that's what I'm going to do, was it you who suggested it on the other thread? I'll move into it and then I'm pretty confident he will want to swap. If not I don't really mind that much anyway.

@Disfordarkchocolate I think that's the best idea, it will help me with my bills too. I think I just got a bit scared and wanted to be able to disappear for a while, but it's more sensible to stick to my original plan

@BluebellsGreenbells I'm glad I sound it, not sure that I feel it yet!

@CiCiFreakingBabcock I bet that was an amazing feeling. How did your ex take it when you told him you were leaving? I think I'll feel much better when I have a plan firmly in place and all my arrangements made, I'm just in the process of trying to sort everything out.

I bet there will be other mature students OP. You could even find someone on your course who needs lodgings. Good luck!

Can you make sure that you take all the spare keys for the other property when you leave. That will make it much harder for him to turn up. Also get some bolts fitted on all the external doors so you can bolt them when inside and he cannot come in. He would then have to go to court to get you to give him access.

Also if he does anything in terms of hassling you (I don't think he will take you leaving laying down), keep a diary of everything and keep all emails, texts, voice messages.

When does your course start, OP? I had assumed it was next Sept, but it sounds much sooner?

Are you both WFH at the moment or do you go to premises?

Can you book some time off and spend a day moving out and then tell him?

Honestly I would get the locks changed and leave him a Dear John letter...

@StupidArgument it was an amazing feeling, you'll know what I mean when you leave! Short version is he was okay when I told him, I think because he was so surprised/shocked that I would leave him. He went to work that day, came home late, made himself scarce whilst I loaded my truck up. At the time I wasn't worried about telling him before I left. Now, however, I realise that some of the things he told me about his first marriage break up were pretty big flags as to my safety at that time; as they say, ignorance is bliss.

He did turn into a bit of an arse along the way - he hassled my friends and boss, stirred up some shit with my mother, and once our settlement was done and dusted did stop me seeing the dogs. That was super hard but I knew he would look after them well and it meant there was a clean break. We both moved on pretty quickly.

Found you! Good to see your new thread.