Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Petty Argument Thread 2

344 replies

StupidArgument · 10/09/2020 19:43

Previous Thread

I just wanted to post a follow on from my previous thread, as I've been getting so much advice and support. In a nutshell; DH and I had a silly argument and going through it on here has really made me realise how unhappy I am in my life. I applied for and accepted a place on a teaching course starting in a couple of weeks but I'm feeling really conflicted! I don't want to hurt DH but also can't stay.

OP posts:
oatmilk4breakfast · 29/09/2020 20:42

Hi OP, I re-found your thread today and came to this one. I don't know what's happened and how you're feeling or whether you can come back here safely, but I think I can see that how you were feeling when you were set on the course and leaving was a million times happier and freer than you were in your last post.

I am sorry that he has talked you out of it. He's inside your head. Knows all the 'buttons' to press to keep you doubting yourself. That's not love. That's not support. It really isn't. He wants to keep you for himself.

He's saying all the things he thinks you want to hear - 'allowing you' more free time, getting a cleaner (I very much doubt this will materialise) and fostering...That he's mentioned this suggests that children have been on your mind and you've already talked about how much joy you get from being around young children.

Now imagine him throwing a booklet at your face on purpose in front of a young child. Imagine him throwing it at the face of a child. That's what would happen. That's who he is. He's gotten his way with you all these years by telling you until you believe him that you're worth less than him.

No supportive husband checks his wife's phone and then talks her out of a course she's already enrolled on. He's not right about you. Otherwise he would rationally and objectively see that you are so committed that you did all of this on your own initiative and so clearly it means a great deal to you, and you got accepted onto the course which means that the teaching experts who teach the degree must also have see your worth. But he's not objective or rational. He wants to keep you in your box where he's got you.

He is not right. He is manipulative and cruel. I have experience of dealing with the husband of a friend who is like this so I know if he were here I would not believe him. I would believe you! I would believe in you!

I wish you could believe in you too.

I know what you mean about 'woo' and stars aligning. But that already happened. You got accepted onto the course. The universe can only point us in the right direction. Obstacles don't magically melt away. Not for anyone. For any reason.

You're tired and upset and I don't know if you're safe. But there are some super kind and wise women here... TorkTorkBam, RandomMess, Updownroundandround, Daftapath...among many others - they've all given such great advice. And we're all rooting for you.

30secondsoflove · 06/10/2020 12:49

How are things op? Think of you often and I can relate. Hope all is well Flowers

billy1966 · 06/10/2020 13:52

Also hoping you are ok.Flowers

EggyPegg · 06/10/2020 22:43

I check this thread daily, hoping you've come back. I hope you're okay x

TaraR2020 · 07/10/2020 00:13

Me too, please let us know x

Myshitisreal · 07/10/2020 00:40

I check Most days to see if you've replied.

Sending positive wishes , hoping you're safe ♥

newnameforthis123 · 07/10/2020 01:06

Another one here who checks your thread often to see if you're ok. Really hope you are Thanks

Dizzib1 · 07/10/2020 09:01

I also check here daily to see if you are ok Flowers

Toriathebadger · 07/10/2020 13:15

Me too. Wishing you well x

BookWormBitch · 07/10/2020 13:37

Another one who checks. When you’re ready, people are here to help.

Motoko · 07/10/2020 18:51

At least the seed has been planted, and even though OP wasn't ready to leave this time, she will be looking at his actions through different eyes now.

Hopefully, she'll find the strength eventually, and I hope she doesn't feel too embarrassed to come back for support, when the time comes.

Such a shame though, she got so far.

30secondsoflove · 07/10/2020 20:14

My concern is he somehow found this thread. I really hope she's okay.

PostItJoyWeek · 07/10/2020 22:12

She's a people pleaser. She will be terrified of coming back here because she will think all us people will be displeased, which to her is the worst thing ever. Whereas people here would actually be understanding. The seed is planted though.

MusicTeacherSussex · 08/10/2020 01:20

Another one here who is hoping you're okay and fears the worst. Please try and get out somehow dear even if it's not via the course.

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 08/10/2020 09:29

I think he found it. That's the kind of guy he is. Now he's managed to convince her that the only way they can 'move forward' is if she deletes her mumsnet account and never looks at it again. Because he's a vile, controlling cunt.

If there was ever any doubts about what he is we now know. He has 100% shown his hand.

billy1966 · 08/10/2020 12:47

Definitely a possibility.

He is a very nasty piece of work without any interest in the OP beyond controlling her.

Please God, some day she will find the courage to leave.

She sounded like a lovely woman, whom would have been a great teacher.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/10/2020 14:53

I think the reality is that it's hard to leave an abusive relationship. Very few people manage it first time they try. Hopefully we will see @StupidArgument in the future and just a bit stronger. I'm sure she'll get support here if she needs it.

Myshitisreal · 28/11/2020 05:28

Just thought I would say hi @stupidargument. Hope you're safe and well

whatisheupto · 20/06/2021 21:49

Hi @StupidArgument, how are you? I hope you're ok.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page