DP needs space - please help me through this

[Stealthynamechange]

i will try to be brief, DP 1 1/2 years, see each other daily, he has great relationship with my ds (knew him as friends first) we were planning to move in together.
DP has been weird since saturday, told me last night one of his friends who used to be his student messaged him to say she'd ended her relationship & has had feelings for DP for years. He says because he didnt have a err no reaction its thrown everything into doubt & he doesnt know what he wants, he wants some space to think about things & has left me in a broken hearted limbo, i feel like utter crap, hes told me everyday for however long its been now that he loves me, hes says he means it. He says he thinks hes going to tell her to back off, hes done well to tell me & apparently in the past he would have cheated.
I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. I truly believed him when he said he loves me.
I feel like crap.
Hes messaged to apologise numerous times.
He called to see if im ok this morning as i didnt reply to his messages - im not, im in heart break limbo.
Wise mumsnetters i need your help to get through this.
Thank you for reading.

Get rid of him, he should have known straight away what he wanted.
You are upset now but he will cause you more upset in the end. Cut your losses. X

Thanks everyone, really hard not to message him ... 🤦‍♀️ going to spend a nice day with ds, tomorrow will be hard as no ds , i hope this will get easier over time i saw ex everyday, i miss him already

Seek out or start a no contact thread!

Do NOT message him! It won’t help you at all and will massage his ego.

@20bloodypounds

I did really well until I said goodbye to the dog ahhh remember this... You know that a dog can be trusting, honest, faithful. It can turn its sad eyes on you. But then eagerly scamper off to paw at someone who is temporarily offering a tastier treat.

That behaviour is OK, and forgivable for a dog. But not for a human.

Excellent post!

You saw him everyday, but he still wasn't a faithful hound - he still had to scamper off to someone else, tail a wagging.

I agree with another pp, he expected you to do the pick me dance, so he'd have two females fawning over him.

@Stealthynamechange

Thanks everyone, really hard not to message him ... 🤦‍♀️ going to spend a nice day with ds, tomorrow will be hard as no ds , i hope this will get easier over time i saw ex everyday, i miss him already

Is there anything you can do to take your mind off him? Breaking up is awful in the beginning but it will get better. And you will meet someone else; someone better.

I found these, separate years so the second one is not the original.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3053751-30-days-no-contact-Thread-no-2

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3370759-30-Days-No-Contact

It will get harder before it gets easier.

It will be very hard not to message him right now because this is all so fresh but give it a couple of weeks and it will become easier.

Remember that going NC is for your benefit so this is something you are doing to look after yourself and you will soon start to reap rewards if you stand firm now. Every time you contact him, you re-set the clock on your recovery and you don't want to do that. Hang on to the thought that your future self will thank you.

In the meantime, distract yourself as much as you can but also allow yourself to feel the pain and grieve some of the time also. Letting yourself feel it will also help you through it. Keep @Wheelyyyy's beautiful words in mind.

And plan some treats for yourself so that you have something to look forward to - even if it's just a particular box set or a lovely bath and a glass of wine through to something like a spa weekend etc.

Classic that he brought the dog: totally unecessary!

Yes. Bringing the dog is textbook manipulation. As I suggested, consider doing FP again online. It will be another distraction as well.

@fatgirlslimmer thank you for the links

God its been a hard day, ive deleted his number, made me feel sick, i sent it to my friend just incase i do actually need to contact him.

It hurts so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[quote Stealthynamechange]@fatgirlslimmer thank you for the links

God its been a hard day, ive deleted his number, made me feel sick, i sent it to my friend just incase i do actually need to contact him.

It hurts so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭[/quote]
Op
5 weeks

And he’s been proved to be a twat.

Come on. Buck up.

You must be in love with an idea not the reality. It being this hard is you dropping the fantasy I think. You may find it easier if you work on separating the fantasy man from the real man. The fantasy tells you what you need, what you want. That is not lost, you just haven't met someone who meets the criteria.

I recall you from a previous thread you started. 3 weeks ago.

Saying you and your partner were trying to conceive and that you were doing DTD without protection.

So 2 weeks after meeting this guy you were trying to conceive. Great, just great.

Err no its was an 18 month relationship, we didnt start to ttc straight away & hes been my friend for a long time.

*I recall you from a previous thread you started. 3 weeks ago.

Saying you and your partner were trying to conceive and that you were doing DTD without protection.

So 2 weeks after meeting this guy you were trying to conceive. Great, just great.*

@Decentsalnotime this OK has been in her relationship for 18 months - are you muddling threads?

@Decentsalnotime where are you getting 5 weeks from? Have you got anything constructive to add, if not just keep scrolling on by.

So sorry!! Wrong thread

i do think the commitment scared him

Please don't think he is a poor wounded boy in a mans body. That is how men mess women around

So he expects you to just wait there till he decides who he likes best. What a bastard you need to see this for what it is and dump him. Save him the bother of choosing. That is so cruel

@Decentsalnotime no worries

Thanks, we have split up, im now nursing my heartache. Ive started a no contact thread to try to keep me strong. 😭😭 & cried, alot...

So sorry OP,

For what it's worth, I think it's the right call from your posts. Short term pain but long term you don't need that grief x

Thank you
Just found out through the miracles of modern tech that hes with her tonight ... what a complete dickhead.
Im angry now which makes it much easier

@Stealthynamechange

Thank you Just found out through the miracles of modern tech that hes with her tonight ... what a complete dickhead. Im angry now which makes it much easier

OMG what an arsehole!!!

How did you find that out?

I'm so sorry that must be heartbreaking.