DP needs space - please help me through this

[Stealthynamechange]

i will try to be brief, DP 1 1/2 years, see each other daily, he has great relationship with my ds (knew him as friends first) we were planning to move in together.
DP has been weird since saturday, told me last night one of his friends who used to be his student messaged him to say she'd ended her relationship & has had feelings for DP for years. He says because he didnt have a err no reaction its thrown everything into doubt & he doesnt know what he wants, he wants some space to think about things & has left me in a broken hearted limbo, i feel like utter crap, hes told me everyday for however long its been now that he loves me, hes says he means it. He says he thinks hes going to tell her to back off, hes done well to tell me & apparently in the past he would have cheated.
I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. I truly believed him when he said he loves me.
I feel like crap.
Hes messaged to apologise numerous times.
He called to see if im ok this morning as i didnt reply to his messages - im not, im in heart break limbo.
Wise mumsnetters i need your help to get through this.
Thank you for reading.

[TwentyViginti]

New habits and routines definitely help to move you on after something like this. Have you thought of little ways to make your home all cosy for Autumn/Winter? New candles, cushions, look up some healthy comfort food recipes? New scarf, gloves. Even small new things can help the mind move on.

I think the new Autumn TV schedules are starting - is there a new series you could get into?

New books or a subscription to a magazine to look forward to?

[Stealthynamechange]

thanks everyone, night times are definitely the worst. I need to make new habits & routines. Covid is not helping 🤦‍♀️

[BlueThistles]

how are you Stralthynamechange 🌺

[Onthedunes]

Hope your ok OP
Night times can be the hardest

Is there anything you can plan, a day trip, a meet up.

I always found doing something up in the house ( a project) to be helpful to take my mind off things then trying to relax with crime dramas at night.

Sending hugs

[MsDogLady]

You’ve had a great loss and it’s still early days in your grieving process.

Behind his smile was deception. For no telling how long, this snake in the grass had an agenda to pair up with the OW. He then engineered your break-up in the most manipulative and hurtful manner.

As you move through the stages of grief, you will go from strength to strength. It is so hard now, but you and DS are going to be fine.

[LockdownLoopy]

@Stealthynamechange

I know im better than this but i miss that fuckwit tonight 😭😭😭 i dont want to be alone.

Loneliness is the worst feeling. I can bet you’re remembering the good things about him right now, don’t do it! Remind yourself about all his bad things.

[Stealthynamechange]

Ooh thats a good idea ... not in the mood for soppy romance

[WiserOlder]

Oh no! It is so hard at first. Watch a good CRIME film

[Stealthynamechange]

I know im better than this but i miss that fuckwit tonight 😭😭😭 i dont want to be alone.

[WiserOlder]

@Somethingkindaoooo

i do think the commitment scared him

Please don't think he is a poor wounded boy in a mans body. That is how men mess women around

These men who are scared of committment, they always love using a woman as a girlfriend though

[WiserOlder]

@AryaStarkWolf

But low esteem is not a permanent state of being. You build esteem by action.

I love that, so true

Yes, self efficacy feeds back in your self esteem.
I was also in an abusive relationship years ago and after it i had a few mcrelationships with fickboys fooling me they were good men. That is so hard to walk away from when you have been trained not to have your own perspective

[BlueThistles]

OP has ended the relationship, he is with the other woman now.

OP glad your friend did this for you. 🌺

Your Son loves you to the moon and back, there is no greater unconditional love 💕

[WiserOlder]

Good work OP

[WiserOlder]

Cheek of him telling you he wants to see where it goes with this woman but he isnt properly breaking it off. He is honestly telling you "touch wood i can shag her and if it doesnt work out, ill come back to you".

Cos lets face it, when he says he meeds space, he means "shag".

What a dickhead. Dont let him treat you like a fallback girl. You decide he is not loyal enough. He has his eye too easily turned. He doesnt value what you had.

That is shabby behavior from a shabby man. Xx

[Happynow001]

@Stealthynamechange

hes a grade A fuckwit who doesnot deserve to be in my or my sons lives.
Hear! Hear! 🌹

[Stealthynamechange]

Thanks All, I'm not going to message her.
My friend has messaged him to bring my things back which hes doing whilst im out with ds.
All done ... now to move forwards! It's really scary but hes a grade A fuckwit who doesnot deserve to be in my or my sons lives.

[Sunflower1970]

Don’t message the other lady. You have more dignity than that You’ve dodged a bullet. She will be in the same situation in the future so good luck to her!!!x!

[Sunflower1970]

Sorry - hard as it is you need to end it. He shouldn’t need any space if he truly loves you and wants to be with you. He wouldn’t even be thinking about this woman and would have blocked her!!! You are putting off the inevitable I’m afraid. Hard as it is you need to take control.

[Clymene]

Do you really need the stuff back? Let your friend deal. DO NOT CONTACT his new squeeze.

Hang on in there - you're doing really well

[Palavah]

Please dont message her. No good will come of it for you.

my friend is going to contact him if he doesnt show up this weekend
Why put your plans on hold any longer - ask your friend if she will sort it anyway. Dont hang around for him - get out and enjoy the weather while you can.

[blanchmange50]

I think your looking for reasons to get in touch. Please do not contact this girl- you would look like a crazy ex

[BlueThistles]

She would relish you contacting her, like she's won some sort of prize Goose.
Please OP, close the door on them both and vent on here instead.
They will be more united with every contact you make.
They will enjoy your pain finding common ground in their contempt for you, so don't feed the beast. Let them get on with each other, they will find out who each other truly is, pretty quickly. Remember also, she has literally left an ex, so he will still be in the sidelines too and the truth of their separating will unfold. You OP can close this painful door. 🌺

[Suzyseis]

No, please don’t message her. I know how hard it is but you will regret it. I’m following your other thread as I am 9 days into no contact and still hurting. Very different circumstances, but it’s so so hard isn’t it.

[MsPavlichenko]

No point in messaging her. She either won't believe you or won't care.

And it means you are letting him/what he is doing fuck wth your head again. You need to break that habit! You are doing really well. KOKO.

[Stealthynamechange]

Its probably crazy ex territory - i'll not ..