DP needs space - please help me through this

[Stealthynamechange]

i will try to be brief, DP 1 1/2 years, see each other daily, he has great relationship with my ds (knew him as friends first) we were planning to move in together.
DP has been weird since saturday, told me last night one of his friends who used to be his student messaged him to say she'd ended her relationship & has had feelings for DP for years. He says because he didnt have a err no reaction its thrown everything into doubt & he doesnt know what he wants, he wants some space to think about things & has left me in a broken hearted limbo, i feel like utter crap, hes told me everyday for however long its been now that he loves me, hes says he means it. He says he thinks hes going to tell her to back off, hes done well to tell me & apparently in the past he would have cheated.
I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. I truly believed him when he said he loves me.
I feel like crap.
Hes messaged to apologise numerous times.
He called to see if im ok this morning as i didnt reply to his messages - im not, im in heart break limbo.
Wise mumsnetters i need your help to get through this.
Thank you for reading.

[Dery]

@Stealthynamechange - so great to read your update.

After @Clymene's comment, I also looked at some of your past threads. She and you are absolutely right - in fact, he sounded like a selfish piece of work who was happy to do all the receiving while you did all the giving, in bed and otherwise. Btw: I don't think that was to do with a lack of physical attraction to you - you mentioned that he is very good looking and unfortunately I think there is a certain kind of good looking man who learns he can get away with offering a lot less because his physical attractiveness means he can always find partners - temporarily of course because over time no amount of good looks will make up for serious personality defects and failing to treat someone decently and considerately. I'm sure in time you'd have decided you needed more than just a lazy, selfish but good-looking man in your life.

Anyway, you sound great and like you're really getting on top of things - it's been an intense voyage of discovery by the look of it but all that learning will be so useful for you going forward.

Hope your landlord lets you get a dog!

[NataliaOsipova]

@FortunesFave

Because you have a child, you have to dump this bastard now. He'll do it again and your child does not need to be in an insecure family.

I must admit, this was my thought. Tell him to do one, OP. He’s behaving like a self indulgent teen and is showing neither you nor your son any respect. People who love you - no matter how flattered they are By the attentions of another - don’t treat you like this.

[NataliaOsipova]

Aaagh. Just realised there was an extra page I hadn’t read as my page hadn’t refreshed. Apologies.

So sorry, OP. But you’ll come through this and be stronger. Hold on to that.

[BlueThistles]

I do hope you are able to get a dog OP, wonderful loyal companions. 🌺

[ForeverRedSkinhead]

I'm also pleased to read your update op.

You might not feel like it , but you're doing fantastically well. Recovering from a bad relationship (your exh) can be very much two steps forward , then one back. Let's just call Mr Ineedspace your last mistake before you start really believing that you deserve better.

Good luck with the dog , I'm sure you'll give one a loving home.

[Dozer]

Would pause for a good while on getting a dog (and even mentioning it to DD): not sensible to do so at a time of upset. Huge commitment, especially when you’d be solely responsible.

[Stealthynamechange]

Thanks everyone, im waiting to hear about the dog. I had 2 with my exh & my exp had one who was like ours & i saw daily, i've had dogs for years (over 18 years now). I know the commitment & am keeping everything crossed i can have one, the bring so much joy into my life.

[Stealthynamechange]

@ForeverRedSkinhead yes mr ineedspace will definitely be my last mistake!

[Stealthynamechange]

@Dery I think you have hit the nail one the head, good looking but selfish 🤦‍♀️

[tornadoalley]

apparently in the past he would have cheated

This says it all to me.
You were good enough until something a bit more exciting came along.

Block him out of your life. He's just not worth the effort.

[Suzi888]

Glad you have kicked him to the curb. He sounds an utter shit of a man.
Hope you manage to get a dog, good luck OP xx

[Inaseagull]

Little Miss 'feelings' will be ditching him soon when she finds out he is shit in bed. Hopefully your dog will see him off when he comes crawling back.

[Stealthynamechange]

ive now deleted everything, pictures, chats his number. Just waiting for him to bring the rest of my stuff back 🙄 my friend is going to contact him if he doesnt show up this weekend.

[Stealthynamechange]

Im really struggling tonight, not sure why. I know im better off without him, im glad i deleted his number i would have messaged by now. I need to get used to being alone 😢😢

[TorkTorkBam]

He was a habit. You were in the habit of constantly thinking about him. Habits are hard to break. Usually easier if you replace them. Got any hobbies, education or such like you can throw your mind into?

[Stealthynamechange]

You are right, it will get easier he was a nasty habit. Going to do lots of yoga & have an early night.

[Stealthynamechange]

What are peoples thoughts on messaging the new lady to warn her? Crazy ex behaviour or reasonable?

[Stealthynamechange]

Its probably crazy ex territory - i'll not ..

[MsPavlichenko]

No point in messaging her. She either won't believe you or won't care.

And it means you are letting him/what he is doing fuck wth your head again. You need to break that habit! You are doing really well. KOKO.

[Suzyseis]

No, please don’t message her. I know how hard it is but you will regret it. I’m following your other thread as I am 9 days into no contact and still hurting. Very different circumstances, but it’s so so hard isn’t it.

[BlueThistles]

She would relish you contacting her, like she's won some sort of prize Goose.
Please OP, close the door on them both and vent on here instead.
They will be more united with every contact you make.
They will enjoy your pain finding common ground in their contempt for you, so don't feed the beast. Let them get on with each other, they will find out who each other truly is, pretty quickly. Remember also, she has literally left an ex, so he will still be in the sidelines too and the truth of their separating will unfold. You OP can close this painful door. 🌺

[blanchmange50]

I think your looking for reasons to get in touch. Please do not contact this girl- you would look like a crazy ex

[Palavah]

Please dont message her. No good will come of it for you.

my friend is going to contact him if he doesnt show up this weekend
Why put your plans on hold any longer - ask your friend if she will sort it anyway. Dont hang around for him - get out and enjoy the weather while you can.

[Clymene]

Do you really need the stuff back? Let your friend deal. DO NOT CONTACT his new squeeze.

Hang on in there - you're doing really well

[Sunflower1970]

Sorry - hard as it is you need to end it. He shouldn’t need any space if he truly loves you and wants to be with you. He wouldn’t even be thinking about this woman and would have blocked her!!! You are putting off the inevitable I’m afraid. Hard as it is you need to take control.