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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I wish I could punch you.

419 replies

FunorFitness · 07/09/2020 07:33

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

OP posts:
Original poster
FunorFitness · 07/09/2020 07:35

Oh just to add we don't live together so when I told him to leave, I told him to go home.

OP posts:
Eekay · 07/09/2020 07:37

Trust your instincts

KatherineJaneway · 07/09/2020 07:37

I wouldn't accept that behaviour from a partner.

Original poster
FunorFitness · 07/09/2020 07:38

Oh and not that it actually matters but they swapped from a 7 colour system to a 3 colour system on 2019 so he wanted to punch despite being wrong.

He couldn't just back down and admit he was wrong he was that mad over something so pathetic.

OP posts:
normalmumandwife · 07/09/2020 07:38

Tell him not to come back as well...what an utter twat

TwentyViginti · 07/09/2020 07:40

You were right to get him to leave. A threat of physical violence towards you - regardless of the reason - is not on.

Him standing up to say that is frightening.

LatteLover12 · 07/09/2020 07:41

You did the right thing in getting him to leave.

Now don't let him back.

How bad does your temper need to be that you want to punch someone over the colours of tyres in F1?! Hmm

Original poster
FunorFitness · 07/09/2020 07:42

I feel so stupid ending a relationship over tyres but it was his reaction, he was so mad and going all red faced and blustery, totally out of all proportion to the subject.

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 07/09/2020 07:42

Trust your instincts. Don't have him back. You can do so much better than him .

TwentyViginti · 07/09/2020 07:43

He couldn't just back down and admit he was wrong he was that mad over something so pathetic

Huuuuuuuge red flag.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 07/09/2020 07:43

I mean that’s a petty argument and it got heated and horrible, imagine if you were arguing over something important? I wouldn’t be happy with how this went.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 07/09/2020 07:44

It doesn’t sound as if he was threatening physical violence- it sounds more like a throwaway comment, along the lines of “you make me want to scream sometimes”. Obviously though I’m only judging from your description- you are the only one who can tell as you were there and we weren’t.

But, and it’s a big but..,,

Even if my interpretation is correct, that’s still an extremely nasty comment to make, and over such a petty subject too. He sounds like a condescending bully who has no respect for your opinion and doesn’t like you contradicting him. I would genuinely tell him to fuck right off for good. You’re better than being spoken to like that FlowersFlowers

BingoGo · 07/09/2020 07:45

My ex said the exact same thing to me and I promptly ended things. I suggest you do the same.

Don't be with this kind of person. I'm sure he has his good sides, my ex did too but certain things are unforgivable and your DP telling you he wants to punch you, for some petty reason, not even you having an affair, is unforgivable.
Leave the bastard

TwentyViginti · 07/09/2020 07:45

@FunorFitness

I feel so stupid ending a relationship over tyres but it was his reaction, he was so mad and going all red faced and blustery, totally out of all proportion to the subject.
You haven't ended it over tyres though. You've ended it because he's a short tempered bullying manchild who threatens women.
Beamur · 07/09/2020 07:45

You're not ending the relationship over tyres.
You're ending it because he threatened you after a petty argument got out of hand.
Imagine if you had a disagreement again, or disagree over something more important. He is a potentially violent man with a temper. You are well rid.

PicsInRed · 07/09/2020 07:46

You would have been unreasonable to let him stay.

You would be unreasonable to continue seeing him.

TwentyViginti · 07/09/2020 07:48

It doesn’t sound as if he was threatening physical violence- it sounds more like a throwaway comment,

He stood up to say it. That is threatening.

FelicityPike · 07/09/2020 07:50

You need to end this! He wanted to punch you (not a throwaway comment btw) over F1 tyres?! Nah.

Khadernawazkhan · 07/09/2020 07:54

What a pathetic man-child. Utterly devoid of self control or any sense of proportion as welll as being an aggressive tool as well. Be very careful in what you choose to do next. And please keep us updated.

Original poster
FunorFitness · 07/09/2020 08:00

You are all echoing my thoughts, mainly of this is how he reacts over something so stupid, how would he react over something serious. I don't think I want to find out.

OP posts:
AbulaConundrum · 07/09/2020 08:01

How long have you been with him? Personally I would walk away from this relationship, he has anger management issues (although I bet he wouldn't say "I wish I could punch you" to his boss, or a client, so he manages his anger just fine with other people). The tyre thing is irrelevant - you questioned his perceived authority on a subject and then showed him up with the Monaco hasn't happened comment, compounding his indignation. If making veiled threats is how he handles any challenges to his fragile ego he's not worth the wasted energy.

Original poster
FunorFitness · 07/09/2020 08:04

We've been together 18 months, known each other 4 years but he lived away and only moved home 18 months ago. We are very much on and off due to his tantrums.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 07/09/2020 08:06

We are very much on and off due to his tantrums

Keep it off for good.

curiouslypacific · 07/09/2020 08:08

That would be a dealbreaker for me. Threats of physical violence are not acceptable. I'll also never again overlook temper tantrums over ridiculous things early in a relationship - they were the first red flag that my ex was abusive and I wish to God I'd walked away then.

You aren't leaving over tyres, you're binning him because he blew a simple discussion out of all proportion and threatened you. He showed himself to be poor partner material and you're making the choice to protect yourself.

Sootikinstew · 07/09/2020 08:11

Dump him permanently op. Just be prepared for him to 'love bomb' you as a response after initially spouting more abuse of course.

Don't let him wheedle his way back in.

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