I wish I could punch you.

[FunorFitness]

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

TOTAL dealbreaker, on top of the on and off due to his tantrums. He could kill you with one punch. Anyone who said that to me would be gone. Please, please get rid of him. This time for good. And stop dating, just stop until you've done some serious work on your self-esteem and boundaries because you should have been off for good the first time he had one of these tantrums.

You should never put up with adults like this.

You're underreacting and that needs to be sorted out before you start dating again.

Better to make this decision now rather than a smashed nose and fractured cheekbone later. Yes, it's that serious. Angry people can be very dangerous, and the situation can escalate in a flash, as you just witnessed.

@Sootikinstew

Dump him permanently op. Just be prepared for him to 'love bomb' you as a response after initially spouting more abuse of course.

Don't let him wheedle his way back in.

That's what always happens. We row, he calls me all the vile names and blocks me everywhere, then a few days later tells me how I am his soulmate, we love each other and and he will never gone up on me.

So I relent because whatever we towed about was never very significant.

He has never expressed a wish to hurt me before though.

The whole thing is just toxic.

He's dangerous. You need to get rid of him because he's dangerous. He's stepping it up. He's also a mansplaining cock.

It sounds like you are seeing the light here.
This relationship is not healthy.

That's what always happens

Sootikinstew recognised the type of man he is. An abusive manchild. They run to a script and the outcome is predictable. This should have ended a long time ago, but better late than never.

Sounds like he's one of them that think they know better than everyone else all the time, and he's got het up because he doesn't like that you're challenging him.

My ex was like this, it got much worse. I'd seriously think about the future of your relationship, in the mean time don't see him.

I agree with everyone else. Threatening to punch you is the final straw but the way he reacts to you disagreeing with him is a major issue. Very childish way to react if you don't agree with someone, especially such a minor thing. The mature response would be 'ok, let's agree to disagree' and then move on.
Sounds like this is toxic relationship and I think you know it.

I’d end it for that

I think you know what you need to do OP. Please stay strong when he begins the love bombing. It's true all these abusive men have the same script. It's called the cycle of abuse, look it up, you'll recognise it. The cycle can get longer or shorter. They also ramp up the love bombing as they can see you waiver and regain control dont let him do that. Block him on everything.

He sounds exhausting.

His reactions were OTT and disproportionate but is par for the course for such a man who does not like to be challenged in any way by a woman. Such men like this one hate women, ALL of them.

Its of no surprise you've been on and off; you need to get off this merry go around of on and off permanently. You've been in a nice/nasty cycle with this man and that is a continuous one. Such a man will mess with and continue to mess with your boundaries.

Calling this his "tantrums" though does undermine what he is doing here; this is verbal abuse from him and his actions here are about power and control. He wants absolute over you.

Love your own self for a change.

I would also urge you to enrol onto the Freedom Programme by Womens Aid before embarking on another relationship. Your boundaries, perhaps already weakened by past poor experiences of men, have been further lowered by this individual.

He sounds like my ex fil. Always telling my mil what she had seen/ not seen etc.

I have blocked him everywhere, usually he blocks me and then just unblocked me when he has finished sulking but this time I have taken the initiative.

I think I have always felt like I owed him something, he wanted to be with me for years and I made us stay friends as he lived so far away. Then he said he was coming home and I agreed to give us a try.

Now he says he moved across the country and gave up everything for me. But he said he was coming home anyway or I never would have agreed. I feel like it's unfair to put that on me because he deceived me to start with.

After reading your update I’d end things with him.

These type of men unfortunately do escalate their behaviour. The analogy of the boiling frog is really good for understanding how someone can chip away at our acceptable boundaries until they're behaving in a way that you just wouldn't accept if it was there at the start of a relationship.

You're right to follow your instincts. Block him yourself and keep him blocked. You'll get the usual "but I love you and we're soulmates" love bombing speeches, but you just need to ignore those. If he follows the script he'll then get angry at being ignored, and re-inforce why you ended things to start with.

You don't owe him anything at all. Anything. He's an adult who made his own choices. Just nope out of there. Do not engage with him at all. NO talks or chats or meeting up. He shows up at your house, you tell him to leave, that it's over (through the door). If he doesn't go, call teh police. He threatened you with violence, you can't take that seriously enough.

Aggressive twat

The frog thing is actually really good. It's very true, I wouldn't have accepted it right at the start but it's like oh it's just DP that's what he is like, so I am second guessing myself.

He will say he didn't threaten me and it's true he didn't but the way he said what he did say actually frightened me.

Sounds like it is time to walk away. Your updates about his tantrums are just more reasons why you shouldn't put up with his behvaiour.
Red flags everywhere!

It doesn't matter if the argument was about cheese. What it was about is irrelevant. His behaviour is the only thing that matters.

Let's look at the facts;
He calls you vile names, has no respect for your opinions and systematically loses his temper and "punishes" you by blocking you and not speaking to you for days, he is aggressive, he also manipulates you using emotional blackmail (I gave everything up for you..blah blah)

Big warning siren : He is abusive. He is abusing you.

You don't have to justify why you want to leave this relationship to him. You can leave for any reason you want.

I think I never really saw him as abusive, he doesn't hit me, he doesn't stop me going out, doesn't control what I wear or spy on me with a hidden camera.

I just thought he is a bit moody and insecure.

I wish I could punch you sometimes to you may not seem like a threat but to him it's a desire which if I were you, I wouldn't hang about for.

It's also not ok to be moody with you though, or call you vile names or block you everywhere like a teenager every time you row.

This will get worse and more exhausting. I notice you has already changed your behaviour to deal with his potential reaction when discussing the colours. That's because of his 'moods', you're already primed to be pacifying and quiet yourself in case of his reaction.

Get out, stay out.