I wish I could punch you.

[FunorFitness]

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

The ego of him, imagining a marriage to him would be a carrot.
🙄

Yea right.

He wanted to punch you.
Great idea to get married.

He doesn't know you at all.
He has no idea who you are.

He is so utterly consumed by himself, his needs, his expectations and his entitlement, that your whole existence is to facilitate him.

He most certainly does NOT love you.

I want to punch you are not the words of ANYONE who is in love.

Be glad you are resolute OP.

He's an appalling male role model for your son.

Imagine hearing your son telling his partner "I want to punch you".....

I actually think 'I should have married you' is more like him thinking aloud about how he should have put stronger shackles on you.

You've told him before you dont want to get married so he isn't saying it to entice you back (well, it tbf might be partly that, considering it seems he never listens to what you want) he is saying it in the same way someone would say 'I should have chained the dog up in the backyard better so it didn't break free and jump the fence'. A lamentation to himself.

Paraphrasing Oprah Winfrey from years ago but it stuck in my mind:

'If someone threatens to hit you, the problem is not that they don't love you, they don't even like you.'

He doesn't even like you, OP. That is a problem.

He doesn't love you. He knows he's unlikely to find someone else who'll put up with him and his tantrums and repeat blocking, so he wants you back - in your former compliant mode.

Oh ffs just give him marching orders. On and off because of his tantrums, just aim higher OP.

@TorkTorkBam I will keep that in mind, I couldn't cope without exercise so the last thing I want is an injury!

I think it has helped actually. It just shows he is saying the same old things, it's the same old pattern to him and the analogy of chaining the dog up has hit home perfectly. Well I am no longer cute restrainable spaniel, I am a snarling rottweiler, strong and fierce but still cute to look at

I have had a couple of withheld number calls over the last few weeks but I usually don't answer them. its only because I was waiting for pizza that I did last night. Pizza which by the way I managed to resist. Willpower of steel over here!

What I do now is to take stretch and yoga type classes as extras. They still have that mindfulness benefit of forcing you to be in the moment.

Bloody hell resisting pizza, now that's the real challenge. If you can do that you can do anything 😁

I always worry I will do a big trump in yoga, or fall on my face!

Exactly! It wasn't just pizza though, 2 pizzas, chicken strippers, garlic bread and COOKIES!! Gooey hot dominoes COOKIES!!! I had to lock myself in the bathroom have a long relaxing bath whilke they ate.

You WILL fart and fall in yoga. Everybody does. It is not a problem.

Do you remember first working out in a gym and being terrified everybody would be looking at your fat bits, sweat, puffy red face and pathetic weights/pace? Did anyone care? No. Everyone was in the same boat. Same with yoga.

Ahhh I didn't realise it was practically The Done Thing

I am feeling it on my chest tonight after so many pushups and then chest press. I am going to give yoga some serious consideration.

I have 2 weeks left of group PT and 4 left of bootcamp so that frees up some of my time table!

Oh dear. No, this is not acceptable. If the words can come out of his mouth, the thought is in his head. Plus, this was a really silly argument for him to get so defensive and aggressive about.

You need to have a very serious conversation with him about this comment.

Well I am no longer cute restrainable spaniel, I am a snarling rottweiler, strong and fierce but still cute to look at

don't forget your great sense of humour!

@JaffaCake70 That boat has not just sailed already ages ago, it sped off across the ocean super steam-powered if you had at least bothered to read the OP's updates...

@cannotfigureitout

Well I am no longer cute restrainable spaniel, I am a snarling rottweiler, strong and fierce but still cute to look at

don't forget your great sense of humour!

Thanks, I always think you've got to laugh or you'll cry and no one wants to be sad!

Stay strong OP!

How are things going FunorFitness?
Hope you're ok

I personally would definitely take that as a serious red flag & end it.

Seems harsh and I know its easter said than done, however.. you don't live together so I would end it now before things get even more serious (moving in etc)

I've known many who witness these red flags but push them aside and then move in together, buy a house, have children and come to realise they should of acted on the incident before they had so much to lose.

No one should be with a person that verbally says they wish to hurt you.

I hope you find strength to do what you need to do. Follow your gut, which is why you wrote on here in the first place. X

What the hell are chicken strippers?

Do they cluck about and pluck their own feathers in an erotic fashion?

I did a noisy little parp in yoga once. Right as the instructor was helping me into an awkward pose. I wasn’t good for much after that.