Dps relationship with my son has ruined our family

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My ds is from a previous relationship (his dad is an arsehole and not really around). He’s almost 10 and really has an attitude can be really rude and has to be told multiple times before he does something. (Doesn’t anyone’s kids?!). My dp just hates him basically. Doesn’t make any effort to have a real relationship with him anymore cos he just thinks he’s a horrible rude little boy. To me it feels like he purposely says things to escalate an argument and setting him up for failure. I know how difficult ds is and I’m not blind to it I do discipline him. But dp will just say stuff to him he knows is going to end in an argument. Really don’t know what to do
We have our dd together who has just turned 2 and also baby number 3 on the way so I’m completely heart broken but I really don’t see how we can continue as a family when they can’t even spend a full day together without coming to blows and my dp flying off the handles and just storming out the house.

It's not complicated. He was accepting of your DS until his own biological child arrived. Now he's the cuckoo in the next as far as the DP is concerned. He's gross. Your son needs his mum and you're being a good mum sorting this out because he can't help the grown up circumstances he's exposed to and DP has proved he's not a good stepdad, nor does he intend to be. Fundamentally he doesn't love your son. So sad :(

@Gilda152

It's not complicated. He was accepting of your DS until his own biological child arrived. Now he's the cuckoo in the next as far as the DP is concerned. He's gross. Your son needs his mum and you're being a good mum sorting this out because he can't help the grown up circumstances he's exposed to and DP has proved he's not a good stepdad, nor does he intend to be. Fundamentally he doesn't love your son. So sad :(

This happens in the animal kingdom .... I remember a wildlife documentary about lions, the male lion approaches a female who already has cubs by a different male lion, in order to 'get on her good side' he plays with the cubs, she warms to him and consents to mate with him. Once she is successfully impregnated by his seed he kills and eats her cubs by another male. It's all about dominance, capture and conquer the females, crush the males so they never grow strong enough to challenge him

Yes its absolutely one of the uncivilised animal behaviours to turn on the offspring of previous partners. We think we are all evolved but the biggest risk to any child statistically is a male partner of their mother

Or in my case the (psychotic, now ex) female partner of DD'S dad. Some steparents can and do turn very quickly when biological children come along.

I think that your family may benefit from family therapy. Your local children’s hub, Early Help Hub should be able to help.
Your son is developing. His brain is changing and his behaviour becomes more challenging. Your partner does not understand this.
With Family Group Therapy you maybe able to keep your family together. Good luck

So the man hates your ds
And you decided to have a kid with him and he still continued being an asshole. And then you opted foe baby no 3.

Sounds like you made your bed and now have to suffer the consequences.

Poor poor ds... that you made the choices you made 😭

Have you actually read the OPs posts @Yeahnahmum or do you just prefer constructing your own version of events?

And completely devastated because if he weren’t so immature and bad tempered this wouldn’t be happening

But you can't change him.

Each pathway feels a hard prospect at the moment. But only one gives you the chance of happy children. And harmony between you and them. Choose that way. You'll get there.

@myrtleWilson

Have you actually read the OPs posts *@Yeahnahmum* or do you just prefer constructing your own version of events?

Perfectly put! I DO wish people would read all the OP's posts before putting the boot in with quite so much ignorant glee.