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Original poster

DH says we’re too old for oral sex!

282 replies

OldGirl72 · 06/09/2020 12:02

I’ve re registered here after years of not being on MN to get opinions on this as can’t talk to anyone in RL.

DH recently decreed that we were too old (51 and 48) for oral sex and that he only wanted to have missionary position sex from now on. He thinks ‘dirty’ sex is for the young uns and feels weird about doing it nowHmm. I always known he didn’t really like doing it to me but he was good at it and seemed to enjoy it when he got going. It never made him aroused though. He definitely enjoyed me doing it to him and I’ve got quite good at it over the last few years.

Obviously I’m pretty upset about this as sex is pretty pointless for me without an orgasm (only get them through oral really) and I’m thinking that this is grounds for divorce!

Is this normal at his age? Any opinions?

Cant post in the sex forum as just joined. Apologies for any offence caused at a sensitive topic.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 06/09/2020 12:07

Tough one, depends how much it means to you I guess.
You say he never really enjoyed doing it, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone doing anything that they didn’t want to.
Have you told him how you feel about it?

TwentyViginti · 06/09/2020 12:07

Blimey! my last sexual relationship was last year - I must be filthy! I'm 65.

Nothing was out of bounds due to age. He was 53.

XiCi · 06/09/2020 12:08

So hes basically saying you're never going to have an orgasm with him again? I think that's unbelievably selfish. I prefer oral to anything else sexually so dont think I could get past that. And in answer to your question no, it's not a normal age thing. We're just as adventurous now as we were when we were younger (52 and 49) and this seems to go for my friends too. Have you told him you're not happy with this OP?

Tappering · 06/09/2020 12:10

At the risk of a silly question, have you spoken to him about this?

If you haven't, then that needs to be your first port of call really.

foreverandalways · 06/09/2020 12:11

I am 48 and my hubby is 52...been together for 32 years and our sex life gets better as each year passes by....hubby has an extremely high sex drive....you are never too old for anything....you should talk to him and tell him how you feel

Lockdownseperation · 06/09/2020 12:12

I’m 37. I can’t imagine this being my future.

His use of the word dirty is worrying. Has he even asked you how you feel about this or thought about his pleasure or is it all about him?

Original poster
OldGirl72 · 06/09/2020 12:18

Thanks. We have talked and all I can get of him is that it feels ‘weird’ and he’d prefer to just have normal sex from now on. Our sex life has actually become much more frequent this year so I don’t understand it at all.

He is basically consigning me to not having orgasms, yes. I can occasionally get one from being on top but he will often finish before I get a chance.

I’ve never forced him to do it to me of course and he’s never said before that he didn’t like it but I knew from his reluctance and making excuses that he didn’t. It bothered me a lot but I certainly wasn’t going to turn him down when he did it!

OP posts:
WALKING2 · 06/09/2020 12:18

Wow he has decided what you are to do now. If it is important to you and he makes the decision for you how do you feel about that?

He sounds odd. How is oral not dirty then hit a certain age and suddenly dirty. Dirty is a strange word to use, has something happened to him recently?

I love sex and personally think if both you you enjoy then whatever floats the boat.

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/09/2020 12:20

Jeez, is he for real?! No way on the planet my partner or I would ‘give up’ any kind of sex we like doing (and we are both older than you .. are we filthy, and growing old disgracefully... god, I hope so!) Seriously, you need to talk together - if this is the way things are going, I would seriously consider ditching this (clearly selfish) man.

EspressoX10 · 06/09/2020 12:22

I think age is a red herring here.

He never enjoyed it and is using that as an excuse.

I'd feel very uncomfortable knowing DH was doing something he didn't particularly enjoy.

I think you need to chat and find something that you can both enjoy. There's a whole world of things between missionary position and oral sex.

amillionwishes · 06/09/2020 12:23

What does he mean by "normal" sex?

I'm early 40s, I couldn't imagine DP suddenly turning round in a few years and saying that's it, missionary sex and nothing else from now on. I would actually have to reconsider the relationship if he refused counselling or anything to try and get past his sudden "issues".

Windmillwhirl · 06/09/2020 12:27

I'm 47, he's 50. I'd not be happy with missionary-only sex. This would be a deal breaker for me.

Quackersandcheese3 · 06/09/2020 12:30

I’m sure if you spoke to him you guys could come to some sort of a compromise?

Or stick to what he’s suggested and see how quickly he gets bored of it . Haha

IJustWantSomeBees · 06/09/2020 12:31

Unnaceptable to decree that you wont be orgamsing from now on and defintely grounds for divorce if he doesn't stop being so selfish

Couchbettato · 06/09/2020 12:32

I couldn't live with that.

To spin in back on him, if age really is an issue, you're not getting any younger and frankly if it were me I wouldn't invest any more years in a relationship when it's been expressly clear that I wouldn't get any sexual pleasure from it.

I'd be seeking a different relationship.

42daystogo · 06/09/2020 12:32

Tell him you agree and think, in actual fact, at your age all sex is too dirty for you, id like to see what he thinks when you start making major decisions about your relationship without his input 🙈

MulticolourMophead · 06/09/2020 12:34

I'm 53, left my ex after 30 years, and I'm thinking about dating next year. No way would I rule out oral sex, or just sticking to missionary. I want filthy hot sex.

So there has to be more to this, and I'd suggest counselling. The word dirty is interesting, and it's worth finding out what's behind this.

TheWindowDonkey · 06/09/2020 12:34

Could you sit him down and ask him if its because he doesn’t like it and if so which aspect? Bad sex is, and was for me, a marriage breaker if you cant communicate honestly on it and fixit together to both parties satisfaction. Im having wilder sex now with new partner than at any other time In my life, and its only now that im realising how much i missed good sex and how much i resent the decades I went without it.

YouJustDoYou · 06/09/2020 12:34

He means, a woman your age is too old for him for OS. If you were 20, he wouldn't be saying the same.thing. Guaranteed.

Dollyrocket · 06/09/2020 12:37

I agree with PP the age thing is a red herring and he’s using it to get out of giving oral. How very sad for you and utterly selfish of him.

So he’s decided you don’t warrant any sexual pleasure and can just lay back whilst he pumps to his climax for the rest of your lives? Confused What a guy..!

RainingAllTheTime65 · 06/09/2020 12:40

Did he actually call oral sex "dirty sex"? Is there anything else bring curbed or has your sex life been mainly oral and missionary?

I wouldn't be happy with this either, not for the reasons he's giving. He is telling you that you are too old to receive oral sex? Fuck that.

Excuse the language.

greengreengrass14 · 06/09/2020 12:42

Just a thought, but is he in any shape of form depressed, or feeling just physically under par (as many of us are in pandemic/lockdowns

I like sex but dont' have the energy for it with everything else going on.

Think it's great that others are going for it, maybe I will come into my own in my sixties...

EspressoX10 · 06/09/2020 12:43

I don't think he's being selfish.

Selfish would be to decree that he wanted to receive oral sex, but not give.

He doesn't want to do it. No one should be forced to, manipulated or guilted into doing a sex act they don't enjoy.

I'd have a seriously big problem with DH if he told me that he could only climax thorough anal sex and I was being selfish by not agreeing to do it, even though I didn't enjoy it.

I do think he needs to understand that you can't orgasm during missionary position and must be willing to solve the issue some other way.

ElspethFlashman · 06/09/2020 12:45

OK, so I really disagree with the prevailing view on here that if a man doesn't want to give oral that he's a selfish fucker.

Lots of men don't like it. Lots of women don't like it. Lots of people put up with doing something they dislike sexually. That's not a good thing!

He has decided to stop doing something he has always disliked. The OP has a choice how to react. Either dump him, or accept it and have conversations about how else she can orgasm in that relationship.

But I really feel uncomfortable with the narrative that a man isn't even worthy of being in a relationship with if he doesn't like doing it.

M0mmzee · 06/09/2020 12:46

Age is just an excuse for something. He maybe just doesn’t enjoy giving oral sex. Age has nothing to do with it. My DH and me are in our late 60’s and oral sex features every time.