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Original poster

DH says we’re too old for oral sex!

282 replies

OldGirl72 · 06/09/2020 12:02

I’ve re registered here after years of not being on MN to get opinions on this as can’t talk to anyone in RL.

DH recently decreed that we were too old (51 and 48) for oral sex and that he only wanted to have missionary position sex from now on. He thinks ‘dirty’ sex is for the young uns and feels weird about doing it nowHmm. I always known he didn’t really like doing it to me but he was good at it and seemed to enjoy it when he got going. It never made him aroused though. He definitely enjoyed me doing it to him and I’ve got quite good at it over the last few years.

Obviously I’m pretty upset about this as sex is pretty pointless for me without an orgasm (only get them through oral really) and I’m thinking that this is grounds for divorce!

Is this normal at his age? Any opinions?

Cant post in the sex forum as just joined. Apologies for any offence caused at a sensitive topic.

OP posts:
midlifenewspring · 06/09/2020 15:31

I really hate vibrators and they do nothing for me!

Sex by yourself does not have to involve vibrators! I rarely use them, and much, much prefer to use my fingers and have much better orgasms when I do. Your husband could use his fingers on you too!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/09/2020 15:35

It sounds as if you have real communication issues. Can you not tell him how to pleasure you (or you pleasure yourself while he is penetrating you)? Life is far too short to accept 'no orgasms' as the only option.

It's 50/50. And you need to talk to him.

Arealnumber · 06/09/2020 15:37

Sounds like he's gone religious on you the way he's talking about it. Yikes!

ChickenwingChickenwing · 06/09/2020 15:45

all I can get of him is that it feels ‘weird’ and he’d prefer to just have normal sex from now on. Our sex life has actually become much more frequent this year so I don’t understand it at all.

Could there be someone else on his radar? It's quite common for men embarking on affairs to increase sex with their existing partner. The dropping of the oral could be that his mind is elsewhere and he is in just using you to satisfy an urge.

MadCattery · 06/09/2020 16:02

DH and I are both 60 and we are definitely not too old! I would feel weird without oral stepping it up!

Staffy1 · 06/09/2020 16:02

I agree with him as I think oral sex is disgusting, but always have, nothing to do with age.

Looneytune253 · 06/09/2020 16:16

Ask him what he suggests? It may just be that he's getting lazy and he thinks that if you both decide to just go for missionary from now on then it's a quick cpl of minute job and done. Maybe it's worth broaching how he's gonna get you off before or after sex as it won't be happening during a cpl of mins of sex? If he realises he's still gonna have to put some effort in he might prefer the status quo?

jessstan2 · 06/09/2020 16:39

@Helmetbymidnight

Sorry I don't understand, why is he being dishonest by saying he does not want to do OS anymore ?

he has said they wont be doing oral sex anymore because they are too old for anything but 'normal' sex.

in what world is that a commendable display of honesty?

I think he is making excuses. There's nothing 'abnormal' about oral sex but it is a fact that some people don't like it; they might do it to please their partner but that can wear a bit thin after a while.

I don't know what the op can do, it's obviously important to her but there are other ways of giving and receiving pleasure.

Bence69 · 06/09/2020 16:39

@Staffy1

I agree with him as I think oral sex is disgusting, but always have, nothing to do with age.
What is disgusting about it ?
Pringlemonster · 06/09/2020 16:58

Selfish bastard
And very controlling of him

FippertyGibbett · 06/09/2020 17:16

If he doesn’t want to that’s ok.
I stopped when I learned that you can get throat cancer from giving oral due to HPV. If my DH complained I’d pack his bag and tell him to go find it elsewhere.

Isitsixoclockalready · 06/09/2020 17:58

@FippertyGibbett

If he doesn’t want to that’s ok. I stopped when I learned that you can get throat cancer from giving oral due to HPV. If my DH complained I’d pack his bag and tell him to go find it elsewhere.
Yes, it is true that it is her husband's right not to do anything that he doesn't feel comfortable with although her husband has not apparently cited health reasons as being the concern. Conversely, we only get one go around at life so if the OP doesn't feel like she is going to get a satisfactory sex life and that is a red line for her then obviously it's something that she is going to have to give some serious thought to. Really, it's all about compromise: if one partner is being very restrictive and saying: "this is all I'm prepared to do" that's not right. If they are saying: "I'm not comfortable with so and so position but let's talk about what we can do to ensure that we are both satisfied" then that's different.
BubblyBarbara · 06/09/2020 18:07

If it’s that sudden maybe he could be being trying to avoid offence by giving another reason he suddenly doesn’t like it? For example, taste, smell, or even something on his end.. maybe he feels he has a hygiene issue or a lump or anything

WALKING2 · 06/09/2020 18:11

Wow imagine putting up with such a poor lover for years. A few thrusts and he is done. He treats you like a mere hole to offload in, not a loving partner.

Each to their own but I couldn't live with someone that selfish and only considerate of their wants and needs.

Closetbeanmuncher · 06/09/2020 18:14

Buy yourself a mains powered magic wand and tell him he can stick his 'clean' two pump missionary up his arse!

NoMoreDickheads · 06/09/2020 18:20

I personally find a Magic Wand vibrator is much better than others, but I haven't tried the Womanizer, which a lot of women like. It is worth experimenting with different types of toy, as there are loads nowadays. If you experiment with different speed settings on toys too it can help. I like the speed on the Magic Wand turned all the way down.

PussGirl · 06/09/2020 18:26

I'm 55, DP is 67. We have had a lot of very rude sex since we got together in 2018.

He doesn't particularly like giving oral, after a particularly nasty experience in his youth with a large unexpected blood clot at the very end of his former wife's period. I've been trying to convince him that something like that is just not going to happen with menopausal me and if it did I've probably got endometrial cancer and recently he has overcome his worries to some degree.

Having said that, if he never gave me oral it wouldn't be a huge loss to me as he does everything else, and does it very well. My pleasure is his main concern & if I cause him to cum sooner than he would like he considers himself selfish Grin

Age ought to be no barrier to sexual fun.

NoMoreDickheads · 06/09/2020 18:29

I personally find a Magic Wand vibrator is much better than others, but I haven't tried the Womanizer, which a lot of women like. It is worth experimenting with different types of toy, as there are loads nowadays. If you experiment with different speed settings on toys too it can help. I like the speed on the Magic Wand turned all the way down.

PussGirl · 06/09/2020 18:30

Also, OP, regarding whether you are smelly now you are older, according to DP, young women are a lot smellier!

RandomMess · 06/09/2020 18:47

I would just tell him sex is off the table altogether then...

Honestly I'm not sure if I could stay? We don't have sex very often at all (house full of teens) but if DH told me he was never going to bother giving me an orgasm ever again 😳

Angrymum22 · 06/09/2020 18:49

I am reliably informed that not many women are truly ‘dirty’ in bed. It’s most men’s dream to have a ‘dirty’ lover, but obviously not every man’s dream. I do suspect it’s down to how they were conditioned in formative years. Most grow out of their inhibitions (mothering) but some don’t. I love sex and have few inhibitions, DH and I are rediscovering our adventurous side now DC is aware that we need a bit of privacy (and why we need it).
I’m sure it’s only modern living that has made us such prudes, it’s only a few generations since families stopped sleeping in a single room (in most families) and judging by the size of many families it didn’t stop them having sex.
OP you need to have a gentle discussion and see why he’s no longer interested. I remember DH being horrified that the over 60s still had sex when Viagra was first on the market, he was only in his early 30s at the time. I recently reminded him of his naivety and he admitted that it was the thought that his parents still dtd that shocked him. Fortunately he’s over that!
DH does like a clean and tidying working area when it comes to oral sex which I can fully understand. I am happy to comply since I get to benefit.

pointythings · 06/09/2020 18:50

Have you actually told him what you need for you to climax and does he just not care? You need to be honest with him and tell him that if oral is off the table, he needs to find some other way to satisfy you, because 3 seconds of intercourse isn't going to do it.

If he isn't prepared to consider your sexual needs, your relationship is basically over.

Helmetbymidnight · 06/09/2020 19:16

Also, OP, regarding whether you are smelly now you are older, according to DP, young women are a lot smellier!

unnecessary, untrue and misogynistic.

PussGirl · 06/09/2020 19:21

Helmet - I actually agree with him - I notice I'm less strong-smelling, especially after sex, than I was in my youth

I don't see why that is misogynistic - it's just an observation

Helmetbymidnight · 06/09/2020 19:40

you know smelly is a perjorative term- for some reason you feel its important to go out your way to tell young women that their fannies are smelly. an absolutely curious thing to do on a predominantly womens website - if you cant see the misogyny in your insult then i cant help you.

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