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Original poster

DH says we’re too old for oral sex!

282 replies

OldGirl72 · 06/09/2020 12:02

I’ve re registered here after years of not being on MN to get opinions on this as can’t talk to anyone in RL.

DH recently decreed that we were too old (51 and 48) for oral sex and that he only wanted to have missionary position sex from now on. He thinks ‘dirty’ sex is for the young uns and feels weird about doing it nowHmm. I always known he didn’t really like doing it to me but he was good at it and seemed to enjoy it when he got going. It never made him aroused though. He definitely enjoyed me doing it to him and I’ve got quite good at it over the last few years.

Obviously I’m pretty upset about this as sex is pretty pointless for me without an orgasm (only get them through oral really) and I’m thinking that this is grounds for divorce!

Is this normal at his age? Any opinions?

Cant post in the sex forum as just joined. Apologies for any offence caused at a sensitive topic.

OP posts:
DopamineHits · 06/09/2020 13:12

No, he shouldn't have to do anything he doesn't want to - but no-one would ever say a man should stick around in a relationship where his partner won't do the one thing that gives him an orgasm, and same standard needs to apply for women. He sounds very selfish. Tell him "perhaps we're too old for any kind of sex" and see what his reaction is.

Or just leave and find someone nice...

WellThisWentWell · 06/09/2020 13:14

”OK, so I really disagree with the prevailing view on here that if a man doesn't want to give oral that he's a selfish fucker.

Lots of men don't like it. Lots of women don't like it. Lots of people put up with doing something they dislike sexually. That's not a good thing!

But I really feel uncomfortable with the narrative that a man isn't even worthy of being in a relationship with if he doesn't like doing it.”

This is a very great post.
And i’ll just add women also in the last sentence.

DopamineHits · 06/09/2020 13:14

I'm shocked people seem to think it's not on...it;s his body ffs!

Because there are two bodies in the equation and only one of them is being asked to live without orgasms for the rest of their life.

LadyH846 · 06/09/2020 13:16

To be honest I would feel pretty rejected if partner decided he didn't want to do oral sex. I've slept with a few men who didn't go near me down there, unless it's to have penetrative sex. I'd prefer to find someone who liked doing it.

TableFlowerss · 06/09/2020 13:16

I think the use of words he chose is not on. It’s not dirty to enjoy/receive/give oral sex. So it’s pathetic of him to say it is. Plenty of people, regardless of age, partake in it and often it’s the only way for a woman to orgasm.

However, if he doesn’t enjoy it then that’s a different story.

I think pp are right, in that if the tables were reversed and it was a man complaining a woman wouldn’t give him blow jobs (because she doesn’t enjoy it) and he called her selfish, he would get a lot of stick. This is no different.

No one should be shamed/forced in to doing rings they don’t want to, in order to please their partner.

You could try a vibrator OP, so you will still get to orgasm.

TableFlowerss · 06/09/2020 13:19

@DopamineHits

I'm shocked people seem to think it's not on...it;s his body ffs!

Because there are two bodies in the equation and only one of them is being asked to live without orgasms for the rest of their life.

She can still have a orgasm, she just needs to get a vibrator. He could still do offer stuff to her whilst she used the vibrator or he could do it for her
bitheby · 06/09/2020 13:21

Two issues really - oral sex and your orgasm.

He should want to give you pleasure and if he doesn't like giving oral sex then he should be prepared to work with you to find another way for you to orgasm. He doesn't have to do something he doesn't want to but sex needs to be pleasurable to both partners.

If he's not prepared to do this then I would question how committed he is to meeting your needs, which might be a wider issue.

ShitStain · 06/09/2020 13:22

No blow jobs for him then.....if he asks why say you’re both too old for dirty things.

RainingAllTheTime65 · 06/09/2020 13:24

I think he's selfish because he's dictated that it won't continue because it's dirty and because they are getting older. If he was more direct and honest and said I just don't like giving it.... I think the responses would be very different tbh.

Also, it should be a discussion along the lines of, "this is something I don't like doing, what can we do in our sex life that makes both of us happy?...." He hasn't done that at all.

Imagine you love pizza, and your partner is the only one that can make you pizza. He decides one day that he doesn't want to make it anymore because he doesn't like it. He's banned it from your life. Without discussions or compromise. You don't even get to say.... Alright I'll have cheese on toast instead. He's already decided the menu forever.

dottiedodah · 06/09/2020 13:24

So you have both been happy with the OS up to now.He has suddenly "decided" he doesnt like it any more .You will need to talk through it and even though this may be uncomfortable does he even realise what it means for you as in no more orgasms?.Difficult to see where he is coming from really .Have any life changing events happened recently ,maybe he has lost a parent/close friend ,or is there a possibility of becoming DGP ?Only asking as something seems to have sparked the feeling that you are getting too "old" to enjoy some sexual fun together!

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 06/09/2020 13:24

But I really feel uncomfortable with the narrative that a man isn't even worthy of being in a relationship with if he doesn't like doing it.”

I don't think anyone's said that. Just that it can be a dealbreaker for some. So if they're with someone who doesn't like it, they're free to leave to find someone who does.

Tappering · 06/09/2020 13:25

Nobody should do what they don't want to do in bed. If her H doesn't like giving oral then fair enough. But it also includes the OP having missionary sex which doesn't satisfy her.

Is your H aware that this is the only way you climax? If so, does he expect you to meekly put up with regular yet unsatisfying sex because that's what he wants?

It's fine for him to day he doesn't want to do something anymore, but he needs to be having a conversation with you about how you are both going to have a mutually satisfying sex life. If he's not willing to work with you then that leaves you sexually as - putting it bluntly - a functional hole and nothing else.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 06/09/2020 13:26

She can still have a orgasm, she just needs to get a vibrator. He could still do offer stuff to her whilst she used the vibrator or he could do it for her

Or she can choose to leave the relationship and find someone whose sexual tastes are similar to hers.

Helmetbymidnight · 06/09/2020 13:27

you said his honesty was to be welcolmed but hes not being honest at all.
hes actually being incredibly dishonest.

Opaljewel · 06/09/2020 13:29

Would a vibrator be a compromise? If he won't even do that then next!

thedancingbear · 06/09/2020 13:30

This place is unbelievable sometimes.

Just imagine a woman came on here and said her husband had threatened to leave if she didn't give him blow jobs.

If he doesn't want to do it, that's his choice. Bodily autonomy only applies to women, it seems.

BarbedBloom · 06/09/2020 13:31

I don't think anyone should do things they don't want to but he has approached this in a weird way to be honest. I couldn't live with vanilla only missionary sex at any age to be honest, it would just bore me to death.

I would also be concerned that he is setting sex as only happening in the very specific way that he wants it to. I don’t like the missionary position, it does nothing for me so this would be the end of my sex life.

Also very strange that he is now calling all the alternatives dirty

Friendsoftheearth · 06/09/2020 13:33

Sorry I don't understand, why is he being dishonest by saying he does not want to do OS anymore ?

Maybe he was dishonest by doing it as a long as he has, but maybe that is because he wanted to continue to please her? Op on some level knew that too, and she did not raise it herself or stop him/discuss at length.

Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 06/09/2020 13:36

Just imagine a woman came on here and said her husband had threatened to leave if she didn't give him blow jobs.

If he doesn't want to do it, that's his choice. Bodily autonomy only applies to women, it seems.

It's happened, plenty of times. In all cases the woman is told to let him leave and find someone who shares her sexual tastes and that everyone is allowed to have whatever boundaries and dealbreakers they like, but not to stay with someone with whom you are incompatible.

User6579 · 06/09/2020 13:39

I think for me, the issue of the OP being told that she is too old to review oral sex would be an important issue. He can decide it for himself, that he's too old to give or receive it, but he has effectively told the OP she is too old to receive it (you absolutely aren't btw). That's not his place to say, or judge that. He's turned it into something unsavoury almost. It would have been far more honest if he just said " I don't want to do it, it's not for me". How many people have said to the partners here, no more oral sex because we are too old?

bibbitybobbitycats · 06/09/2020 13:40

@thedancingbear

This place is unbelievable sometimes.

Just imagine a woman came on here and said her husband had threatened to leave if she didn't give him blow jobs.

If he doesn't want to do it, that's his choice. Bodily autonomy only applies to women, it seems.

I agree with this. He has the right to decide what he does and doesn't want to do during sex.

OP I think you need to talk to him gently about this, find out what is going on. Maybe his libido is a bit flat. Maybe he's depressed.

Bence69 · 06/09/2020 13:42

@nosswith

Why is the OPs DH denying himself one of the greatest pleasures a man can have? Speaking as a man.
This 👍🏻 I have no idea how some woman have never had an orgasm with a partner or on their own. It’s one of my favourite things to do on my own
Nanny0gg · 06/09/2020 13:43

@ShitStain

No blow jobs for him then.....if he asks why say you’re both too old for dirty things.
He's not expecting them either.

I think op, you both have to find something else that works for you.

Resisterance · 06/09/2020 13:44

Oral sex is 'normal' sex!

Is there a chance that your taste/ smell has changed 'down there' and he can't find a way to say that? Menopause and eating habits can make a huge difference.. not necessarily bad tasting, just different. My ex tasted really weird if he'd been eating garlic and I found BJ less pleasant then.

BillywilliamV · 06/09/2020 13:45

Buy a vibrator!

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