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Original poster

DH says we’re too old for oral sex!

282 replies

OldGirl72 · 06/09/2020 12:02

I’ve re registered here after years of not being on MN to get opinions on this as can’t talk to anyone in RL.

DH recently decreed that we were too old (51 and 48) for oral sex and that he only wanted to have missionary position sex from now on. He thinks ‘dirty’ sex is for the young uns and feels weird about doing it nowHmm. I always known he didn’t really like doing it to me but he was good at it and seemed to enjoy it when he got going. It never made him aroused though. He definitely enjoyed me doing it to him and I’ve got quite good at it over the last few years.

Obviously I’m pretty upset about this as sex is pretty pointless for me without an orgasm (only get them through oral really) and I’m thinking that this is grounds for divorce!

Is this normal at his age? Any opinions?

Cant post in the sex forum as just joined. Apologies for any offence caused at a sensitive topic.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 06/09/2020 14:29

Is he making any other effort for you? He doesn't have to do things he hates, obviously, but should be trying to make you happy in some way, if he can.

ravenmum · 06/09/2020 14:31

And he should not be fobbing you off with crappy non-explanations or obvious nonsense about it being normal - how can you have a meaningful relationship if he isn't honest?

LouisBalfour · 06/09/2020 14:32

You're only 48. Are you happy to have unsatisfying vanilla sex for the next few decades? And the fact he calls something as normal as oral 'dirty'? He sounds weird and dull.

LadyH846 · 06/09/2020 14:34

@OldGirl72

Thanks for all the replies.

I had thought about taste/smell going ‘off’ with age Grin but I haven’t noticed anything, not that I’ve tasted it myself! I drink a lot of water as I’m naturally sporty and eat lots of fruit and veg, and am always showered/bathed before bed and keep myself well groomed down there.

He’s always suffered from PE and preferred quick sex with little in terms of foreplay and it literally takes seconds. I’ve put up with that as normally we’d have a second round where he lasted longer but the last few years, we haven’t had much privacy with teens being up late and he couldn’t be bothered a lot of the time, so oral was the only way I’d get any satisfaction. He would be quite happy with morning ‘spooning’ sex with little touching, just in and 2/3 thrusts later, out and that does feel like I’m just a hole. He prefers mornings as he feels less tired and he always wakes up with a hard on so why not use it. Any action at night where there’s a bit of foreplay involved only happens twice a month if that. It’s very frustrating for me.

We have talked and talked but he just says ‘that’s how I feel’. Nothing has happened in his life to explain it. No depression that I’m aware of or can sense.

It seems like a massive overreaction and very selfish to divorce over shit sex though, especially at our age! We’ve been together 25 years, have 5 DC (youngest is 9). Not sure I could do that to themSad.

I really hate vibrators and they do nothing for me!

He sounds like a terrible lover.
IntermittentParps · 06/09/2020 14:35

I'm Hmm at what he thinks is 'normal sex' and what isn't (and why it'd be so bad to have 'not-normal sex'). The age thing is clearly a load of shite; he's just making excuses. If he said outright that he didn't much like giving you oral then at least he'd be being honest.

I think you've got bigger problems though, TBH; 'quick sex with little in terms of foreplay' is a bit selfish of him if that's all he's willing to offer.

And sex with 'little touching, just in and 2/3 thrusts later, out' doesn't sound like a lot of fun or very respectful to you.

LouisBalfour · 06/09/2020 14:37

I have just read the OP's posts - he sounds like a lamentably bad lover. How have you tolerated this?

Bence69 · 06/09/2020 14:37

OldGirl72 I second that. No idea how woman put up with shit sex

Suzi888 · 06/09/2020 14:47

I wouldn’t divorce over it, I think it may be something you just have to accept. I wouldn’t do it to him either though.
Maybe he needs to work on his PE? If that’s possible I don’t know much about it.

CrazyToast · 06/09/2020 14:50

The problem isnt him stating his boundaries around disliking oral.

The problem is him 'making a decree' for both of them with no discussion or plans how to keep sex good for both of them.

OP this would be as much a problem for me as the hit to my orgasm-count. He can't just make sweeping decisions about a part of your life that you both share. It must be discussed and a good solution found for both of you. It isnt good that he doesnt see this.

nitsandwormsdodger · 06/09/2020 14:51

I assume he has never liked it and was just faking and is now using age as an excuse ?
You can have specialist sexual counselling?

NoMoreDickheads · 06/09/2020 14:55

Oh man, your update OP:( I was in a relationship with a bloke with both ED and PE. PE means you can't relax into sex as you don't know how long it's going to last. And a few seconds! I was in love with mine and for a long time I somehow forgot what decent sex was like. Sounds like you haven't forgotten tho! You're soon dead and men you could potentially date will have more ED the longer you leave it. I would finish with this three-second wonder and get decent sex while you can xx

RadicalFern · 06/09/2020 14:58

I think if he thinks you're too old to have any of the sex that his wife likes, perhaps he's too old to be having the sex. After all, if you are now to cope without orgasms for the rest of your life, then he can join you in solidarity.

ShawshanksRedemption · 06/09/2020 14:58

He can say what he enjoys (and gets it), but when you say what you enjoy he says no.
He can have orgasms through using you as a "hole" but you can't because he feels it's too dirty now.

I just see resentment for you @OldGirl72 if you put up with this. But really you're at an impasse, as you say the only thing you get an orgasm from is oral he isn't willing to give anymore. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker for you.

HerrenaHarridan · 06/09/2020 15:04

Also for the record... women don’t taste off as they age really, I fucking promise you that!
However your diet does affect your taste a lot!

RainingAllTheTime65 · 06/09/2020 15:05

@OldGirl72

Have you tried a womaniser? I know it's getting off the point but just when you said vibrators don't do anything.... I was the same but the womaniser is different and does it for me.

Anothernick · 06/09/2020 15:08

I like to satisfy my DW, often the best way to do that is oral so I like giving her oral. I like it because she likes it.

The idea that you get too old for certain types of sex is nonsense, we are in our 60s and we offer oral almost every time we DTD.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/09/2020 15:08

Obviously he's allowed boundaries but you have to lie there and be used like a wank sock? Have you told him this? What does he say back? He doesn't get pleasure from giving oral but you don't get pleasure from zero foreplay and an emotionally disengaged poke - how does he square that to you? I bet he can't because he couldn't give a shit about your pleasure

Helmetbymidnight · 06/09/2020 15:12

Sorry I don't understand, why is he being dishonest by saying he does not want to do OS anymore ?

he has said they wont be doing oral sex anymore because they are too old for anything but 'normal' sex.

in what world is that a commendable display of honesty?

EDSGFC · 06/09/2020 15:16

@Helmetbymidnight

Sorry I don't understand, why is he being dishonest by saying he does not want to do OS anymore ?

he has said they wont be doing oral sex anymore because they are too old for anything but 'normal' sex.

in what world is that a commendable display of honesty?

Presumably in the same world where op has been ok with him having a form of sex that she knows he doesn't like because she does?

There's a lot about this relationship that doesn't sound very healthy.

AnneKipanki · 06/09/2020 15:20

Maybe you have not found the right one @OldGirl72. There was a thread of reviews on here recently and one review was for a vibrator . omg .

Longwhiskers14 · 06/09/2020 15:26

@EspressoX10

I think age is a red herring here.

He never enjoyed it and is using that as an excuse.

I'd feel very uncomfortable knowing DH was doing something he didn't particularly enjoy.

I think you need to chat and find something that you can both enjoy. There's a whole world of things between missionary position and oral sex.

This ^. It sounds like he's reached the point where he can't overcome how icky it makes him feel and is using your ages to stop. My DP told me from the off it wasn't something he enjoyed doing and he was really sorry, but it never became an issue because I would never dream of expecting him to do something he wasn't comfortable with. It was never my favourite thing anyway and thankfully he makes up for it in lots of other ways! Grin
AnneKipanki · 06/09/2020 15:26

What is the funniest review you have ever read? Last posted on 26/8/2020.

tillyandmilly · 06/09/2020 15:27

Yuck!

Helmetbymidnight · 06/09/2020 15:27

well yeah, it sounds like some honesty would be welcome- there certainly hasn't been much so far. some plain speaking might make moving forwards clearer.

Lois345 · 06/09/2020 15:29

51 and 48 is not old! and what is normal sex anyway? Is it a religious issue? How would he feel about including a vibrator in your missionary sex? It does sound very selfish to me

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