I’ve really hurt my partner by talking about his family. Feeling depressed.

[TTlover]

Hi all.

Long story short, my partner’s father was charged for holding indecent images of children (although he claims it was an accident) and taking pictures of people through their windows without permission.

I have decided not to see my partner’s father (along with most of his family except his mother). His mother has decided to stay with his father.

My partner still decides to see his mother, so in turn, has to still see his father.

Anyway, last night, I had friends over and my partner was out. My friends were asking me about the situation and I said that ‘Half of my boyfriends family are ignoring me because I don’t want a peadophole in my life’. We have a puppy cam to watch our puppy when we are out. Meanwhile, he was watching it from his phone.

Part of me feels guilty because of what I said, although I probably wouldn’t have said anything differently. My partner is really hurt that I’ve said this to my friends. I feel bad for him, but I also feel that I am entitled to a private conversation with my friends.

My partner has said that he wasn’t snooping, he was on the camera app to get a previous cute recording of the dog to show his friend at work.

My friends have now left this morning and I feel guilty for them knowing that they have probably had a horrible evening.

Myself and my partner stepped out of the room for a bit when he got back and discussed it. He says he’s hurt but he forgave me and said that he wanted me to have a good night. It all turned out well in the end but I’m feeling really low this morning.

I just needed somewhere to rant. I’m sorry. :(

Well he was snooping. Come on, you know that.
And any sensible person would be the same as you.

An accident, my arse!

He forgave you???

He just so happened to bees to get a video of the puppy when you had friends over..

He was snooping end of. To be honest I’d bin him along with his whole family.

need not bees

I wouldn't feel guilty. The mother is just as bad as his father if she's decided to stay with such an evil creep. The fact that your dh wants to still see her would be the end for me I think.

It is unacceptable that he was eavesdropping on your conversation. No ifs not buts.

Also what you said was entirely factual and not half as harsh as it could have been. I would be seriously worried about your partners judgement if he thinks you have anything to be even remotely sorry for.

taking pictures of people through their windows without permission.

We have a puppy cam to watch our puppy when we are out. Meanwhile, he was watching it from his phone

Can you see that these behaviours are the same and are both unacceptable. Your DP and his father are cut from the same cloth. You should be very concerned and thinking about where this need to intrude on others privacy comes from.

Sounds like your DH is still in denial

This is all kinds of wrong.

Oh gosh, you feel guilty?? You have nothing to feel guilty about at all. I would reconsider the relationship. There’s no way I’d condone a pedophile regardless of who they were to me. If my mother stayed with one, I wouldn’t see her. Sorry but this is all very weird to me. It’s child abuse. Zero tolerance is the only response. I find it troubling you and your partner would go near him or anyone supporting him.

He...forgave you?
Lol.

Sounds just as creepy as his dad tbh.
Wouldnt be surprised if he was sat in a dark room, watching your whole night on the camera.

Stop lying to yourself. Your partner was 100% snooping on you. I wonder how many times he's done this, because this wasn't the first. I'd be getting rid of that whole family.

The problem is not you, OP.
It's the father & the son.
Nothing good is going to come of this relationship, sorry.
Get rid, Asap.

Get rid of the puppy cam and get rid of your partner

My friends have now left this morning and I feel guilty for them knowing that they have probably had a horrible evening.

Did he say something to them?

How long have you been together? Do you see a future and kids with him? Would he expect the kids to see his parents?

Also if one of you is at home with the the puppy why is the camera still on? He must be spying on you 24/7.

He was definitely spying on you.

And please think carefully about your future - are you planning to have children?

Also, do your friends know that they were being watched on camera while they were chatting in your house? I think you should not invite anyone over again without telling them clearly that they should not expect privacy. What if one of them had wanted to confide something to you? You will end up losing your friends and will have to socialise with your boyfriend and his creepy family.

You said absolutly nothing wrong.

Your dp is showing he is still loyal to his dad.
Do you intend to have kids with your dp?
If you do your dp will want his parents to have acess to dgc.
I would be rethinking the whole relationship not because of his dads crime. But becasue of dps attitude to his crimes.

Seriously? What you said was factually accurate and not spiteful or anything.

Do you have children? Do you want to have children? How will that work if your partner thinks it's ok to have contact with his parents.

And likd others the snooping is very worrying. Why aren't you more worried?

Serious boundary issues - in his family and in you perhaps if you think you need his forgiveness after he invaded your privacy.

I couldn’t stay in this relationship, he doesn’t trust or respect you and sounds like a gaslighting dick.

You’re worth more than this.

He doesn’t for a second condone what his father has done.

He just didn’t appreciate me speaking about his family and was then embarrassed to come into his own home.

He has t asked for any of this. This hasn’t been an easy ride for him either. He’s been suicidal and now feels very lonely because of all of this.

He is nothing like his father, he’s a great man who has just been through a troubling time.

Although I agree, if he was snooping then that is wrong.

I’ve unplugged the puppy cam and told him we don’t need it.

Why do you think your friends had a horrible evening?

Your DP is condoning the rape and sexual abuse of children by seeing his DF.

That’s what’s happening in those “indecent images of children”.

Know that.

His DM is enabling and facilitating and so is your DP.

That was your first red line staying with someone who feels strongly to condone the rape and abuse of children.

Yes you will feel unsettled and depressed because this is what YOU are denying - the spying and berating you down speaking the truth are just the surface of this toxic situation.

Will you have babies with this man?