I’ve really hurt my partner by talking about his family. Feeling depressed.

[TTlover]

Hi all.

Long story short, my partner’s father was charged for holding indecent images of children (although he claims it was an accident) and taking pictures of people through their windows without permission.

I have decided not to see my partner’s father (along with most of his family except his mother). His mother has decided to stay with his father.

My partner still decides to see his mother, so in turn, has to still see his father.

Anyway, last night, I had friends over and my partner was out. My friends were asking me about the situation and I said that ‘Half of my boyfriends family are ignoring me because I don’t want a peadophole in my life’. We have a puppy cam to watch our puppy when we are out. Meanwhile, he was watching it from his phone.

Part of me feels guilty because of what I said, although I probably wouldn’t have said anything differently. My partner is really hurt that I’ve said this to my friends. I feel bad for him, but I also feel that I am entitled to a private conversation with my friends.

My partner has said that he wasn’t snooping, he was on the camera app to get a previous cute recording of the dog to show his friend at work.

My friends have now left this morning and I feel guilty for them knowing that they have probably had a horrible evening.

Myself and my partner stepped out of the room for a bit when he got back and discussed it. He says he’s hurt but he forgave me and said that he wanted me to have a good night. It all turned out well in the end but I’m feeling really low this morning.

I just needed somewhere to rant. I’m sorry. :(

Huge red flag there he was snooping eves dropping. He forgave you gaslighting cockwomble I bet he bloody did. I would reconsider the relationship as it's already abusive what if you have children he's going to accidentally let your child go over there

Also if he is snooping on you now, imagine that getting worse. Which it would
And then imagine having children subjected to that.
It's linked together

RUN

You're making excuses for him OP. He's no different from his Dad.

RUN!

He is choosing to see his father, he could make some sort of arrangements just to see his mother if he wanted to.

His mother is for her own reasons and probably after decades of grooming is choosing to remain living with a sex offender who may have a sexual interest in children.

Your partner is prepared to spy on you in an effort to control your truth about the above sexual offenses.

I would seriously question the wisdom of having dc with your partner he has such damaged boundaries currently he would not be able to keep them safe.

He spied on you. He sees his father who is a paedophile. I am imagine how awful it must be for him, but his parents are truly awful and what he/they have done is unforgivable. I would not have a child with this man because of the risks

Imagine this OP, you have children with your dp, even though you cannot imagine it now you may get divorced, then what about your dc?

Your dp needs professional help to process this, he seems to be struggling with boundaries. Mil's demands of both or no one seems meant to pressurize your dp to skip healthy boundaries.

If you have children with him and then split up are you confident he would keep them away from his parents without you there to tell him to?

Your latest updates have actually made me really angry OP and I’m starting to get a different impression of you. Do you realise what this man your FiL actually is? He is the lowest of the low and I find it deeply, deeply concerning that a couple where the man still sees his vile father and the woman is willing to accept that, could have their own children and bring them into goodness knows what. You do realise that if you have kids with your partner you will have literally no control over how much contact he allows his father to have with them? He will be their parent too and if he’s still hanging out with his paedo dad because he’s not appalled enough to stand up to his parents- well do you honestly believe in your heart of hearts that he will abide by your wishes and keep your kids entirely away from them even if you were to separate? Bollocks he would. The fact that you aren’t running a mile and are actually considering future kids with someone who tacitly condones and continues contact with a convicted paedo, honestly it makes me sick.

Ok then. So my partner doesn’t deserve to be a parent because of what his dad has done.

I wouldn’t associate with a paedo or anyone who condones a paedo, including his mum. That’s not some sort of high standard.... that’s a pretty low and basic standard.

Plus snooping = run for the hills

Your FIL has hurt people op - children and adults. He is sexually abused children (by downloading images he is part of a sexual abuse ring) and he has sexually abused women by taking photographs of hen as they changed.

Your partner still sees his Dad. What if it had been an image of your future child or a picture of you changing? Would our partner still see his Dad? Can you hand on heart say your dp will be strong enough to refuse to let his parents never meet their future grandchildren?

And your dp has now shown you that he also likes spying on women by listening in to you and your friends. No wonder your friends felt uncomfortable - I would never go to your house again.

Open your eyes op, he's telling you who he is and what you can expect.

That's not people are saying OP
Are you not angry he has snooped on you?

You are being purposely obstinate op - your partner is welcome to become a parent if he cuts all contact with his father and stops spying on you.

The snooping is a massive invasion of privacy.
The fact he hasnt disowned his dad and is merely 'embarrassed ' shows how toxic it all is.
Why would you want to bring children into that?

He would of been watching you before now too, you know that right? It’s not normal behaviour. It’s also really not ok to still see a pedophile. Regardless of who it is. I just wouldn’t stay with someone like that. Yes he’s caught in a horrible situation but his father has hurt people and is dangerous.

I think you are vulnerable in all of this and 'love ' is blinding you.
Step away and look at it differently

Have you posted previously about this under another name? are you a teacher?

@TTlover

Ok then. So my partner doesn’t deserve to be a parent because of what his dad has done.

I know you are hurt, but you shouldn't have dc with someone who lacks boundaries and cannot take a clear stand, will 'bury this deep' and is spying on you already.

The puppy cam. Can he record remotely then from his phone? Why did he have the puppy cam on?
Funny his Dad was caught for snooping and taking pictures of people without their knowledge.
Now here we have his son, watching people on a webcam and listening in to conversations without those people knowing. He showed no boundaries in turning off his webcam link. Funny how he just happened to catch the conversation at that exact moment. He either listened in for a long time or is very very lucky with his timing.

No I’m not a teacher.

I sincerely hope the op is not a teacher.
Could cause all sorts of issues.

Your partner makes excuses and accepts a sex offender with a particular interest in children. You make excuses for your partner....no, children do not deserve to be born into this.

Plus, he's spying on you and your friends, he doesn't like you going to see your parents too much (yes, I've read your other threads), he exerts his control wherever he can whether that be with you, the dog or your parents, you've had sexual issues that needed counselling to address them....and you're only mid-twenties.

Get rid of him OP. Nobody here wishes to make you feel any worse but we can see what is in store for you if you stay with him.

Ok. Let’s all step into his shoes. Your father is a sex offender. Could you be strong enough to cut your whole family out of your life as an only child?

Yes @TTlover I would (I've worked with sex offenders and know the reality)

Regardless of that, why are you stepping out of your own shoes into his?

Step into these shoes. Your boyfriend refuses to cut out his sex offender, paedophile father. He is controlling and spies on you via webcam. Would you expose an innocent child to this and leave them completely at his mercy?

No but I wouldn't spy on my partner and then get upset that I've been caught.