Page 27 | DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

Underpressure13 · 2020-08-28T19:55:37+00:00

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids . When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’ Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight. There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them. When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation [shock] Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

Alwaysinpain · 08/09/2020 23:41

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Fair enough. However the police won't just check her tech.

I know this as my friend has just discovered her entire house has been 'bugged' including her phone by a guy she dated briefly and turned out to be a psycho. Clare's Law revealed he's a very very dangerous man (she's not permitted to give me any details but that it's BAD) and the police have given her a panic alarm etc and are instructing IDAS to get her into Refuge etc - in other words, they are doing everything they can... However, they simply will not inspect her phone or laptop to find evidence, as their resources don't give them a remit to UNLESS he harms her in some way! Unbelievable isn't it?!
So as I type this, she is still in her bugged, unsafe home and is having to walk up her street to make phone calls using a new burner phone as even her car has a device in it (which she has been told she cannot remove). Absolute madness

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 09/09/2020 00:04

[quote Alwaysinpain]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Fair enough. However the police won't just check her tech.

I know this as my friend has just discovered her entire house has been 'bugged' including her phone by a guy she dated briefly and turned out to be a psycho. Clare's Law revealed he's a very very dangerous man (she's not permitted to give me any details but that it's BAD) and the police have given her a panic alarm etc and are instructing IDAS to get her into Refuge etc - in other words, they are doing everything they can... However, they simply will not inspect her phone or laptop to find evidence, as their resources don't give them a remit to UNLESS he harms her in some way! Unbelievable isn't it?!
So as I type this, she is still in her bugged, unsafe home and is having to walk up her street to make phone calls using a new burner phone as even her car has a device in it (which she has been told she cannot remove). Absolute madness[/quote]
She’s been told to get her tech checked and report it to the police. I didn’t say to get her tech checked by the police. There are many places she can go to get that service which is what PP have said. It would then need reporting to the police once evidence is found.

Alwaysinpain · 09/09/2020 00:08

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken But that's my pint! They won't do anything about it besides give her a panic alarm and get her into a Refuge (although OP said she owns her home I think?) until/unless he harms her!

Alwaysinpain · 09/09/2020 00:09

*point

Alwaysinpain · 09/09/2020 00:10

Obviously OP could still go into a Refuge regardless of whether she owns her home. What I meant (but explained badly there) was that I don't think OP would want/need to go into a Refuge at this stage. However, besides a panic alarm and a Harassment Information Notice, the Police won't do anything at all

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 09/09/2020 07:18

@Alwaysinpain

Obviously OP could still go into a Refuge regardless of whether she owns her home. What I meant (but explained badly there) was that I don't think OP would want/need to go into a Refuge at this stage. However, besides a panic alarm and a Harassment Information Notice, the Police won't do anything at all

It’s not about arresting him or “doing anything”. It’s about reporting it to the police so it’s on file. If she reported that he’d bugged her technology, then in a month that he’d been parking outside her house, and finally in another month that he’d tried to attack her, she would have a whole body of evidence proving his stalking behaviour which would support her if anything truly bad happened and she went to court.

SunshineCake · 09/09/2020 11:45

Oh come on. The reason he is also appearing caring, loving, supportive and helpful is because he is creepy all the time you wouldn't give him the time of day.

You really are being very naive or needy or lacking in the ability to listen to your instincts to protect yourself and more importantly your children if you can't see this should be a relationship that is ended immediately.

WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 09/09/2020 12:09

Christ, why is this still going? Stop feeding it people.

BrowncoatWaffles · 09/09/2020 12:13

Factory reset the tech and dump the DP. You don't trust him. What's the point?

TheNestedIf · 09/09/2020 13:33

To quote myself from 8 days ago, "No point in having it out with him. If he is guilty, he won't admit it. If he is innocent, I don't think you will believe him. And even if you do, you will doubt him again next time something unfamiliar happens on your computer."

Whether he's up to no good or not, my technical advice remains. Go to a repair shop. You may be able to do a reset but that may not be straightforward if he has set himself up as Administrator. This is likely if you can still see his account on things.

Also, whether he's up to no good or not, you simply do not trust him so my advice is that you would be doing both of you a favour if you split up.

Mix56 · 09/09/2020 14:27

So the other day when he apologized, & went thru all the changes he had made, he still intended to spy on you, & left all these settingchanges in place.
Tell him you want the Administrator password/s
He lies still.

CFerdotcom · 09/09/2020 15:06

Save all your important docs/pics etc onto a pen drive and then do a factory recet on your computer. It will take your computer back to the day you bought it, wiping everything that could have been set up. Reset it so that you are the administrator and don't let him anywhere near your tech stuff. Once you've reset your computer, then you start changing all the passwords etc for your emails, router, online accounts and anywhere else you need a login. It's really easy to do. This guy sounds like a creepy stalker though OP and if I was you I'd be concerned that he wasn't just spying on you, but your kids too and wouldn't want them anywhere near him. Ditto what others have said re reporting this to the police, he's gone too far and you know it, you're not going mad. Get rid OP.

Original poster

Underpressure13 · 12/09/2020 12:49

Update : I haven’t seen him for a week - called by enroute home last night after having dropped off the DCs with their Dad. Said I wanted to talk - explained that the night before I’d found more stuff on computer , including files named ‘ hidden cam’ and ‘cam’ which seemed to link back into one drive . All things I couldn’t open because they were encrypted and locked with Bitlocker etc - and all permission of administrator only - which is him ofcourse. Also told him the activity controls are all linking to his emails , everything on there links back to him. He was pretty quiet about it , just looked exasperated , kept saying ‘ so do you really think I’m capable of this!?’ . He said it wasn’t good either way now , as both scenarios are bad , either he’s doing it which he said would be criminal and I could take him to police , or it’s not and I think he’s capable of it . I agreed it’s doomed either way really . It was a calm chat - he didn’t get cross or angry but I did notice him touching ears and nose quite a bit.
I said I didn’t know where our relationship could go from here now . He asked if I was expecting him to confess - I said he should think long and hard about it overnight and we’ll meet for a walk today to , well, decide closure .
He said I could take devices to computer shop if I want today - but obviously he had last night to remove anything he’d have wanted to .
I had a nice girly evening with my mum instead , watching film and staying over. Didn’t hear a thing from him and he’s currently 2 hours late today for our chat meeting.
Ultimately it’s about trust - even if I was ever able to get it back , there just seem to be way too many ‘ coincidences’ going on on the computer ( even with my knowledge which we know is lacking !)
I imagine he’s sleeping today - he has had depression and alcoholism in the past , both of which he’s recovered from- but I fear he’ll be going down that road now.
I’m a natural rescuer type, so I can’t help worrying , even though it’s not my responsibility. I’m slowly learning to put myself first before these men who treat me badly. I feel I’m getting there and have made a lot of progress and feel stronger - after what’s been a hard 2 years out of a hard end of a long marriage . Time for me now . The job is going great so far too. Hopefully this is the start of better , clearer times ahead

OP posts:

SoulofanAggron · 12/09/2020 13:04

Well done, stay strong and don't let him reel you back in. xxx

Jeremyironseverything · 12/09/2020 13:05

At the moment you haven't got really angry with him so he probably still thinks there is hope to win you around. Be careful of his reaction when he knows you truly mean to dump him - if you do.

BrowncoatWaffles · 12/09/2020 13:50

It all sounds so suspect. I'd get him to remove his admin rights so you can then fully factory reset/remove everything suspect on the machine.

It's just so insane this all started over a sausage roll.

You definitely deserve better.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 12/09/2020 14:07

I’d found more stuff on computer , including files named ‘ hidden cam’ and ‘cam’ which seemed to link back into one drive

Come on now OP, he named it 'hidden cam' and you still felt the need to meet up with him? Ok then.

BigBadVoodooHat · 12/09/2020 14:22

Come on now OP, he named it 'hidden cam'

He really is the world’s crappest spy, isn’t he?!

TorkTorkBam · 12/09/2020 15:15

Still not pushed the factory reset buttons OP?

CornishTiger · 12/09/2020 15:28

I really wouldn’t go walk with him. He sounds dangerous

TheNestedIf · 12/09/2020 15:46

Well, that looks pretty damning. Most of the other things you've found could be explained but it's looking rather implausible in combination.

Did you ask him to show you what was in the OneDrive files? If the cams were, for example, by some slim chance, him using cams for his home security he could easily have demonstrated his innocence.

However this pans out, good luck in your new job and best wishes for the future, by the way.

ElasticFirecracker · 12/09/2020 15:59

Well done and stay strong, this must be tough for you.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 12/09/2020 16:14

OP, if you take your computer to a computer shop - it would have to be someone who knew what they were looking for.

I think you know that if you were doing the right thing you would be taking your computer to the police. If he isn't dealt with he will do the same again to someone else.

GoldenZigZag · 12/09/2020 16:34

It's called 'jealous surveillance' and its a form of coercive control OP. I'd report him to the Police, or at the very least tell him I have.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 12/09/2020 17:29

OP, if you take your computer to a computer shop - it would have to be someone who knew what they were looking for.

Hmm, I don't think that's necessary, it's pretty obvious what they are if they're named "Hidden Cam", "Sausage Snoop" and "Weekend Away With Girls Watch"
😂