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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

712 replies

Underpressure13 · 28/08/2020 20:55

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation Shock
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 07/09/2020 09:57

@Underpressure13you don’t need permission or even a concrete reason to finish a relationship. Not trusting him- for any reason- is enough. Definitely read up on relationships and coercive or abusive men to see if more comes to light on reflection or see if you can access a Freedom course.

Ogham · 07/09/2020 14:45

I honestly think If u get ‘not a quite right’ feeling about someone but you can’t put a finger on it, it’s not without reason. I’ve experienced this many times with different people. It would take a few instances to realise Something was definitely off (after giving them the benefit of the doubt) and inevitably I’d be right.
What does your mom think of him or any of your friends? Ask them to be honest with you about him.
The fact that this is ongoing I honestly wouldn’t ignore it. He’s gaslighting you and you’re brushing it under the rug!
Good luck in new job, hope your first day went well.

Regularsizedrudy · 07/09/2020 14:53

Ffs do you even like this guy?

Winter2020 · 07/09/2020 15:25

Hi OP,
I have read all your posts (but not all of everyone's)
Blue tooth speaker - put outside in the wheely bin!
Laptop (save your files and pictures to a memory stick or the cloud and "restore factory settings" - look it up online or in your manual.
Iphone write down your numbers or back up if you understand how, save pics onto your now clean computer and "restore factory settings"
Then don't let this creepy guy near you or your devices again. He knows about tech so can't resist exploiting that. He has no ethics at all. Check your home for unusual items that could be listening devices (sometimes a pen but whatever that you don't recognise or he bought you). He probably didn't need anything extra though as your own tech was doing it all. To be honest you could consider asking the police for advice.

catsteandcake · 07/09/2020 17:33

I hope your new job went well today opThanks

beenwhereyouare · 07/09/2020 22:17

^^
This.

Original poster
Underpressure13 · 08/09/2020 08:34

@catsteandcake Thankyou ! It was really nice - quite slow paced and everyone really friendly . It’s in a really lovely setting and works brilliantly around the children so I’m lucky . Determined that that part of life goes well at least ! Thanks for asking Flowers

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/09/2020 11:17

Glad the new job is great.

I think your not so "D"P will just get better at hiding stuff and not tripping up.

Sorry but he is checking up on you and acting very suspiciously. He may be very insecure but that doesn't matter it's creepy and unacceptable.

He has also gaslit you over the sausage rolls....

Thanks
Original poster
Underpressure13 · 08/09/2020 17:29

I wanted to send a picture but I might out myself / my private computer info as it’s of a page I stumbled across the other night . It’s in settings and is ‘ activity controls’
All usual things you’d expect to be turned off for privacy are turned on and his email is beneath all these settings . As well as that I can see my Microsoft logins , some appear to genuinely be me from one IP address, others are ‘ alias account - successful sign in’ . Is that as suspect as I think it is ? Looks like several ip addresses have successfully signed in .
As well as that I found a page about ‘ most used websites in storage / settings ( can’t remember exact phrase ) but live.com was the main one and the pages were websites about moving info across devices etc and pages I’d never have visited . The way he ( over) reacted the other evening when I was looking into settings and controls has made me wake up and smell the coffee here .

OP posts:
JulesCobb · 08/09/2020 17:33

So what are you going to do?

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/09/2020 17:37

Op, with all due respect you need to leave it now, stop obsessing over him.

The bottom line is you don't trust him, whether he is a freaky stalker who is tracking your every move or not. You.Do.Not.Trust.Him - therefore there is no future with him.

So do yourself and your kids a favour and get rid of him.

Enjoy your new job and get on with your life.

wildcherries · 08/09/2020 17:44

Terrifying! Just bin him and swipe your tech.

cantarina · 08/09/2020 17:47

Chilling. Your DP will be reading this I'm sure. I'd involve the police.

amillionwishes · 08/09/2020 18:01

I presume you're now going to actually split with him, op?

BigBadVoodooHat · 08/09/2020 18:04

I presume you're now going to actually split with him, op?

Don’t hold your breath.

ScrambledSmegs · 08/09/2020 18:17

@Underpressure13

I wanted to send a picture but I might out myself / my private computer info as it’s of a page I stumbled across the other night . It’s in settings and is ‘ activity controls’ All usual things you’d expect to be turned off for privacy are turned on and his email is beneath all these settings . As well as that I can see my Microsoft logins , some appear to genuinely be me from one IP address, others are ‘ alias account - successful sign in’ . Is that as suspect as I think it is ? Looks like several ip addresses have successfully signed in . As well as that I found a page about ‘ most used websites in storage / settings ( can’t remember exact phrase ) but live.com was the main one and the pages were websites about moving info across devices etc and pages I’d never have visited . The way he ( over) reacted the other evening when I was looking into settings and controls has made me wake up and smell the coffee here .
This is unequivocal proof that he is spying on you (as if there wasn't enough proof before now). So, what are you going to do?
MarthasGinYard · 08/09/2020 18:40

Op

One question

Why on earth would your boyfriend have changed all these settings on YOUR laptop?

You ain't some sickly damsel in distress that needs tech help from this idiot?

Wake up and catch yourself on

You are a mother, you aren't stupid so stop this circus of rubbish. If it smells fishy. It's fuckin' fish.

newnameforthis123 · 08/09/2020 18:42

@PickwickThePlockingDodo

Op, with all due respect you need to leave it now, stop obsessing over him.

The bottom line is you don't trust him, whether he is a freaky stalker who is tracking your every move or not. You.Do.Not.Trust.Him - therefore there is no future with him.

So do yourself and your kids a favour and get rid of him.

Enjoy your new job and get on with your life.

This. Why aren't you doing this OP?
combatbarbie · 08/09/2020 19:09

OP if his email is still attached to your laptop then you are possibly seeing his browsing history even though he is on another device.

On find my iPhone, you can remove the ones you don't recognise but if your phones are named there shouldn't be any unknowns.

His behaviour after confronting him is telling.... I just wish I knew what he was up too.

All well and good dumping him but if he is spying on you, you have no idea how he is doing it and that would worry me if he retorts with stalker behaviour.

Buggedandconfused · 08/09/2020 19:24

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AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/09/2020 19:41

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AcrossthePond55 · 08/09/2020 22:01

So what more do you need?

Yeahmetoo · 08/09/2020 22:36

Blimey. I do hope you changed them all and will be getting rid. I don't think I'd even grace him with a conversation. Why waste time on his waffle and lies and excuses? Change settings, his lack of access will make him realise you know, and drop him a text saying you're done. It's rare I'd suggest ending something so abruptly but I don't think you need to hear more crap.

Alwaysinpain · 08/09/2020 22:42

@Underpressure13 OP please ignore the drama lovers on here. They tend to throw their dummy out of the pram whenever an OP doesn't immediately act upon advice given.

Seriously, I'd be getting rid of him. He sounds controlling and his response to your chat was concerning. If he had absolutely nothing to hide then he would've been more than just a little annoyed that you could suggest such a thing. He would've been distraught.
Please think long & hard about what's right & wrong here Thanks

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/09/2020 22:46

[quote Alwaysinpain]@Underpressure13 OP please ignore the drama lovers on here. They tend to throw their dummy out of the pram whenever an OP doesn't immediately act upon advice given.

Seriously, I'd be getting rid of him. He sounds controlling and his response to your chat was concerning. If he had absolutely nothing to hide then he would've been more than just a little annoyed that you could suggest such a thing. He would've been distraught.
Please think long & hard about what's right & wrong here Thanks[/quote]
I don’t think that’s fair. The entire thread has been:
OP I have this evidence I’m being spied on
PP Get you tech checked by a professional
OP I’ve spoken to him and he’s explained it all... but now I have this new evidence of him spying on me
PP Get your tech checked and report to the police
OP I’ve spoken to him and he’s explained it all... but now I have this new evidence of him spying on me
PP Get your tech checked and report to the police and cut contact with him
PP Get your tech checked and report to the police
OP I’ve spoken to him and he’s explained it all... but now I have this new evidence of him spying on me

It’s really quite frustrating at this point