DP said a very strange thing tonight ?!

[Underpressure13]

DP has called by tonight to hang out for the evening with me and the kids .
When he came through the door the first thing he said was ‘ok so where are these sausage rolls to reheat ?’
Earlier today my mum who was caring for the kids whilst I worked, cooked some sausage rolls and left the remaining ones we didn’t eat in oven for me to reheat for DP and kids tonight.
There’s no way he’d have known of this as both myself , nor my mum have mentioned this to him today and he knew they were in there without being told or even looking . They hadn’t recently been cooked and place didn’t smell of them.
When I questioned him on how he knew, he just said ‘ oh, instinct I guess’ no further explanation
Is it strange he said that? I can’t quite work this out !!

@Underpressure13

I said ‘ why didn’t you just say you’d seen them Instead of saying ‘instinct’- and he said it was banter , he just wanted to tease me - which I said was not on and unfair and caused this hassle in the first place.

How naive are you OP fgs.

Wake up my love

If I accused my husband of all the things you've accused your partner of, he wouldn't be okay about it. He'd be angry and upset that I could have believed he'd do that.

Are you afraid of being alone op? Because I can't understand why on earth you'd stay with a man who you think could behave like that (even if he hasn't done it, and that's a big if. You clearly don't trust him.

Did you ask him why he took a picture of the back of your phone?? And you said he didn't look in the oven before... So which is it? I'm starting to doubt this is even real

Wow, he’s done a real number on you.

@ButtonMoonLoon

Wow, he’s done a real number on you.

Well yes someone is doing a number here.

Oh ffs how can you be arsed with a relationship where you have to have a sit down chat about sausage rolls, spying and admin settings? Christ. You get one life. Stop wasting it on this relationship.

He agrees that a lot of the things he’s done have been dodgy - he said I have a point.

About the pic of the phone - he says that he wanted to see what model I had to look it up online to see if I could save money on my next upgrade or something.Hes super geeky like that so it’s possible , but still doesn’t sit well with me. It’s the not having asked me instead and not having said he’d taken it which bothered me. He took that in feb but I only saw it by accident last month .

The oven is about 1 metre away from the door into the house, but on ground level . He’d have had to open it to see them there . I genuinely don’t remember him opening it ( my ovens quite noisy to open too) but then i was busy with the kids so may have missed it . There’s no way of really knowing now - it’s been 2 wks and my memory is fading . I really hadn’t thought so at the time .
He came with a bag of food to cook that night , so it’s plausible that he may have opened oven ready and seen them . But my reaction at the time and OP suggests that I was pretty convinced he hadn’t .

I was doing something for work on the computer earlier whilst he was visiting ( kids are at their Dads) and my settings / privacy controls etc are all playing up . I was just casually looking into what was going wrong And he seemed pretty agitated watching me delving through pages and into settings . He was washing up at the time but kept telling me to stop looking up what the problem could be and get back to the work piece . It was a bit of an overreaction tbh and I pulled him up on it as he was obviously stressing . I found his emails again amongst the privacy controls/ windows customisations section of settings - he looked guilty and did his weird Over exaggerated laughter thing. I was all for giving him the benefit of the doubt before that , but now I’m feeling unsettled again . The whole thing just makes me feel crazy tbh. I know many of you are finding my inability to see the situation for what it is really annoying / frustrating- I guess I do give people too much benefit of the doubt and yes, I can be gullible sometimes. I like to see the best in people so that’s why I’m really struggling to accept this could be possible .
I’m don’t intend to keep posting really as it’s disheartening when people assume I just enjoy the drama . It’s just helpful to hear from people who can see it from outside of my head because - as you are seeing - I’m struggling to see beyond the perimeters of my own beliefs .

@Elasticatedwaist

Hang on , I thought OP said that the oven was nowhere near the front door and he couldn’t have seen the sausage rolls . So how could he have opened the oven ?

Plot hole.

Oh goody, new episode. Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Careful, there. I got deleted earlier for suggesting that this might become an episodic saga.

This has to be the most pointless thread I’ve ever read.

Getting a bit tiring having to read people’s assumptions that this is some kind of made up story . I’ve kept the main protagonist going for months if that’s the case.
I doubt a busy working mum of two young children starting a new job in the morning really has time to make up stories .

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken - then I suggest you move off it .

Oh yeah you have a new job to start tomorrow, hadn't you better get some sleep?

My friend told me earlier you can have a secret file on your phone and can be made to not even appear on your phone as an icon, he maybe innocent but does sound odd

OP, I think people are getting a bit exasperated by the casual way you keep reporting these odd "glitches" with your tech, the fact that you have children living with you in what you've referred to as an isolated location, numerous comments about how your Scooby senses tell you something about him is off - indeed he's acted strangely when you've confronted him over issues - several times. And yet here we are.

@GrannyBags

Having ploughed through this I’m becoming more and more convinced is a set up by the producers of Corrie to see if this is a storyline anyone would find believable.

Why would they do that? They already have the Geoff storyline.

I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard and unkind time and don't really understand why, and I've read the full thread. I'd be very similar I think in the same circumstances, when he's given explanations it's hard to turn round and make a significant decision like ending your relationship on your instinct that something isn't right. Particularly if you do have a lot of good times. I suspect he is playing on the fact he knows your knowledge isn't as good as his and he probably thinks he has now covered his tracks having gone through the computer with you so will probably continue to stand firm on the explanations he has given.

This further response to you going through your settings is weird. I'm no computer geek myself so don't really know what to suggest other than shifting anything precious onto a memory card and taking it somewhere to be wiped and start again. Maybe not tell him, see if he makes a "casual enquiry" about it. Which I'd expect if you've blocked his access but not told him. If nothing else it would give you peace of mind. Then never let him near it again. Same for your phone.

@Underpressure13

Ok , having put the kids to bed and come to bed myself to read all of your replies ( DP went home ages ago ) I can reply. So - first it’s a very unfortunate coincidence that this was a sausage type food ( for those who remember that old thread ) Please be assured that I’m definitely not a sausage obsessed person and have long got over the fact that he and that group are not gay, just computer nerds who sometimes send weird photos . That’s been well and truly put to bed a long time ago , a long with other suspicions , which I decided to put down to lockdown stress / too much time on my hands/ slight paranoia / coincidences . Anyway , basically I gave him the benefit of the doubt with all that strangeness and we moved on . Things have been going along pretty well these last couple of months and I thought we were in a good place until this weird thing tonight , which has freaked me out quite a bit now. We’re getting ready to spend a weekend camping together with my DC and I was looking forward . It’s literally the worst timing for something odd like this to have happened now . After I initially questioned him tonight , he was very quiet and a bit more withdrawn than usual . He didn’t bring it up again and I couldn’t as we were all in the kitchen all night ( DC’s included ) . I fully intend to bring it up tomorrow and see what his response is again . It’s hugely unlikely that my mum messaged him- but I will check tomorrow .He works from home on computers and has a stressful job so she wouldn’t have bothered him. Sausage rolls isn’t my mums speciality- they were going off so i suggested she cook them for lunch for the kids. When I came home for my break we discussed popping them back in the oven as I told mum he’d like to have them probably when he came tonight . Our front door leads straight into the kitchen where myself and the kids were , so they didn’t have time to tell him and would have forgotten since lunch anyway . Even if he smelled them upon walking in , even after 6 hours of being cold (they were on the top shelf of a dark oven ground level - he couldn’t have seen them ) Surely he’d have said ‘ ooh did you cook sausage rolls , I can smell them’ or ‘ ah your mum messaged and told me to enjoy the sausage rolls you left ‘etc etc . But ... instinct ?! He just sort of looked half blankly half smirky maybe - like it didn’t rattle him anyway . I really wish the food type had been different Anyway - I genuinely have been really working on my trust issues with him - and I absolutely want to believe this is somehow innocent. I’ve had enough drama in this 2.5 yr relationship. I guess it just scares me now to imagine there could be a way he’s knowing what I’m up to I don’t have an Alexa but I do have a Bluetooth speaker he bought me which is always at home and almost always on . Other than that one other weird thing which may link to this was that a few weeks ago we were going through his photos on his laptop and there was one from February which was a picture of the back of my iPhone ( model etc ) I questioned him and he didn’t really have an answer other than ‘ sorry I’m a geek , I thought I might get one similar / was interested what you had ‘. I figured out he’d taken the photo whilst we were out with the kids and I’d had to go and sort something out ( and hadn’t told me he’d done it ) . I’ve tried to let that slide but it’s been on my mind recently . I wonder if its linked . Yikes. What do you all think . I really hope this is nothing

He originally said he might get a similar phone and now saying he took the picture to look to save you money on an upgrade. I think people are being unnecessarily cruel to you, its clear he is intentionally trying to confuse you and make you doubt yourself, whilst being nice so you are doubting your own mind and intuition. Its like a game and because of your past relationship being abusive you are easy prey. I left a relationship that was very clearly abusive but have struggled to to spot more coercive control or manipulating characters who don't outwardly hit you or call you names but when you are with someone who confuses you and if you feel something isn't right then it usually isn't. Trust your own gut instinct and maybe re-read all your posts to remember clearly and not what he is now telling you xx

He lies.

@Yeahmetoo and @catsteandcake thankyou it means a lot to hear from people who can recognise how this might be for someone from the inside of the situation . My instincts are usually great and I consider myself usually pretty emotionally intelligent, so this confusion is really out of character for me . If it was someone else’s post I’d be thinking very differently , but on MN we ask for advice and thoughts because usually we’ve got entangled In our own minds about it . Thanks for your responses - they’ve made me feel better before I start my new job later today

good luck in your new job op.
hopefully this will take your mind off things, but keep your eye on the ball. take our computer to be looked at. get a password for it.

It doesn't matter a bit whether he's spying on you or not.

If he is, you need to leave.

If he isn't, you clearly don't trust him, and therefore, for both your sakes, you need to leave.

Stop overcomplicating it.

I was doing something for work on the computer earlier whilst he was visiting ( kids are at their Dads) and my settings / privacy controls etc are all playing up . I was just casually looking into what was going wrong And he seemed pretty agitated watching me delving through pages and into settings . He was washing up at the time but kept telling me to stop looking up what the problem could be and get back to the work piece . It was a bit of an overreaction tbh and I pulled him up on it as he was obviously stressing . I found his emails again amongst the privacy controls/ windows customisations section of settings - he looked guilty and did his weird Over exaggerated laughter thing. I was all for giving him the benefit of the doubt before that , but now I’m feeling unsettled again

I don't think he can see this post otherwise he'd know you'll believe any old bullshit, so he's no need to be agitated.

Maybe it's a new plot for Emmerdale not Corrie.

How is this still going on?!

You don't trust him. Whether or not he is spying on you, he is playing games and messing with your computer ("clever you, you worked it out" - which btw is creepy in itself and even more so with crazy laugh thrown in).

I'm with UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername. Stop complicating this. Leave.