Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

I don't have children and I am quite happy to date men who have them. I have always understood that their kids come first.

I'm in the position now where I am trying to arrange a date with someone whose kids see him whenever they like. He doesn't seem to know in advance when he is free.

Decents I haven't had a relationship with someone without kids and I can't really imagine it working if they didn't.
I just think kids are so demanding and messy and annoying and loud (and fabulous of course), but surely someone without kids would find it difficult to get why my 6 year old has smeared poo on the toilet seat for the umpteenth time (ahem, for example).
But then who knows, of course some people manage it.

Any updates on finding matches or planning dates?

Sorry Angel that made me laugh, what an idiot!
I've been messaging a nice bloke for 3 evenings on Hinge and all was going well , I messaged him back to his last message early evening last night but nothing more since. He said he was having a few beers last night and then doing nothing today as he's been really busy. I just find it weird when someone just disappears off when the chat is good and you seem to have stuff in common etc. Maybe he'll reappear later, hope so.

Had a few more matches on Bumble last night so will message them later.

I can get matches but struggle to convert to dates 🤔

Sorry I meant the one who said about the rack!

I've my DS at home this weekend but he's had a friend stay over so I've done some decorating, quite please with what I've achieved and it's kept me off my phone sister from the odd break.

No sign of mr Hinge, why do they just disappear when you're having a decent conversation. I was getting to the point of going to suggest we meet up.

Oh well, his loss!

Feeling cynical about OLD. I’m stuck at home with DS mostly, and don’t know how people are dating with Covid.

Is it really worth it?!

Can’t we just buy a partner from amazon instead? Drop shipped?!

Well I was chatting to someone for a couple of days at start of the week said we could possibly arrange a date this weekend then haven’t heard from him since Tuesday now!!
Why do they do it?!
Starting to think there’s something wrong with me now!! Xx

I matched with someone earlier and he messaged me, we exchanged a few perfectly normal messages then just as I was replying to one he unmatched me and disappeared - just like that mid-conversation! It was absolutely bizarre, I can’t for the life of me think why but nothing surprises me on dating sites any more 🙄

So it seems we're all suffering the same disappearing act!
So strange, different if the messaging isn't flowing or is inappropriate but if it's going well why do they just disappear?
Clearly it must be them as it can't be all of us!
Messaged 4 of my matches on Bumble. One has unmatched me, the others are still there but no replies as yet.
One room in my house pretty much decorated, chill time with my son and a night out with friends sorted - those things are in my control 😀

I really don’t get it!
I’m yet to even get one date lol!
Our chat was going really well aswell and just disappeared!
They really are unbelievable xx

@VivaVegas

So it seems we're all suffering the same disappearing act! So strange, different if the messaging isn't flowing or is inappropriate but if it's going well why do they just disappear? Clearly it must be them as it can't be all of us! Messaged 4 of my matches on Bumble. One has unmatched me, the others are still there but no replies as yet. One room in my house pretty much decorated, chill time with my son and a night out with friends sorted - those things are in my control 😀

What sort of messages do you use on bumble?! Thinking of getting rid of tinder and trying that instead, but scared about what I put lol xx

Bumble has the option to send a conversation starter question which is sometimes handy. An awful lot less people on there though.

I've never tried Tinder, last year on Bumble nobody ever messaged me back, which put me off.
I've only messaged a few this time round but have had replies but all have then disappeared or were just wanting sex. Only time will tell if these are any different!
I don't know what I have against Tinder, probably that it's just for hook ups.
I did try pof last year, never met anyone from there though.

I was thinking of making it clear in my bio I didn’t want FWB, relationships and going on Tinder and Bumble. Good idea or will put 90% of men off? I’m 50 and not as pretty as I was!

@Angelofdeath I’m sorry you have been through it too! It really does make you feel crap!! Like someone else said tho it can’t be us because it’s happened to us all! It’s the second time it’s happened to me!
Why say they want relationships just to do this?! Xx

First date this afternoon
Coffee and a stroll
Lovely guy, genuinely looking forward to it.

I don’t know protocol though - should I give him my number beforehand? Or just leave that we have messaged and agreed time and venue?

[quote Easttt]@Angelofdeath yes, I’ve come across guys who have their looking for as ‘relationship’ but they really just want sex. What I can’t understand is why when there’s the option to state you want something casual! I think with these type of guys the clues are usually there. The sexual references by text or on dates is a red flag. Good for you for standing your ground and not accepting anything less than what you deserve. Hilarious you asked him how the shagging around was going!

If a guy hasn’t moved things on after 2/3 days then NEXT! That includes swapping numbers. It is a waste of your time otherwise![/quote]
Ages ago a friend of a friend was OLD, she was 30s and wanted to have a family. Constantly got guys who only wanted sex then disappeared straight afterwards. She went along with it thinking it would grow into something more and it never did. I think the men say they want relationships because the pool is larger than if they just said casual. They know there are probably more women looking for relationships.

Good luck to everyone and hope it goes well for you all.