Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

It's hard to interpret responses sometimes and we can over analyse...it's hard!

@sugarlost lol at the date 1 and stop using covid as an excuse 😂 think I might put on my profile, I do not respond to "hi", "hey", s'up", "wuu2" and I don't want to add you to my "insta" "snapchat" or "kik"

@pineappleonpizzaornot lol I agree with you but at this rate noone will contact us .... they're not contacting me without what we are considering putting on profile lol

I also hate 'bonus points if you....' is it a bloody quiz show lol.

@sugarlost, I know what you mean, maybe if I posed topless them someone might like me 😂😂
How can you get locked out of you dating app? Did you pose topless lol?!

@Angelofdeath, cheeky git! I wouldn't have felt it either after that message! 80 miles isn't much to me, I travel 50 everyday for work, and go back home to see family a lot which 130 mile round trip! And there's definitely been some sort of interbreeding in the 70's/80's regarding the local men where I live 🤮

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I'll do the 292,and companies house checks - I'll let you know the outcome, can't be too careful secret squirrels

That would be 192

@outing how did it go? Good I hope

@Angelofdeath...woohoo! Now you can look into his eyes too! Fingers crossed he's not a twat!

@timetochangeagainforever....look on linkedin too!

Well my Mr Magic is more! I did some digging, found him on Facebook, and he looks nothing like his photos....nice guy, just not for me! As fickle as it sounds, I need some sort of phworeiness when I see them, so I'm not going to carry on chatting to him.....also, his bio said he was a freight train driver.....his FB says he's an alton tower ride operator 🤣🤣🙈🙈

Is no more*

It was good I think! My nerves went the second time got there. He seemed very nice, very easy to talk to. His photos were maybe a bit old and he could maybe do with cutting his long hair. Other than that, very good and we got on well.

Went the second, not the second time 😁

Yes, he was talking about going out for dinner! Do I actually fancy him though? Not sure 😖

I used e-harmony and reader, I married him. My very best friend also met her partner on e-harmony and they now live together. I am in my 40s too OP and my advice would be to only use a good online dating company.

Okay I've had a rubbish night's sleep. Mr Computer Geek was messaging last night, he still wants to meet. After everything we said about not doing anything because of the situation he is in( I put aside what I wanted because I want him to sort his life out) he comes out and says he still wants to meet. After cancelling on me twice! I even reminded him that we said we weren't going to go there and were just going to try the friend thing. He sent me a couple of photos of him (fully clothed) and I stupidly said "is that my birthday present?" and he said "if you want it to be". It was my birthday yesterday (and he did know that) so it was just an off the cuff remark. When I see photos of him I just want to hug him and make everything all right, you can see the sadness in his eyes.

I think I'm either going to have to grow a thick skin here, take a massive risk and enjoy myself or I'm going to have to walk away. Either way is going to be hard. I've not had this vibe with any of the others.

@Isitreally77 I try to be strong and in my head I know the right thing to do in these situations but alot of the time I'm emotionally weak... I'll let the others advise but you may have to be prepared to get hurt if you go ahead. Sorry you had a bad nights sleep. Keep your options open..

@sugarlost thank you I just needed to get that out. I've been awake since 4am and only slept for 3 hours. My problem is like you, I'm emotionally weak I know what I should do for the best but then I think I could be missing out on something amazing. My marriage was so unhappy and it has taken 3 years to get to where I am now with my confidence and whole attitude to life. I vowed I wouldn't let another man hurt me but I also don't want to miss out on something just because I'm afraid of gettingt hurt again.

@pineappleonpizzaornot no posing topless for me...well not yet. MR Magic ...why isn't he honest about his job...I know what you mean about wanting that attraction.

@Angelofdeath I wonder if Mr NHS realised he offended you... online communication can be a nightmare... some people are not sensitive.

@OutingMyself Glad your date went well. Second date to see if something is there regarding attraction?

@timetochangeagainforever if he's not genuine he may know how to cover his tracks well as he will be experienced. Good your trying to find out further info on him.

@ClaireP20 That's a nice story. I just don't think I'd have success on eHarmony as I don't get success on sites with a wide audience anyway. I also know someone who was married after meeting a partner there.
I may consider in the New Year... long application puts me off though but I guess it could be worth it!

@Isitreally77 Can you have a nap today?
Sorry to hear about your marriage experience. I've been in some shitty relationships..I could never reveal the details of some of the abuse that happened... feel ashamed looking back but I know it wasn't my fault. I'm scared of falling in the same trap... confidence is so important. I feel particularly vulnerable as feeling extremely lonely.

I understand the missing out thing but I guess we have to remember there are so many men out there... there is more than one decent one. From our experiences we have to be particularly picky as we could walk into another disaster so there's no harm in being cautious. We don't want to rush into something because of a fear.

I say this but I'm Ms emotionally weak currently so I'm happy with a text and not even meeting at the moment.

@sugarlost exactly my problem I can't tell anyone what happened in my marriage because no one would believe me, he was always charming and we looked like the perfect couple. But he was both emotionally and physically abusive. I stayed because I was made to feel like no one else would want me. If a friend had told me any of what he did to me I would have told her to leave.

So I completely understand where you are coming from. But I also believe now is our time, not all men are like that.