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Original poster

Online dating in your 40s

966 replies

StarlightSparkle · 13/08/2020 22:45

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

OP posts:
Bingowings24 · 06/09/2020 14:13

From my experience on dating sites as a guy its useless unless you have model looks own house money car seems to be a big one dunno why its particularly grim in my part of the woods Buckinghamshire .and then the guys who send dick pics that gets us all tarnished with the same brush all men are the same i hear alot of women say my answer is no its the type of man you go for thats the same

ravenmum · 06/09/2020 14:43

Bingowings, if your profile is also unpunctuated then you might also be getting rejected because of your writing. I have heard many a time from other OLD users that they reject people who don't use punctuation.

Original poster
StarlightSparkle · 06/09/2020 16:05

I haven’t logged into the apps for over a week. After my failed dates and lots of ghosting, I’ve lost heart in the whole thing, so I’ve decided to have a short break. I’ve felt happier since not going on the apps but at the same time I don’t think my single status will change anything time soon if I abstain long term.

Good luck for your date Decent!

OP posts:
Angelofdeath · 06/09/2020 17:19

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Decentsalnotime · 06/09/2020 17:24

Back from my first ever OLD and I can’t quite believe it

An absolute gentlemen, stand out good looking, made my chuckle a great times, paid for our coffees (unexpected!) and I could have carried on But had to collect children.

I think i have had an unusual experience rather than the norm?

Decentsalnotime · 06/09/2020 17:26

Oh and he messaged to thank for Lovely time and perhaps we could do again in the week.

anotherdisaster · 06/09/2020 17:30

Well I got stood up today. I'm genuinely thinking almost all men on these sites are weirdos.

Original poster
StarlightSparkle · 06/09/2020 17:47

Angel totally agree - even though it’s grim, there is always the chance that the next person you speak to will be someone you really click with. With my lifestyle and work it is very unlikely I’ll just happen upon someone so I’m resigned to return back to the apps in a week or so.

That sounds positive Decent! I don’t have much experience of dates but it sounds like you got a good vibe and it’s good that he messaged you afterwards. Exciting!

OP posts:
Angelofdeath · 06/09/2020 18:23

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choccookie · 06/09/2020 20:21

I had a date. Just a drink and we sat outside to chat. Nice guy but we weren't attracted to each other.

I don't want to ask one of the guys I am chatting to out for a coffee but might ask him if he wants to chat on Whatsapp.

choccookie · 06/09/2020 20:25

@Bingowings24 I'm not at all interested in money or material things. I don't think all women are. Sorry the OLD hasn't gone well.

Decent - sounds really promising.

Decentsalnotime · 06/09/2020 20:31

Stuck now!

Due for coffee with another chap this week. Not sure I feel comfortable with multiple dating?

Spritesobright · 06/09/2020 22:11

Decents that's lovely about your date but it's only been one date so seeing other people is par for the course.
Obviously do what you're comfortable with but I think multiple dating keeps you a bit grounded and not caught up in the "feels."

VivaVegas · 07/09/2020 00:22

Glad you had a positive experience Decents.

Mr Hinge was back today with a very brief message, the first since Friday, I replied early evening and nothing back since🤔
I had a guy message me on Match this morning just saying 'I like your profile, let's meet for a coffee.' I replied and asked him to tell me a bit more about himself which he did and we're going to arrange coffee. I had looked at his profile but his age maximum preference was 45 the same age as him and I'm 50. I'm a young 50 though and happy to go a bit younger, infact I would prefer not to go older than me! Will see if we get to meet because until it happens it's just possibilities but I think I might be more direct in future to avoid lengthy text dialogue and then you don't have any attraction when you meet.

Angelofdeath · 07/09/2020 20:54

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IceCreamSummer20 · 07/09/2020 21:45

You are giving me hope with your resilience and get up and go attitude. I wish you well on your dates!

I wonder is it worth a video chat before a date? So many dates take up a lot of time and then there is no attraction.

Angelofdeath · 07/09/2020 22:01

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VivaVegas · 07/09/2020 22:53

I'd hate a video date, it's bad enough doing it for work, I hate myself on camera. But I'm still not sure if it would make that much difference as I think you do need to meet in person to see if there's any attraction.

I'd prefer to meet in the middle if it's possible. I did that last Sunday so half an hours drive each instead of an hour for one of us. Definitely wouldn't get into a strangers car!

Looks like I might be meeting the 'direct one' for coffee on Wednesday. He's suggested a nice cafe about half an hour from me as he's working in that area. Not sure about him as I know very little but a late afternoon coffee nearby can't do any harm can it?!

Man from Hinge has been messaging more today. I've replied tonight and asked him if he wants to meet for a coffee. We've been messaging for a week tomorrow, either we meet or we just have random message conversations which doesn't really serve any purpose!

VivaVegas · 07/09/2020 22:56

Oh and had a match on Bumble last night who actually replied to me message (the other 3 matches didn't).
He was very funny, said he'd like to message for a bit more to get to know each other a bit more and then meet as he hates messaging for ages. He doesn't drink though and I do so not sure if I could go out with someone who never drinks 🤔 Don't want to write him off for that just yet though!

crimsonlake · 07/09/2020 23:27

It is very disheartening to read about all the ghostings people are getting and worse some even being stood up.It seems as if it is a game to lots of men.
I was recently talking to someone I met online, the problem was he continued to call me every night for several days. It was during the peak of the pandemic, he lived out of my search criteria but I thought what the heck it passes the time.Neverthless after the second night I thought I cannot keep this up, luckily I did not have to as he suddenly disappeared as well.Nothing ever surprises me and I am at the stage where I half expect it anyway.
I notice many of you message first, or seem to message people you match with.I always leave it to them, it is all too much effort.
As I have said before I rarely get any messages from anyone who I find vaguely attractive, it has gotten so bad I simply delete rather than open the message.

IceCreamSummer20 · 08/09/2020 00:44

Gosh hadn’t thought of that. Someone videoing us. Creepy!

@VivaVegas don’t be put off by never drinks- had a great bf who didn’t drink because his father was a useless alcoholic. It could show character.

Angelofdeath · 08/09/2020 05:43

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Furrybutts · 08/09/2020 06:07

May I join the thread please?

In my early 50s and joined a dating site for the first time in my life a week ago.
It's certainly been an experience already Hmm
Spoken to about 6 men on there, only really clicked with one, but he disappeared after 3 days of nice chats.
Not massively bothered yet, just dipping my toes in.

Angelofdeath · 08/09/2020 07:02

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Furrybutts · 08/09/2020 07:11

Angelofdeath I have to say I was surprised at the amount of interest in an old, fat bird, but I quickly realised that there wasn't any real interest from them, they were obviously just casting their nets as far as they could.

I've had a few 30 something men who stated they wanted children in the future message. What is that all about??!

I'm not taking it too seriously.