Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

@Angelofdeath thank you. I'm off out underwear and clothes shopping today so I have some time to think what I want to do. When we decided to not go any further he was going to meet me for a coffee but I don't think that's what I need today so I'm kind of glad he hasn't mentioned it.

I need to catch up on everyone’s news as the past few days have been super busy with the kids, but just wanted to vent that there are some right arseholes on OLD! I’d been chatting to a guy and he’d asked me out for coffee but typically this was after my child free days so I couldn’t make it.

We chatted a bit more and I asked him how often he saw his kids and he replied having a real go at me! Said ‘why was that phrased like I don’t see my kids’ which it wasn’t at all! I said I was just trying to find out more about his situation and he started going on about stereotypes and then blocked me!

I am super easy-going and non-confrontational so it’s shaken me up a bit. Guess I touched a nerve.

I'm aware this thread is nearly full but thought I'd pop on briefly...

I've been mostly single for the past decade. Everytime I've tried to date, I've had my fingers burned and not seen anyone for more than a few months.

I'm very recently put of a short relationship that wasn't good at all and joined pof (of all places!) last week.

I've had a lot of 'likes' and a several messages but only two that I was interested in.

I replied to one but didnt hear from him again - fair enough. The other, I've been chatting with this week. We seem to have some stuff in common - similar interests and sense of humour. There's been nothing in his messages to raise any concerns and we're going out this evening.

He lives enough of a distance away to mean we won't bump into each other but not so far that it would be untenable.

However, I'm not really sure I want a relationship. I'm going on a date and hoping for a nice evening but nothing else.

Besides, we're likely to go into tier 3 soon so wouldn't be able to see him again anyway.

Tbh, it would just be nice to spend a couple of hours with pleasant company.

So fingers crossed for that.

Well Mr Magic hasn't bothered messaging this morning, so thats good that I dont have to tell him not to message anymore :). Im so tempted just to come off OLD dating all together, but then part of me thinks, but the next message could be THE one....pffftt! Yeah right.
Im not talking to anyone at the minute.....off back to my hometown for the weekend, so might see if there any nice men there.
@Angelofdeath - Have you heard from Mr no pic this morning?
@StarlightSparkle - what is all the blocking about, I always ask how often someone sees their kids?! I was talking to on guy once and asked how old his kids were, he told me that was personal, then asked me if I missed sex!! BLOCKED!

So I've googled and done the phone thing but nothing came up and he has an unusual (not English) name. I'll call him Mr Blue

We talked for ages again last night and he messaged me early this morning and twice more since. He should be back in England in two weeks.

But, I've been talking to another guy, lives locally to me and seems very nice been sending me photos - all good..

so I'm meeting him tonight -eek!

@Angelofdeath - I know, I wont tell you if my kids are 2 or 22, but you can tell me if you miss sex......oh piss off! Im pleased you heard from Mr no picture :)
@timetochangeagainforever - Good luck with Mr Local :)

@StarlightSparkle you definitely touched a nerve. He probably never sees them but it’s his awful exes fault I had a date with a lovely seeming guy who was vague in the extreme about his relationship with his child -red flag

@Isitreally77 it’s so hard when you connect with someone but know you probably shouldn’t go there. I had a date with a lovely guy in August where the connection was unreal and I was just mad to progress with him. But he had a complicated situation in the background which meant it would only be a fling for him and while he would’ve been amazing to me I know myself and how hard I would fall once we started sleeping together and I was essentially being a fall back so I eventually put my needs first and protected my heart and stopped it. I actually cried harder at that than the end of my marriage!! Don’t put your own needs aside for someone you don’t know. I don’t think the exciting stage of getting to know each other should involve such big compromise on either side. (Oh and happy Birthday:))

@BeQuick I think going on a date hoping for a nice evening and nothing else is the best way to approach it. No pressure means you are more likely to relax and enjoy your evening and also be more mindful of red flags...enjoy :)

How do you know when a new thread has started??

@pineappleonpizzaornot

How do you know when a new thread has started??

Usually whoever starts it will post a link in this one before it fills up. Threads are limited to 1000 posts so this one is nearing that limit.

Mayzee Angelofdeath

Tbh, I'm not really sure I'm up for a relationship anymore. It's just embarrassing telling people I've met someone only to have it all fall apart shortly afterwards. I usually don't tell people straight away either. It just seems a bit pointless.

But I do need some help deciding what to wear tonight.

We're going to a real ale pub. There's no dress code.

My choices are...

Black dress with red polka dots and either 14 hole DMs or black patent heels. Obviously, the heels will be dressier but are they practical? Do I need to be 'dressier'? Its not a very dressy dress anyway.

Or

50s style dress with 'outer space' fabric, black tights and black converse.

Although I have been told I look like a 12 year old in that... but it is quirky and it's very me.

Clearly I'm not a 'pair of jeans and a nice top' sort of a girl

I have started new thread but I don’t know how to post a link, if someone could oblige!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4064907-Online-dating-in-your-40s-Part-2

@Mayzee yes this is what I'm finding, the connection is so strong between us and I know i shouldn't go there but I can feel myself giving in as the days go by. He even said he would take it slow for me. He is well and truly under my skin.